1974

There were tears running down my face, on to my lips.

“And Paula? What was that?”

Box took another big pull on his fat cigar. “Like I said, I’m no angel…”

I shot him in the chest.

He fell back into Paul, air hissing out of him.

Rock ‘n’ Roll

I reloaded.

I fired again and hit Paul in his side, knocking him over.

Rock ‘n’ Roll.

The two policemen stood there staring.

I reloaded and fired.

I hit the short one in the shoulder.

I started to reload but the tall one with the beard stepped forward.

I turned the shotgun round and swung the handle into the side of his face.

He stood there looking at me, his head to one side, a little bit of blood dripping from his ear on to his jacket.

Rock ‘n’ Roll.

The room was filled with smoke and the strong smell of the shotgun.

The woman behind the bar was screaming and there was blood on her blouse.

A man at a table by the window had his mouth open and his hands up.

The tall policeman was still standing, eyes blank, the short one crawling towards the toilets.

Paul was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling, opening and closing his eyes.

Derek Box was dead.

BJ had stopped dancing.

I pointed the gun at him, chest high.

I said, “Why me?”

“You came so highly recommended.”

I dropped the gun and went back down the stairs.

I drove back to Ossett.

I parked Eraser’s Maxi in a supermarket car park and walked back to Wesley Street.

The Viva was alone in the drive, my mother’s house all dark and asleep beside it.

I got into the car and switched on the engine and the radio.

I lit my last cigarette and said my little prayers:

Clare, here’s one for you.

Susan, here’s one for you.

Jeanette, here’s one for you.

Paula, they’re all for you.

And the unborn.

I sat there, singing along to The Little Drummer Boy, with those far-off days, those days of grace, coming down.

Waiting for the blue lights.

Ninety miles an hour.

David Peace

***