the dark, dreary streets of Bradford.
“I wanted better for Isabel, but there seemed no hope,” Mrs. White continued. “Then one Sunday, some strangers came to our church. A Reverend and Mrs. Grimshaw. They said they ran a charity school in Skipton, and they was looking for poor girls who needed schoolin’. They came here and talked to Isabel alone for a long time. Afterward, they said she was just the kind of girl they wanted, and they took her away in their carriage. I hated to let Isabel go-we both cried-but I knew it was for the best.”
I imagined a frightened young Isabel, riding off into the unknown, as I had done on my own first journey to the Clergy Daughters’ School.
“While she was away,” continued Mrs. White, “she wrote to me about all the things she was learnin’ and all the nice people she’d met, and she sounded happy. But when she came home for the summer holiday, she was changed. They had fixed her hair, given her smart new clothes. She talked and acted like a lady. She was a stranger to me.”
The shadow of past worries fell over Mrs. White’s aspect. “Isabel had been such a happy, friendly, talkative child. But all the time we were together again, she never smiled nor said much. When I asked her if somethin’ was wrong, she said no. She wouldn’t talk about school at all. But at night I heard her cryin’ in bed. I was afraid I’d done wrong to send her away, so I asked her if she’d like to stay home, even though there was naught for her here but the mill. She said no, and when her holiday was over, she returned to school.”
A fragment of Isabel’s conversation came back to me: We are indeed products of our early training. If something had happened to Isabel at school, was that at the root of her later troubles?
“The next holiday, she seemed more like herself,” said Mrs. White, “so I stopped worrying. She were just growin’ up, I thought. And later I was glad I had let her stay at the school, because when she was eighteen, the Reverend Grimshaw found her a good post as a governess for some rich folk up in London. By that time, my sight was going, and I couldn’t work at the mill anymore. Isabel sent me money to live on.”
I should be thankful that I was given an education that won me pleasant, lucrative employment, Isabel’s voice echoed in my mind.
“She wrote to me, but she never said much about what she was doin’ or the people she was with. She was always changin’ posts and hardly ever came home. I asked to visit her, but she always had some excuse.” Mrs. White said mournfully, “She didn’t want my company. She was risen in the world and ashamed of her mum.”
But a different explanation occurred to me: Perhaps Isabel had been ashamed of herself, for doing something she hadn’t wanted her mother to know about.
“You mentioned that you saw Isabel recently,” I said to Mrs. White. Three weeks ago would have been just before the murder. I understood why Isabel had been in Yorkshire when we met: She must have gone directly from here to the London train. “How did she behave?”
Mrs. White sighed, and her expression grew all the sadder. “She talked ever so cheerful, but I could tell she was nervous. I felt her fidgetin’ and leanin’ over to look out the window as if she was watchin’ for someone. She started at every little noise. And at night, when she thought I was asleep, I heard her cry, just like when she were a child.”
I asked Mrs. White if she knew what had ailed Isabel.
“She didn’t say. And I didn’t like to ask, because she was ever so secretive.”
Alas, it seemed that I would not learn the reason for Isabel’s death nor the identity of her killer from her mother. But my suspicions inclined ever more strongly towards Mr. White.
“Now I wish I’d made Isabel tell me what was wrong,” said her mother. “Maybe I could have helped her.” Sobs shuddered the frail old woman; her teacup sloshed, and Ellen gently removed it from her hands. “Now she’s taken her troubles to the grave. She’s gone forever, and I wish the Lord had taken me instead, for I can’t bear to live without her!”
The time had come to discharge my duty. “Before Isabel died, she wrote to me and asked me to bring you this package,” I said, and gave it to Mrs. White.
She eagerly accepted the last communication from her child. “Oh, thank you, miss,” she cried. “I’m ever so grateful.” She fumbled to open the package, then begged my assistance.
With great anticipation did I break the seal and remove the contents. There was a book bound in green cloth, and two papers-one a sheet of white stationery, the other a certificate from the Bank of England. Taking up the certificate, I said to Mrs. White, “Isabel sent you a banknote for a thousand pounds.”
Such a vast sum I had never before handled, and my companions’ faces reflected my amazement. Now I knew why Isabel wanted me to deliver the envelope: She’d deemed me less likely to steal than whoever else might have otherwise opened it for her mother.
Mrs. White exclaimed, “A thousand pounds! How generous Isabel always was! She didn’t forget her mum.” The old woman wept for joy. “But my heavens, where did she get so much money?”
I could not help thinking Isabel had come by the money dishonestly, for a governess’s savings could hardly amount to such a fortune. Perhaps she’d been carrying her ill-gotten cash in the carpetbag that she guarded so closely, and exchanged it for the note at a London bank the day she died. She must have sought me out at the Chapter Coffee House because her killer was pursuing her and she had no one else to turn to for help.
“There’s also a letter,” I said. “Would you like me to read it to you?”
“A letter from Isabel! Oh, please do, miss!”
I read aloud:
Dearest Mother,
I’m sorry to say that I must go away. It is best that I not tell you where or why, or communicate with you while I’m gone. I promise to return if I can. In the meantime, I hope Miss Bronte has delivered this package to you and the money will supply your needs until we are reunited. Please take care of yourself and do not worry about me.
Isabel
Mrs. White and Ellen listened in obvious mystification. This message from beyond the grave sent chills through me, yet offered no enlightenment. I asked Mrs. White where Isabel might have meant to go, but she could offer no suggestion. I then turned to the book.
“Isabel also sent you a copy of The Sermons of the Reverend Charles Duckworth,” I said, reading the title.
“But why would she send me a book?” Mrs. White shook her head in bewilderment. “She knows-she knew-I would be unable to read it.”
Leafing through the soiled, musty volume, I scanned the dull ramblings of an ordinary clergyman who had immortalized himself in this tract. Surely, no one would kill to steal it. Then I noticed words filling the inner margins of the book’s pages, penciled in Isabel’s handwriting.
“Mrs. White,” I said, “may I please borrow this book? I promise to return it.”
“Aye, you can keep it if you like,” Mrs. White said. “It’s no use to me.”
12
After Ellen and I left Mrs. White, we fetched our bags from the station, then engaged lodgings at a modest inn; we had tea and retired to our room for the evening. I explained to Ellen why I had taken the book from Mrs. White, and we sat on the bed to decipher Isabel’s words. The writing was so tiny that my eyes had a difficult time of it; hence, Ellen read aloud while I copied the passages into my notebook. With great trepidation do I embark upon recording the significant events of my life, for there is grave danger in hinting at what I have experienced. Furthermore, I am afraid that my narrative will show me to be a despicable sinner. Will I offend readers with a tale so sordid? Will they disbelieve me? These risks I must take, in the hope that writing my history will close a disgraceful chapter of my life. Perhaps they who would condemn me for the things I did will instead understand and pity me. And perhaps my words will reach the attention of someone able to combat an evil that is gaining destructive power even as I write. My story begins when I met the man who became the master of my soul. I was at the time familiar with the nature of men, yet did not know that men such as He existed. The others had been coarse and ugly, but He was a creature from a different world. Dark was He, yet radiant, and possessed of great
