“Questions?”
I had to stop myself from smiling. Here’s the thing about New York City doormen: they love to talk. Your average doorman opens and closes a door for eight hours a day, but barely gets more than two words from their tenants. If you stop to chat, they’ll talk your ears blue. So few people actually talk to doormen, that if you gave them an inch they’d take eight miles.
And I was prepared to give this one a few feet.
“We’re investigating a… I can’t really talk about it yet.
But hopefully Mr. Kaiser can answer all our questions thoroughly. And I promise, you won’t be mentioned.”
“Why would I be mentioned?” he said, that voice thawing with concern.
“You won’t be,” I said. “If you knew anything about
Mr. Kaiser, anything suspicious, even something you thought one day and just dismissed, it would help his cause and ours. I’m looking for the truth, Mr…”
“Anderson,” the man said. “Donald Anderson.”
“Well, Donald…”
“You can call me Don.”
“Okay, Don. Thanks for being so agreeable.”
“Am I?”
“Are you what?”
“Being agreeable.” Don blinked as he spoke.
“Yeah, you are. So, are you friendly with Mr. Kaiser?”
“I mean, in so much as he doesn’t say much, I’ve never gotten any complaints from him.”
“No complaints. Any compliments?”
“He’s not what you’d call the most talkative guy,” Don said. “He tips over the holidays, kinda gives a little nod when he’s on his way out or back in. Other than that he don’t say much.”
“You ever try talking to him?”
“You ever work as a doorman?” Don asked.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Every tenant’s got a different personality. You got to learn how each person acts and reacts towards you, and tailor your personality towards that. I swear, my first few months on the job I felt like I was going crazy, developing one of those, whaddaya call ’ems, split personalities.
Mrs. Delahunt, she walks her dog like clockwork at seven-thirty in the morning. She always says, ‘Say hi,
Toodles!’ like she’s expecting the dog to talk to me. At first I couldn’t figure out why she treated me like such a, pardon my French, such a bitch. Then Charles, the evening doorman, told me I had to say hello back to Toodles.
So every day at seven-thirty, I say hi to this little rat dog
Toodles. And every year at Christmastime, Mrs. Delahunt gives me a tip twice as big as most tenants. All because I say hello to her freaking dog.”
“So how does Mr. Kaiser fit in?”
“My first few months, I tried to be real polite. ‘Hello,
Mr. Kaiser. Have a good day, Mr. Kaiser. Welcome home,
Mr. Kaiser.’ I never get more than a grunt. One day I must be thinking about something else-maybe Mrs. Delahunt’s fine daughter-and I forget to say hello to him. I just open the door, not even thinking, and then I hear him say,
‘Thanks, Don.’I swear it was like Christmas came early that day.”
“So what did you do?”
“I realized Kaiser didn’t like being spoken to. Gestures were fine, but man, did he think highly of himself. The most effective method is a little nod as he comes through the door. Closer to the holidays, tip time, I might give him a tip of the cap. But that’s all. I don’t engage in conversation, I don’t say a word to the man.”
“Sounds like you’ve got this down to a science.”
“Still refining my game,” Donald said. “Always room for improvement.”
“So I need to ask one more question about Mr. Kaiser,
Don, and I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Shoot. Just promise you won’t tell him I spoke to you, and please don’t print my name.”
“This really has nothing to do with you, it’s just to help me understand Mr. Kaiser. You’ve watched all these tenants for years, right?”
“That’s right.”
“Is there anything about Mr. Kaiser, either his mannerisms or something else, that strikes you as kind of strange? Something that stands out as different?”
Don laughed. “Everyone’s different in their own way.
There’s one guy, a psychiatrist on eleven. Different prostitute every Friday night.”
“Um, I don’t think I needed to know that,” I said. Don shrugged. “Is there anything about Brett Kaiser, though, that’s different?”
Don scratched his chin. “Actually, this did seem a little strange, but I guess I got used to it. Every Tuesday night at midnight, Mrs. Kaiser leaves the apartment. And about five seconds after she leaves, this guy comes over.”
“Wait. She just leaves?”
Donald said, “That’s right. Goes to the 24/7 coffee shop on the corner.”
“How do you know that?”
“Every now and then she’ll bring me a cup of coffee and a Danish. The bags were always from that shop.”
“Do you have any idea who this guy is? Business partner? Maybe a lover?”
“Hey, man, I don’t know that much about my tenants’ private lives. But I don’t think so, as far as the gay stuff goes. He was a real tall guy. Wore sunglasses a lot, even at night. Looks a little like a G.I. Joe action figure.
Stands real straight, even less personable than Mr.
Kaiser if that’s possible. Even after he’d been coming over for a few months the guy never even looked me in the eye. Got the blondest hair I’ve ever seen, kind of wavy. He comes out at midnight and stays for just about an hour. Then he leaves at one, and Mrs. Kaiser comes back just as he’s left.”
“Do you have any idea what he’s doing?”
“No, sir. Shows up, stays an hour, then leaves. No idea why or who he is, but he never causes trouble and always seems pleasant enough.”
“What’s his name?” I asked.
“Sir?”
“When you buzz him up, what name does he give you?”
“I don’t buzz him up anymore. By this point I know he’s okay so I don’t bother.”
“But at the beginning,” I continued, “he must have given you a name. Do you remember it?”
Don thought for a moment, then he said, “Chester. I think it was Chester.”
“You sure?” I said.
“Not a hundred percent, but I think so.”
“What else can you tell me about him?” I said. Suddenly Don stood up straight and took several steps back from me. He straightened his hat, then stepped forward.
I turned around to see a Lincoln pulled up at the curb. Don was approaching the backseat door, which he opened, bending over slightly while holding his hat with his free hand. When the door was fully open, a man stepped out and nodded at Don.
He was about six feet tall, slightly stocky, a middleaged man who clearly took care of himself. His black hair was slicked back into a neat coif, and his skin was evenly tanned. His watch glimmered in the afternoon sun, and I didn’t need to look closer to know it was real, and had likely cost nearly as much as my education.
