‘Substantiate it?’
‘The fact that you made a habit of dressing it up and carrying on with it.’
‘I didn’t make a habit of anything of the sort,’ said Wilt indignantly.
‘I’m only asking. You were the one who first raised the fact that it had a vagina. I didn’t. You volunteered the information and naturally I assumed…’
‘What did you assume?’ said Wilt ‘You’ve got no right…’
‘Mr Wilt,’ said the Inspector, ‘put yourself in my position. I am investigating a case of suspected murder, and a man comes along and tells me that what two eye-witnesses describe as the body of a well-nourished woman in her early thirties…’
‘In her early thirties? Dolls don’t have ages. If that bloody doll was more than six months old…’
‘Please, Mr Wilt, if you’ll just let me continue. As I was saying we have a prima facie case of murder and you admit yourself to having put a doll with a vagina down that hole. Now if you were in my shoes what sort of inference would you draw from that?’
Wilt tried to think of some totally innocent interpretation and couldn’t.
‘Wouldn’t you be the first to agree that it does look a bit peculiar?’
Wilt nodded. It looked horribly peculiar.
‘Right,’ continued the Inspector. ‘Now if we put the nicest possible interpretation on your actions and particularly on your emphasis that this doll had a vagina–’
‘I didn’t emphasise it. I only mentioned the damned thing to indicate that it was extremely lifelike. I wasn’t suggesting I made a habit of…’ He stopped and looked miserably at the floor.
‘Go on, Mr Wilt, don’t stop now. It often helps to talk.’
Wilt stared at him frantically. Talking to Inspector Flint wasn’t helping him one iota. ‘If you’re implying that my sex life was confined to copulating with an inflatable fucking doll dressed in my wife’s clothes…’
‘Hold it there,’ said the Inspector, stubbing out his cigarette significantly. ‘Ah, so we’ve taken another step forward. You admit then that whatever is down that hole is dressed in your wife’s clothes? Yes or no.’
‘Yes,’ said Wilt miserably.
Inspector Flint stood up. ‘I think it’s about time we all went and had a little chat with Mrs Wilt,’ he said. ‘I want to hear what she has to say about your funny little habits.’
‘I’m afraid that’s going to be a little difficult,’ said Wilt.
‘Difficult?’
‘Well you see the thing is she’s gone away.’
‘Gone away?’ said the Inspector. ‘Did I hear you say that Mrs Wilt has gone away?’
‘Yes.’
‘And where has Mrs Wilt gone to?’
‘That’s the trouble. I don’t know.’
‘You don’t know?’
‘No, I honestly don’t know,’ said Wilt.
‘She didn’t tell you where she was going?’
‘No. She just wasn’t there when I got home.’
‘She didn’t leave a note or anything like that?’
‘Yes,’ said Wilt, ‘as a matter of fact she did.’
‘Right, well let’s just go up to your house and have a look at that note.’
‘I’m afraid that’s not possible,’ said Wilt. ‘I got rid of it.’
‘You got rid of it?’ said the Inspector. ‘You got rid of it? How?’
Wilt looked pathetically across at the police stenographer. ‘To tell the truth I wiped
