'I don't think so, Maddie.'
'Who the hell knows. Anyway, I'm out and she's in. God, what a bummer. What hurts is that he knows how much a divorce is going to cost him-I'm going to take the fillings right out of his teeth-but he still wants it. Like he'll pay anything to get rid of me. I even suggested we stick together and he could set her up on the side-you know? I wouldn't care. But no, he wants a clean break. That's what he said: 'a clean break.' I'd like to cleanly break his goddamned neck!'
'Uh, Maddie,' Zoe said timidly, 'I can understand your being upset, but you've been divorced before.'
'I know, sweetie, I know. That's why I'm so down. I'm beginning to worry. What's wrong with me? Why can't I hold a guy? It lasts two or three years and then it falls apart. I get bored with him, or he gets bored with me, and off we go to the lawyers. Shit!'
'But you love-'
'Love?' Maddie said. 'What the fuck is love? Having laughs together and moaning in the hay? If that's what love is, then I love Harry. A great sense of humor and a stallion in the sack. Generous with money. I had no complaints there. And he never bitched. Then whammo! Out of a clear blue sky he dumps on me.'
'Is she younger?'
'Not all that much. If she was like nineteen or twenty, I could understand it. I'd figure he was going through a change of life and had to prove he could still cut the mustard with a young chick. But she's got to be thirty, at least, so what the hell does he see in her? I'm drinking all your booze, kiddo.'
'That's all right. Take as much as you want.'
'Harry dumps on me and I dump on you. I'm sorry. But I had to talk to a woman. I don't have any close women friends. A lot of guys, but all good-time Charlies. They don't want to listen to my troubles. And they're not going to be overjoyed to hear I'm getting unhitched. Zapping a married woman is fun and games, and no problems. When you haven't got a husband, a lot of men steer clear. Too much risk.'
'Is there anyone you…?'
'Anyone I can snare on the rebound? No one in the picture right now. Another thing that scares me. Let's face it, luv, we're both getting long in the tooth. You've kept your body, but the rare beef and bourbon are catching up with me. Plus more than my share of one-night stands. I look like an old broad; I know it.'
Zoe murmured something about going on a diet, cutting down on the drinking, buying some new clothes. But Madeline Kurnitz wasn't listening. She was staring off into the middle distance, the glass of vodka held near her lips.
'I've got to be married,' she said. 'Don't ask me why, but I've got to be. What the hell else can I do in this world? I wouldn't know how to earn a living if my life depended on it. I'm too old to peddle my ass, and just the idea of spending eight hours a day in some stinking office is enough to give me the up-chucks. I don't know how you do it.'
'It's not so bad.'
'The hell it isn't. While other women are having lunch at the Plaza and buying out Bonwits… I couldn't stand that.'
Zoe went to the kitchen again and brought back the bottle of white wine and a bowl of ice cubes for Maddie. They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their drinks. Maddie kicked off her shoes, pulled up her feet, began picking reflectively at the silver polish on her toenails.
'You know, sweetie, my whole life has revolved around men. It really has. I mean I've depended on them. My daddy spoiled me rotten, and then I went from husband to husband like there was no tomorrow. And what have I got to show for it? A dead father and four flopped marriages. I suppose the women liberationists would say it's my fault, I should have done something with my life. Been more independent and all that horseshit. But Goddamnit, I like men. I like to be with men. Why the hell should I work my tuchas to a frazzle when there was always a guy ready to pick up the tab?'
'You'll find someone new.'
'Yeah? I wish I could believe it. I'll take enough out of Harry's hide so that money won't be a problem. For a while at least. But I Just can't live alone. I can't stand to be by myself. You can handle it, but I can't.'
'Sometimes you have no choice,' Zoe said.
'That's what scares me,' Maddie said. 'No choice. Thank God I never had any kids. Life is shitty enough without worrying about brats. Did you ever want to have kids, Zoe?'
'Once maybe. Not anymore.'
'That fucking Harry sure pulled the plug on me. He's got me feeling sorry for myself-something I've never done before. That lousy turd. God, I'm going to miss him. Two years ago, for my birthday, he bought me a purple Mercedes-Benz convertible with my initials on the door.'
'What happened to it?'
'I totaled it on the Long Island Expressway. I was drunk or I would have killed myself. But that's the way he was. Anything I wanted. He spoiled me rotten like my father. Oh Jesus, baby, I must be boring you senseless.'
'Oh no, Maddie. I'm glad you came to me. I just wish there was some way I could help.'
'You've done enough just listening to me. I don't know what-'
Suddenly Madeline Kurnitz was weeping. She cried silently, tears welling from her eyes and straggling down her powdered cheeks. Zoe went over to the couch, sat next to her, put an arm across her shoulders.
'God, God,' Maddie wailed, 'what am I going to do?'
Zoe Kohler didn't know. So she said, 'Shh, shh,' and held the other woman until she stopped crying. After a while, Maddie said, 'Shit,' blew her nose, took her bag and went into the bathroom.
She came out about ten minutes later, hair combed, makeup repaired. Her eyes were puffy but clear. She gave Zoe a rueful smile.
'Sorry about that, luv,' she said. 'I thought I was all cried out.'
'Maddie, would you like to stay the night? You can take the bed and I'll sleep out here on the couch. Why don't you?'
'No, kiddo, but I appreciate the offer. I'll have one more drink and then I'll take off. I better get home before that shithead changes the locks on the doors. I feel a lot better now. What the hell, it's just another kick in the ass. That's what life is all about- right?'
She sat again on the couch, put more ice in her glass, filled it with vodka. She stirred it with a forefinger, then sucked the finger. She bowed her head, looked up at Zoe.
'Seeing as how it's hair-down time,' she said, 'how about the sad story of your life? You never did tell me what happened between you and-what was his name? Ralph?'
'Kenneth. And I told you. Don't you remember, Maddie? At that lunch we had at the hotel?'
'You mean the sex thing? Sure, I remember. You never got your rocks off with him. But there's got to be more to it than that.'
'Oh… it was a lot of things.'
'Like what?'
'Silly things.'
'Other people's reasons for divorce always sound silly. First of all, how did you meet the guy?'
'He was with an insurance company and was transferred to their agency in Winona. He handled all my father's business policies, and Daddy brought him home for dinner one night. He called me up for a date and we started going out. Then we began getting invited to parties and things as a couple. Then he asked me to marry him.'
'Handsome?'
'I thought so. Very big and beefy. He could be very jolly and charming when there were other people around. But about six months after we were married, he quit the insurance company and my father hired him as a kind of junior partner. Daddy was getting old, slowing down, and he wanted someone to sort of take over.'
'Oh-ho. And did your husband know this when he asked you to marry him?'
'Yes. I didn't know it at the time, but later, during one of our awful arguments, he told me that was the only reason he married me.'
'Nice guy.'
'Well… a handsome man says you're beautiful, and he's in love with you, and you believe it.'
'Not me, kiddo. I know all he wants is to dip Cecil in the hot grease.'
'I believed him. I guess I should have known better. I'm no raving beauty; I know that. I'm quiet and not very
