shortness of breath, and the last tongue-biting, eyes-rolled-up-into-the-head preejaculatory seconds, then everything in the room, everything in the world in fact, was better than fine.
When it was over I removed my sweaty forehead from Jackie’s dry shoulder. The edges of Jackie’s deep brown eyes crinkled as her smirk twisted up on one side. She brushed a hand back through her short black hair and leaned back on the futon.
“Well?”
“Well, I can’t tell for certain, of course,” I said. “But it sure felt like the mother load.” Then I cocked my head thoughtfully to one side. “Was it beautiful for you?”
“Nicky,” she said. “You are such an asshole.”
Jackiehad grilled swordfish steaks on the Jenn-Air and served them topped with a mustard, butter, and dill sauce. We ate them with grilled new potatoes and a green salad lightly seasoned with oregano and pepper and garlic vinegar. I had a sip of the cabernet and Jackie did the same.
“Nice wine,” she said.
“I’m a hero, then. I thought the red might not go with the fish.”
“A myth. The red goes fine. As for being a hero, I’ll tell you in a couple weeks.”
“That when you find out?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, if it doesn’t happen this time-you know, I’ll always be there for you.” I slid an oily nod toward her bedroom, and Jackie laughed.
“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll try the insemination route next time, thanks.”
I put my wineglass on the table. “It wasn’t all that awful, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t all that awful. But I didn’t enjoy it, if that’s what you mean. I went through my entire youth and my twenties not enjoying it, as a matter of fact.” Jackie had a taste of fish and closed her eyes briefly as she chewed and swallowed. “When I finally did admit to myself what I really wanted, there was a long period of curiosity, and then some guilt, and after that acceptance. And now I just feel right. And happy.”
“Well, then I am too,” I said. “Happy for you. We’re friends, right?”
Jackie smiled radiantly in the light of the single candle that stood between us on the beveled glass table. “You are a good friend.” She leaned in on her forearms. “So I was wondering if you could scare up the energy to give it another shot after dinner. For insurance. I know I’m ovulating-I’ve been on Pergonal to stimulate it, and I can feel it, like a little tickle down there.” She looked toward her lap and back at me. “What do you think?”
“It’s been a while since I’ve Done the Deuce.”
“Is that a yes?”
“It is.”
I left Jackie’s around midnight and drove out of Kalorama, up Connecticut and west to Wisconsin, where I turned right and headed uptown. Christmas lights were strung in the windows of the bars and in the pizza parlors that served AU students in that part of town. I listened to the Cure’s “Pictures of You” and kept listening after I had cut the engine of my Dart in front of Lee’s apartment. When the song was done I climbed out of my car and turned the collar up on my overcoat as I took the stairs to Lee’s.
She answered on the third knock after a check through her peephough tole. I straightened up as the door opened. Lee wore black jeans and a hip-length, army green sweater. The sweater picked up the green from her eyes.
“Hi, Nick.” She smiled weakly and looked behind her toward the living room, then back at me.
“Hi. Can I come in?”
“I don’t think it’s such a good idea,” she said.
“Got company?”
Her features softened. “Yes.”
“Talk to me for a minute?”
Lee looked behind her once more and nodded. She checked the lock and closed the door, and stepped out with me into the yellow light of the stairwell. Her arms folded up and she began to shiver. I took off my overcoat and draped it over her shoulders. The hem of the coat nearly touched the ground. Lee looked up.
“How’d it go tonight?” she said.
“It went okay.”
“I’m sure you found a way to make it interesting. Anyway, I didn’t expect to see you tonight.” She turned her head and nodded at the door. “Obviously.”
I shuffled my feet. “Listen, Lee. I’m not drunk… I didn’t come over here tonight to bother you. I just wanted to talk, maybe spend the night. Just sleep with you.”
Lee looked down at the overcoat that was billowing at her slippered feet. “Sorry, Nick. About my friend in there”-Lee motioned her chin-“it’s nothing serious really, he’s just a friend.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“Well, I want to. And I want to talk. I’ve been meaning to call, to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
Lee looked down again and then raised her head. She brushed some of her brown hair off her face. “This isn’t a good time, I know. But I’m graduating in January, in a couple of weeks. And after that… I’ve decided to leave town, Nick.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. My parents have been bugging me all year, ‘What are you going to do after graduation?’ I guess they’re probably right. My father wants me to do some paralegal work, he’s got a job lined up for me. I’m going back up to Long Island. It’s not like I’ll never be back. Who knows, right?”
“You’ll figure it out,” I said. “You’ll do fine.”
“Thanks.” Lee put her arms under mine and locked her hands behind my back. She kissed me lightly on the base of my ear. “How’s it going for you?”
“Things are moving.”
“Yeah?” She smiled. “What about your friend’s wife? You find her? ts hfin”
“I’m close, I think.”
“Anything on your friend Henry?”
“I’m getting close on that too.”
“What happens to you after that?”
I chuckled unconvincingly. “Short-term goals for me, Lee. You know that.”
Lee kissed me on the lips for a long while. I didn’t want her to pull away. I didn’t want to lose the warmth of her face, or her smell. When she backed up, her eyes were wet. It could have been the bitter air, but I wanted it to be the loss.
Lee handed me my overcoat and smiled. “Bye, Nicky. I’ll call you. Soon.”
“So long, Lee.” I turned and walked down the stairs to my car.
I stopped once more that night around the corner at May’s, for a bourbon and a glass of beer. Steve Maroulis was behind the bar. Before I left I placed a ten-dollar bet with Maroulis on a horse named Miss Emmy and then drove back by Lee’s. The windows of her second-story apartment were dark now. I headed for Military Road and drove home through empty streets.
EIGHTEEN
The next day I replaced Mai behind the bar at three o’clock. Monday night was the worst shift of the week, and it was traditionally hers, but Mai was making me do penance for my trip to southern Maryland. I stuffed my blue bar rag into the waistband of my jeans, smoothed it out on the side of my hip, and passed through the service entrance to the bar.
Happy sat on his favorite stool, staring straight ahead into the bar mirror, one hand around an up glass, the other holding a lit Chesterfield. Mai stood at the service bar and drank a shift Heineken while she talked to me about some unfortunate young marine she was dating. I stocked the backup liquor beneath the rack and nodded
