‘But how did he know about the factory and all that?’
Flint looked up at him pathetically. ‘If you want to know why he’s a walking encyclopedia, you go and ask him yourself.’
Sergeant Yates went out and returned five minutes later. ‘Meat One,’ he announced enigmatically.
‘Meet won?’
‘A class of butchers he used to teach. They took him round the factory’
‘Jesus,’ said Flint, ‘is there anybody that little swine hasn’t taught?’
‘He says they were most instructive.’
‘Yates, do me a favour. Just go back and find out all the names of the classes he’s taught. That way we’ll know what to expect next.’
‘Well I have heard him mention Plasterers Two and Gasfitters One…’
‘All of them, Yates, all of them. I don’t want to be caught out with some tale about Mrs Wilt being got rid of in Sewage Works because he once taught Shit Two.’ He picked the evening paper and glanced at the headlines. Police PROBE PIES FOR MISSING WIFE.
‘Oh my God,’ he groaned. ‘This is going to do our public image no end of good.’
At the Tech the Principal was expressing the same opinion at a meeting of the Heads of Departments.
‘We’ve been held up to public ridicule,’ he said. ‘First it is popularly supposed that we make a habit of employing lecturers who bury their unwanted wives in the foundations of the new block. Secondly we have lost all chance of attain Polytechnic status by having the joint Honours degree turned down by the CNAA on the grounds that those facilities we do provide are not such as befit an institution of higher learning. Professor Baxendale expressed himself very forcibly on that point and particularly on a remark he heard from one the senior staff about necrophilia…’
‘I merely said…’ Dr Board began.
‘We all know what you said, Dr Board. And it may interest you to know that Dr Cox in his lucid moments is still refusing cold meat. Dr Mayfield has already tendered his resignation. And now to cap it all we have this.’
He held app a newspaper across the top of whose second page there read SEX LECTURES STUN STUDENTS.
‘I hope you have all taken good note of the photograph,’ said the Principal bitterly, indicating a large and unfortunately angled picture of Judy hanging from the crane. ‘The article goes on…well never mind. You can read it for yourselves. I would merely like answers to the following questions. Who authorized the purchase of thirty copies of Last Exit From Brooklyn for use with Fitters and Turners?’
Mr Morris tried to think who had taken FTs. ‘I think that must have been Watkins,’ he said. ‘He left us last term. He was only a part-time lecturer.’
‘Thank God we were spared him full-time.’ said the Principal. ‘Secondly which lecturer makes a habit of advocating to Nursery Nurses that they wear…er…Dutch Caps all the time?’
‘Well Mr Sedgwick is very keen on them.’ said Mr Morris.
‘Nursery Nurses or Dutch Caps?’ enquired the Principal.
‘Possibly both together?’ suggested Dr Board sotto voce.
‘He’s got this thing against the Pill,’ said Mr Morris.
‘Well please ask Mr Sedgwick to see me in my office on Monday at ten. I want to explain the terms under which he is employed here. And finally, how many lecturers do you know of who make use of Audio Visual Aid equipment to show blue movies to the Senior Secs?’
Mr Morris shook his head emphatically. ‘No one in my department.’ he said.
