fourteen
FEELING SO SETTLED was just a little spooky to Harper’s mind. They’d taken to having dinner together in the evenings. Sitting together in the kitchen, Lily strapped in the highchair he’d carted over from the main house, he and Hayley at the table with a meal, and conversation seemed so easy it made him nervous.
They were drifting into something solid, like a boat sailing toward shore in a light wind. He wasn’t sure whether when they hit it, they’d end up bruised and battered or safe and sound.
Did she seem edgy, too, under the casual? he wondered. Or was he projecting his own jitters?
It was all so normal, this eating together at the end of the day, talking about work or Lily’s latest accomplishment. Yet twined through the respite was an intensity, a feeling. A here we are, and here we’ll stay—at least for the night.
How much did he, did both of them, want to keep the “at least” in the mix?
“I was thinking,” he began, “that if things are slow inside tomorrow, I could show you how to hybridize.”
“I know a little. Roz walked me through a snapdragon.”
“I was thinking a lily. They’re a good specimen for it, and we could try one. I was thinking we could try for a mini, something in a kind of candy pink. And name it for Lily.”
Her face switched on to glow. “Really? Like create a new specimen, for her? Oh, Harper, that would be so awesome.”
“I thought pink—but a strong pink—and we could try for a hint of red blushing the petals. Red’s your color, so it’d be like Hayley’s Lily. I was thinking.”
“You’re going to make me cry.”
“Spend some time hand-pollinating and you might just cry. It’s not an instant-gratification deal.”
“I’d really like to try.”
“Then we’ll work on it. What do you think of that, shortie?” he asked Lily. “Want your own flower?”
She picked up a green bean with two delicate fingers and dropped it with some care on the floor.
“I bet she likes the flower more than her vegetables. That’s her signal she’s done.” Hayley rose. “I’ll clean her up.”
“I could do it. Give her a bath.”
With a laugh, Hayley removed the highchair tray. “Ever given a toddler a bath?”
“No, but I’ve had a few. Just fill up the tub, dump her in, hand her the soap. Then go back and dry her off after I’ve had another beer. Just kidding,” he said when Hayley’s eyes bugged out. He unstrapped Lily, hitched her up. “Your mama thinks I’m a bath moron. We’ll show her.”
“Oh, but—”
“Stay with her at all times. Don’t even turn your back. Warm water, not hot. Blah, blah, blah,” he continued as he walked away. Over his shoulder, Lily happily waved bye-bye.
She checked on them three times, but tried to be subtle about it.
By the time she’d finished dealing with the kitchen, Lily was running around, all pink and powdered and wearing nothing but her Huggies. Some men, she decided, were natural with children. Harper seemed to be one of them.
“What’s next on her agenda?”
“I usually let her play for another hour or so, tires her out. Then maybe we’ll read a book—or part of one—if she’ll sit still long enough. Harper, don’t you want to get rid of us?”
“No. I’m hoping you’ll stay. I can set that portable deal up in the spare room. We’ll hear her if she wakes up. Then you could be with me.” He took Hayley’s hands, leaned in to take her lips. “I want you to be with me tonight.”
“Harper . . .” She eased away, then hurried after Lily. “Wait,” she said, and stopped in the living room when Lily made a beeline for a pile of plastic trucks and cars. “Where’d they come from?”
“They were mine. Some things you keep.”
She imagined Harper as a little boy, playing with his trucks and making engine noises, much as her baby was doing now. “Harper, this is so hard.”
“What’s hard?”
“Not falling dead stupid in love with you.”
He said nothing for a moment, then turned her around to face him. “What if you did?”
“That’s what I don’t know. See, that’s what I don’t know.” Her voice hitched, and she swallowed to even it out. “There’s a lot tangled up in this. We only started being with each other a few weeks ago, and there’s all this stuff happening. I don’t know what you want, what you’re looking for.”
“I’m still figuring it out.”
“That’s fine for you, Harper. I mean it really is, it’s just fine. But what if I love you? I love you, and you figure out what you want is a trip to Belize and six months bumming on the beach? I’ve got Lily to consider. I can’t —”
“Hayley, if I wanted to be a beach bum, I think I’d know it by now.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Okay, yeah. What if I fall for you, what if I love you and you decide you want to go back to Little Rock with Lily and open your own nursery?”
“I couldn’t—”
He held up a hand. “Sure you could. It’s the kind of risk people take when they get involved this way. Maybe you’ll fall, and maybe the other person won’t want what you’re looking for.”
“So we’re sensible? Take it a day at a time.”
“We could. We could do that.”
“What if I don’t want to be sensible?” she fired back. “What if I want to stand here right now and tell you I’m in love with you? What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m not sure since it’s pissing you off.”
“Of course I’m pissed off.” She threw up her arms. “I’m in love with you, damn it, Harper, and you want to be sensible, take it a day at a time. And from where I’m standing your way just sucks sideways.”
He considered himself a fairly laid-back sort of man, albeit one with a dangerous temper, which he was careful to control most of the time. How, he wondered, had he fallen so completely for a women whose moods tended to bounce around like a pinball?
Proved, he supposed, that there was no logic in love.
“Instead of going off, you should listen. I said we could be sensible. We could take it a day at a time. But since I’m in love with you right back, I’m not so crazy about that idea either.”
“You go around doing romantic stuff, movie-time romantic stuff. And then the sweet things like giving my little girl a bath, and I’m supposed to stay sensible? I mean, what do you expect, Harper, what do you expect when you . . .”
She caught her breath, then took a long one while he just looked at her, that lazy half smile on his face. “What was that part after how I should listen?”
“I said I was in love with you right back.”
“Oh. Oh.” She crouched when Lily brought her one of the trucks. “That’s nice, honey. Why don’t you go get it?” She rolled the truck across the room, got back up. “You’re not saying that because I’m being bitchy?”
“Generally, my policy doesn’t include telling a woman I’m in love with her when she’s being bitchy. Fact is, I haven’t said it to anyone before, because it’s the kind of thing that has weight. Should have weight. So you’re the first.”
“It’s not because you’re so stuck on Lily?”
He cast his eyes to heaven. “For Christ’s sake.”
“I’m picking it apart.” She held her hands up, wagged them. “I hear myself. I’m just breathless. You make me so happy I’ve been miserable.”
“Yeah, I can see how that works. Completely not.”
“I’ve been so scared.” On a laugh, she threw her arms around him. “I was so scared that I’d fall for you, then we’d end up being friends like that woman who came into the nursery the other day. I’m not going to be friends with you, Harper, if this doesn’t work out.” She reared back, then pressed her mouth hard to his. “I’m going to hate
