Though it was all very strange, I must say that he was one of the most perfect gentlemen I had ever met. True, his desires were most unusual, but that was nothing I need worry about; I have met any number of men whose desires were far stranger than his, and they were far from being gentlemen.
I arrived home all right, and no one was ever the wiser, though later I told our prima donna about it. Her only reaction was a shrug of her shapely shoulders and a faint smile. “You will get used to all that and many other things,” she said. “Men seem to think a diva is something unusual, and as long as they are silly enough to believe that, we might as well reap the gold harvest of their thoughts.'
She told me of dozens of men she had had that way, and I was surprised to find that there were women who were equally guilty of the offense mentioned.
It had been a most wonderful experience for me. I cared little or nothing about the money and necklace; it had been an experience just suited for me as it was one more adventure leading me down the road into a life of freedom and ease.
I no longer feared being naked in the presence of men, since I had already been sucked off by one. It was, however, the last affair of its kind I experienced in Vienna.
A few weeks later, I was called upon to take our diva's part. She had been stricken down and was unable to carry on. This had its good points; one night I was interviewed by a celebrated gentleman. It seemed he had been in the audience constantly for a week. In fact, he let on that he was about to open another far bigger opera in Frankfurt, and I was engaged for the part of Juliette.
At last, I was made, as they say in the theatrical world!
I was given a wonderful part and I received many wonderful presents, and I have them to this day. I had taken an understudy, just as I had been understudy to our prima donna, so I was able to leave almost at once. A few days later, I departed the wonderful city that had been so instrumental in providing me with so many thrilling and delightful experiences.
I found to my great delight that a very beautiful villa had been provided for me by my new manager. I thought, of course, that I would be called upon to pay-in the manner such things are supposed to be paid for-but he proved to be a harmless little fellow. He seemed to think it pay enough if I allowed him to kiss my hand, which he did at every opportunity.
CHAPTER IV
One might consider this the second part of my story, since it is the beginning of a far different life than I had been living. It was here in Frankfurt that I was to meet the man who was to become my first real love! You remember, my friend, how I told you I believed I was born to love? Well, I am more convinced of it than ever. Think back for a moment: Even before I left home, I met a woman who opened my eyes to the joys of sex. True, it was an unnatural love to be sure, but what of that? I have never suffered from it; I acquired something of an education through it all, and though it was the wrong kind of an education-as some will try to make you believe-it had its advantages in that it was to provide me with the talents necessary in the years to follow. Such talents, I firmly believe, are necessary to a career such as mine.
I believe I have already mentioned that I intended to retain my virginity until I came of age. Even before I left Vienna, I had been taken with the desire to have a lover, but I held off, even passing my eighteenth birthday-that age when it is quite proper and fitting for a maiden to be regally and royally fucked.
Even when making the journey into Frankfurt, I was overtaken with these thoughts. I believe I had arrived at the age when it would be good for me to accept the love of a man, and as I reflected on my past life, I was suddenly overcome with the desire for a male lover!
Yes, that was it. I was in love without a lover-a most amazing state of affairs. But it never occurred to me that I was to have one so soon.
Following my arrival in Frankfurt, my manager had provided me with a housekeeper. For years she had held the position of wardrobe mistress in the various productions and was quite well versed in things both on and off the stage.
She was a motherly old soul and I was quite taken aback when she said, “I do not wish to presume, my dear, but when do you expect to be joined by your lover?'
The question amazed me. At first, I was inclined to resent this bold remark, but I thought better of it-and I have always thanked myself that I wasn't harsh with her.
'My lover?” I asked, showing surprise at the audacity of her question.
For a long moment she stared at me, then: “You have a lover, have you not?'
'No,” I answered, “I have no lover. Why do you ask?'
'I hope you will forgive me for mentioning it,” she began, “but don't you think it quite necessary-to your voice, I mean?'
Then I remembered having heard something or other about this. At the time, I had wondered what it meant. Regardless, I did not have a lover. Here I was, a total stranger in a strange city with few, if any, friends. In the late past, I had never been without a girl upon whom I could lavish my caresses, and I suddenly felt rather alone. Also, I wondered if it were possible that this elderly woman had designs on me? Feeling somewhat frisky, I decided to put her to the test. She wouldn't be so bad, and an old tongue was better than nothing.
Laughing, I said, “I am sorry, my dear, but I have no male lover. I've only had lady lovers,” and I stretched seductively, allowing one bare leg to jut out between the folds of my gown, the only article of clothing I was wearing at that moment.
She shook her head. “You are a very foolish girl,” she said. “It is all very nice to have a sympathetic girlfriend, but if you won't think me over bold, I would say that you are abusing yourself in not taking a real lover-you understand, do you not?” There was a merry twinkle in her eyes as she said this.
Becoming more daring, I said, “You mean I should take one who will caress me in the manner I like to be caressed?'
She nodded. “You will find it necessary in the developing of your throat muscles. Please do not think I am presuming too much,” she went on. “Indeed, I am quite serious. You must do this, or sooner or later you will lose your voice.” And turning, she left me alone with my thoughts. You may rest assured my thoughts were conflicting.
The rest of the day I spent between reclining on a beautiful little flower-decked porch and fussing about a well-appointed kitchen.
To give you some idea of how the thought gripped me, let me tell you how I ate my dinner that night. I had dismissed my housekeeper and set the table for two places. I fancied I was entertaining my lover, and to make the picture complete, I wore only a thin dressing gown and slippers, being careful that the gown was open down the front. It was foolish, of course, but I was having a grand time of it. Later, when “we” finished our dinner, I fancied he carried me to a broad divan in the living room, and here he kissed and kissed and kissed me. Oh, I don't know what I thought!
I found myself eager for a man! I pictured him as a strong man; one qualified to administer real, brutal- love.
Then, the following day, a strange thing occurred. It was as though my prayers were being answered. A carriage stopped at my door. From it alighted my aged manager, and with him was one of the handsomest men I had ever seen! From behind the curtains, I gazed at him alone (I had no eyes for my manager). He had handsome, black, silky hair. Ah! He was like Apollo!
They entered. To my surprise and joy, this man was to play the part of Romeo in the play in which I was to star. Never shall I forget the expression that came over his handsome face when he was introduced. For almost a full minute, perhaps, I stood staring into his eyes, and it was he who broke the spell.
'Really,” he cried, his voice low, “I had no idea I was to have an angel as my costar!” We all three laughed at this, and after a brief visit, my manager left us. He had many duties to attend to, he said, and bowing himself out, he left me to speculate on the outcome of it all. Even in those first few moments, I couldn't help but wonder how it must feel to be fucked by a man such as this one! And even then, I promised myself the pleasure of having this man in my arms! Yes! He would be my first real lover! Even then I was speculating on how best to lure him to my
