divorce the bitch. Were you having intercourse at the time?'
'No comment,' said Wilt deciding that silence was the best policy The doctor donned surgical gloves and drew his own ghastly conclusions. He loaded a hypodermic.
'After what you've already been through,' he said approaching the couch, 'this isn't going to hurt at all.'
Wilt bounded off the couch again. 'Hold it,' he shouted. 'If you imagine for one moment that you're going to stick that surgical hornet into my private fucking parts you can think again. And what's that for?'
The Sister had picked up an aerosol can.
'Just a mild disinfectant and freezer. I'll spray it on first and you won't feel the little prick.'
'Won't I? Well let me tell you that I want to feel it. If I'd wanted anything else I'd have let nature take its course and I wouldn't be here now. And what's she doing with that razor?'
'Sterilizing it. We've got to shave you.'
'Have you just? I've heard that one before, and while we're on the subject of sterilizing I'd like to hear your views on vasectomy.'
'I'm pretty neutral on the subject,' said the doctor.
'Well I'm not,' snarled Wilt from the corner. 'In fact I am distinctly biased not to say prejudiced. What are you laughing about?' The muscular Sister was smiling. 'You're not some damned women's libber, are you?'
'I'm a working woman,' said the Sister, 'and my politics are my own affair. They don't enter into the matter.'
'And I'm a working man and I want to remain that way and politics do enter into the matter. I've heard what they get up to in India and if I walk out of here with a transistor, no balls and jabbering like an incipient mezzo-soprano I warn you I shall return with a meat cleaver and you'll both learn what social genetics are all about.'
'Well, if that is your attitude,' said the doctor, 'I suggest you try private medicine, Mr Wilt. You get what you pay for that way. I can only assure you.'
It took ten minutes to lure Wilt back on to the couch and five seconds to get him off again clutching his scrotum.
'Freezer,' he squealed. 'My God, you meant it too. What the hell do you think I've got down there, a packet of freezable peas?'
'We'll just wait until the anaesthetic takes effect,' said the doctor. 'It shouldn't be long now.'
'It isn't,' squawked Wilt peering down. 'It's bloody disappearing. I came in here to have minor medication, not a sex-change operation, and if you think my wife is going to be happy having a husband with a clitoris you sorely misjudge the woman.'
'I'd say you had already misjudged her,' said the doctor cheerfully. 'Any woman who can inflict that sort of damage on her husband deserves what she gets.'
'She may but I don't,' said Wilt frantically. 'I happen... What's she doing with that tube?'
The Sister was unwrapping a catheter.
'Mr Wilt,' said the doctor, 'we are going to insert this...'
'No, you're not,' shouted Wilt. 'I may be shrinking rapidly in parts but I'm not Alice in Wonderland or a fucking dwarf with chronic constipation. I heard what she said about an oil enema and I'm not having one.'
'No one intends giving you an enema. This will simply enable you to pass water through the bandages. Now kindly get back on the couch before I have to call for assistance.'
'What do you mean pass water simply?' asked Wilt cautiously, climbing on to the couch. The doctor explained, and this time it took four male nurses to hold Wilt down. Throughout the
