She regarded him uncertainly, then relaxed, and her eyes lost the anxiety they had held until that moment. He realized that without the artificial necessity to be charming, biddable, pretty and accommodating, she was almost certainly an intelligent and most likable person.
'Yes?' he prompted.
She laughed. 'I found Mr. Melville one of the most comfortable people I ever encountered,' she said, swirling gracefully in his arms as they negotiated a complicated corner, her huge, pale skirts flying. 'He never seemed to misunderstand or to need to prove himself and-and parade… as so many young men do… I-' She bit her lip. 'I hope that does not sound too unkind?'
'Not at all,' he assured her. 'Merely very candid. I know precisely what you mean. I have observed it, and I daresay if I were to glance around now I should see a score of examples. I was doubtless guilty of it myself… a few years ago.'
She wanted to laugh. He could see it in her eyes, but good manners, and the slightness of their acquaintance, forbade it.
'Perhaps I still do…' He said it before she could complete the thought.
'Oh no,' she denied. 'I'm sure not now. You don't need to, and you must know that.'
'The advantage of age.' He laughed at himself.
Suddenly the vulnerability was back in her eyes, and he knew she was afraid he had referred to the difference in their ages to distance himself from her, to let her know gently that this was merely a courtesy acquaintance and could be nothing more. That was trae, but because of his feelings for Hester, not anything to do with Margaret Ballinger. Were it not for Hester, he might well have sought to know Margaret a good deal better.
He was chilled by the realization of how easy it was to hurt, without the slightest intention, simply because one was thinking of something else, watching some other imperative.
'Well, perhaps it is more the assurance one gains from some professional success,' he amended, then wished he had not. He was only making it worse. 'Tell me more about Mr. Melville's architectural designs. Is he really innovative?'
'Yes, quite definitely,' she replied without hesitation. 'His designs seem to have far more light than most people's. They are full of windows and curves where I have never seen them before. There is a house in Hampshire he built, or should I say Mr. Lambert had built, which is wonderful inside. Every room seems to be full of sunlight, and the windows are quite irregular. It is extraordinarily comfortable to be in. One always seems to be looking outside either at trees or at the sky. I felt so at peace in it. And yet when I asked the housekeeper if it was difficult to care for, she assured me it was actually highly practical. I was most surprised.'
So was Rathbone. He had not judged Melville to have such courage.
'I think perhaps he is a genius,' Margaret said very quietly. He only heard her because the music had stopped. They swung to a standstill. He offered his arm again, and she took it.
'Would you care for a glass of champagne?' he asked. 'Or lemonade?'
'Lemonade, if you please,' she accepted.
He fetched it for her and they spent a little further time in conversation, now not in the least difficult. Then he returned her to where Mrs. Ballinger was standing alone looking remarkably pleased with herself.
'I can see how much you have enjoyed your dance,' she said with a smile. 'You are excellently matched.' She turned to her daughter. 'Mr. Edwin Trelawny has been asking for you, my dear. He remembered you from your meeting in Bath. I think we should return Lady Trelawny's call… perhaps this week.'
It was a ploy to make sure Rathbone did not think Margaret too available. No one wished to pursue a young lady if he was alone in the chase. If he were, then she could not be worth a great deal.
'Yes, Mama,' Margaret said dutifully, cringing at the obviousness of it.
Mrs. Ballinger was undeterred. In order to marry off daughters one had to develop an exceedingly thick protective armor against disapproval or other people's embarrassment. She ignored Margaret's pleading look.
'Does your family live in London, Sir Oliver? I don't believe I am acquainted with your mother.'
Margaret closed her eyes, refusing to look at Rathbone.
Rathbone smiled with quite genuine amusement. He was now being judged as to whether he was socially fully acceptable.
'My mother died some years ago, Mrs. Ballinger,' he answered. 'My father lives in Primrose Hill, but he mixes very little in society. In fact, I suppose it would be more honest to say he does not mix at all.' He looked at her directly. 'Of course, he is quite well acquainted with most of the scientific and mathematical community because of his work… before he retired. And he always had a high regard for Lord Palmerston.'
He knew instantly he should not have mentioned the Prime Minister. She was immensely impressed.
'How very agreeable,' she answered, momentarily at a loss for words. She recovered rapidly. 'I hope I shall have the good fortune to meet him someday. He sounds quite delightful.'
Margaret looked as if she wanted to groan.
'I am afraid my opinion is hopelessly biased,' Rathbone said, excusing himself with a smile. He was actually extremely fond of his father. He liked him quite as much as anyone he knew. 'Now I must not monopolize your time, Mrs. Ballinger. Miss Ballinger, I have greatly enjoyed your company, and I hope we shall meet again. Good evening.'
They replied appropriately and he turned and walked away, perhaps a little more rapidly than usual. In spite of his intellectual knowledge of what was happening, and why, and his wry amusement at it all, he still felt pursued, and only his certainty of escape kept the panic from welling up inside him.
He must not seem to be fleeing. It would hurt Margaret and be inexcusably rude. He should dance with at least three or four other young ladies, and perhaps one or two older ones, before he could decently leave.
An hour later he was preparing to excuse himself to Lady Hardesty and thank her for a delightful evening, when he found himself standing next to Zillah Lambert, who had just been left by a companion who had gone to seek refreshment for her. She looked flushed and happy, her skin glowing, her eyes bright.
'Good evening again, Miss Lambert,' he said politely. She really was a very charming girl.
'Good evening, Sir Oliver. Isn't it a lovely ball?' She looked around at the sea of lace and tulle and silk, the blaze of lights, the laughter and the music and the sway and swirl of movement. “I wish everyone could be as happy as I am.'
He felt acutely awkward. He knew that almost all of her joy rested in her engagement to Melville, and she obviously had not even the slightest idea that his feeling was utterly different. What to her was a prospect of excitement and unshadowed delight was to him a prison closing in, so unbearable he would risk social ruin-and very probably financial and professional ruin also-rather than endure it.
Why? There had to be far more to it than he had told Rathbone. Was Zillah really completely different from the way she seemed?
He looked at her again. She was certainly comely enough to please any man, and yet not so beautiful as to be vain or spoiled because of it. If she was extravagant, she would probably bring a dowry with her which would more than offset that. And her nature seemed most agreeable.
'You must meet Mr. Melville, Sir Oliver,' she was saying enthusiastically. “I am sure you would like him. Everybody does, or nearly everybody. I would not wish to give the impression he is so obliging as to be without character or opinion. He certainly is not.'
'You are very fond of him, aren't you?' he said gently.
'Oh yes!' She seemed to radiate her happiness. 'I think I am the most fortunate woman in England, if not the world. He is everything I could wish. I have never felt so extremely at ease in anyone's company, and yet at the same time so invigorated in thought and so filled with the awareness of being on the brink of the greatest adventure life has to offer.' There was not a shadow of doubt in her. 'We shall be the envy of everyone in London for the blessings of our lives together. I know he will make me a perfect husband, and I shall do everything I can think of to please him and make him proud of me. I wish that never in all the years we shall live together should he even for an hour regret that he chose me.' She looked at him with wide, soft eyes filled with hope and trust.
Suddenly, like a hand clenching inside him, he understood Melville's fear. It was unbearable to think of being responsible for so much in the life of another human being, one who sees you not as the fallible, sometimes serf- conscious, sometimes weary and frightened creature that you are, just as frail as they, but as some kind of cross between a genius and a saint, whose every thought bears examination and whose every act will be both wise and kind. One could never relax, never admit to weakness or doubt, never simply lose one's temper or confess terror,
