she said. Behind her she heard the girls whisper in surprise, for she was usually the rebel of the class. But she did not care anymore. Not since the summer. The secrets of those hazy summer nights had shattered and recast everything.
The bell was ringing and Sashenka was already in the corridor. She looked around at its high molded ceilings, shining parquet and the electric glare of the chandeliers. She was quite alone.
Her satchel—engraved in gold with her full name, Baroness Alexandra Zeitlin—was over her shoulder but her most treasured possession was in her hands: an ugly canvas book bag that she hugged to her breast. In it were precious volumes of Zola’s realist novels, Nekrasov’s bleak poetry and the passionate defiance of Mayakovsky.
She started to run down the corridor toward Grand-maman, who was silhouetted against the lamps of limousines and the press of governesses and coachmen, all waiting to collect the Noble Young Ladies of the Smolny. But it was too late. The doors along the corridor burst open and suddenly it was flooded with laughing girls in white dresses with white lacy pinafores, white stockings and soft white shoes. Like an avalanche of powdery snow, they flowed down the corridor toward the cloakrooms. Coming the other way, the herd of heavy-hoofed coachmen, their long beards white with hoarfrost and bearing the freezing northern night in their cloaks, trudged forward to collect the girls’ trunks. Resplendent in his flashy uniform with its peaked cap, Pantameilion stood among them, staring at Sashenka as if in a trance.
“Pantameilion!”
“Oh, Mademoiselle Zeitlin!” He shook himself and reddened.
What could have embarrassed the ladykiller of the servants’ quarters? she wondered, smiling at him. “Yes, it’s me. My trunk and valise are in dormitory twelve, by the window. Wait a minute—is that a new uniform?”
“Yes, mademoiselle.”
“Who designed it?”
“Your mother, Baroness Zeitlin,” he called after her as he lumbered up the stairs to the dormitories.
What had he been staring at, Sashenka asked herself: was it her horrible bosom or her overwide mouth? She turned uneasily toward the cloakroom. After all, what was appearance? The shallow realm of schoolgirls! Appearance was nothing compared to history, art, progress and fate. She smiled to herself, mocking her mother’s scarlet and gold taste: Pantameilion’s garish uniform made it obvious that the Zeitlins were nouveaux riches.
Sashenka was first into the cloakroom. Filled with the silky furs of animals, brown, golden and white, coats,
“Captain de Pahlen’s back from the front. He’s paying a visit to Mama and Papa but I know he’s coming to see me,” said little Countess Elena to her wide-eyed companions. “He’s written me a letter.”
Sashenka was almost out of the room when she heard several girls calling to her. Where was she going, why was she in such a hurry, couldn’t she wait for them, what was she doing later? If you’re reading, can we read poetry with you? Please, Sashenka!
The end-of-term crowd was already pushing, shoving through the door. A schoolgirl cursed a sweating old coachman who, carrying a trunk, had trodden on her foot. Freezing outside, it was feverishly hot in the hall. Yet even here Sashenka felt herself quite separate, surrounded by an invisible barrier that no one could cross, as she heaved her canvas bag, coarse against the lushness of her furs, over her shoulder. She thought she could feel the different books inside—the anthologies of Blok and Balmont, the novels of Anatole France and Victor Hugo.
“Mademoiselle Zeitlin! Enjoy your holidays!” Grand-maman, half blocking the doorway, declared fruitily. Sashenka managed a
The stinging air refreshed and cleansed her, burning her lungs deliciously as the oblique snow nipped her cheeks. The lamps of the cars and carriages created a theater of light twenty feet high but no more. Above her, the savage, boundless sky was Petrograd black, tempered with specks of white.
“The landaulet is over there!” Pantameilion, bearing an Asprey traveling trunk over his shoulder and a crocodile-skin valise in his hand, gestured across the drive. Sashenka pushed through the crowd toward the car. She knew that, whatever happened—war, revolution or apocalypse—her Lala would be waiting with her Huntley & Palmers cookies, and maybe even an English ginger cake. And soon she would see her papa too.
When a valet dropped his bags, she leaped over them. When the way was blocked by a hulking Rolls with a grand-ducal crest on its glossy flank, Sashenka simply opened the door, jumped in and climbed out the other side.
Engines chortled and groaned, horns hooted, horses whinnied and stamped their hooves, servants tottered under pyramids of trunks and cases, and cursing coachmen and chauffeurs tried to find a route through the traffic, pedestrians and grimy ice. It was as though an army were breaking camp, but it was an army commanded by generals in white pinafores, chinchilla stoles and mink coats.
“Sashenka! Over here!” Lala was standing on the car’s running-board, waving frantically.
“Lala! I’m coming home! I’m free!” For a moment, Sashenka forgot that she was a serious woman with a mission in life and no time for fripperies or sentimentality. She threw herself into Lala’s arms and then into the car, inhaling its reassuring aroma of treated leather and the Englishwoman’s floral perfume. “Where are the cookies?”
“On the seat, darling! You’ve survived the term!” said Lala, hugging her tightly. “You’ve grown so much! I can’t wait to get you home. Everything’s ready in the little salon: scones, ginger cake and tea. Now you can have the Huntley & Palmers.”
But just as she opened her arms to release Sashenka, a shadow fell across her face.
“Alexandra Samuilovna Zeitlin?” A gendarme stood on either side of the car door.
“Yes,” said Sashenka. She felt a little dizzy suddenly.
“Come with us,” said one of the gendarmes. He was standing so close that she could see the pores of his pockmarked skin and the hairs of his ginger mustache. “Now!”
3
“Are you arresting me?” asked Sashenka slowly, looking round.
“We ask the questions, miss,” snapped the other gendarme, who had sour milky breath and a forked Poincare beard.
“Wait!” pleaded Lala. “She’s a schoolgirl. What can you want with her? You must be mistaken, surely?” But they were already leading Sashenka toward a plain sleigh parked to one side.
“Ask
“I don’t know, Lala! I’m so sorry! Tell Papa!” Sashenka cried before they pushed her into the back of the sleigh.
The coachman, also in uniform, cracked his whip. The gendarmes climbed in after her.
Out of sight of her governess, she turned to the officer with the beard. “What took you so long?” she asked. “I’ve been expecting you for some time.” She had been preparing these lines for the inevitable moment of her arrest, but annoyingly the policeman did not seem to have heard her as the horses lurched forward.
Sashenka’s heart was pounding in her ears as the sleigh flew across the snow, right past the Taurida Palace and toward the center of the city. The winter streets were quiet, swaddled by the snow. Squeezed between the padded shoulders of the two gendarmes, she sat back, enveloped in the warmth of these servants of the Autocrat. Before her, Nevsky Prospect was jammed with sleighs and horses, a few cars, and streetcars that clattered and sparked down the middle of the street. The gas streetlamps, lit day and night in winter, glowed like pink halos in the falling snow. She looked past the officers: she wanted to be seen by someone she knew! Surely some of her mother’s friends would spot her as they came out of the shops in the arcades of Gostiny Dvor, the Merchant’s Row bazaar with its folksy Russian clutter—icons, stuffed bears and samovars.
