The Darkest Secret

almost-kiss. Which reminded her she was in his arms and had only to stretch up to press their lips together.

Have you seen the man who — have you seen him since?

She blinked. Concentrate. While she’d been opening the doors to her body’s desires, Amun had been focused on the being responsible for her family’s demise, still determined to look out for her. «A few times,» she hedged. More like a hundred.

When? Where?

«Each time, just before I die,» she admitted. Always a prelude to the end of her current existence, as if he poisoned whatever life she’d managed to build for herself. But as many times as she’d seen him, she’d never fought him. And she’d wanted to fight him, so badly. He would simply reveal himself, that dark robe dancing around his ankles, his feet not quite touching the floor. He would watch her, hate dripping from him. He would curse at her. But he would never touch her or allow her to touch him. Then, he would disappear.

I need to think on this, Amun said.

Her stomach chose that moment to rumble, and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Once again Amun lifted her up, but this time he placed her on that bed of petals. Instantly she mourned the loss of his arms, his heat. I need to find you something to eat. I was afraid the snakes would harm you, even in their deaths, so I brought none of their meat with us.

Always taking care of her, her Amun. «I wish that stupid angel had packed a few protein bars and bottles of water,» she said, snappier than she’d intended.

Beside her, the pack in question plumped up with a whoosh. She and Amun shared a confused glance. Frowning, he leaned over, unzipped the panels and reached inside. He withdrew a handful of protein bars.

His frown deepened as he upended the bag and dumped out the contents: more protein bars, followed by bottles of water. Just like that, his frown softened with hints of relief and wonder.

Ask for something else, he commanded.

Haidee lumbered to her knees, not daring to hope. «I wish the pack had sandwiches and fruit.»

The sides of the pack expanded a second time before sandwich after sandwich fell on top of the bars, each encased in a clear plastic wrapper. And when those stopped raining down, apples and oranges began to drop and roll. Haidee’s mouth watered.

«I want wet wipes and a change of clothes. I want weapons and toothpaste and a toothbrush—' they’d left those behind «—and a first aid kit for Amun’s wounds.» As she spoke, each of the requested items joined the pile.

Giddy, she sorted through the food, picking out what she wanted to eat. Once she had a ham sandwich and apple in hand, she practically inhaled them. Then another sandwich, then an orange. She drained two bottles of water. Every bite, every drop was heaven. And when she finally finished, too full to shovel in another crumb, she cleaned herself as best she could with the wipes, brushed her teeth — God, that felt good — and finally allowed herself to glance over at Amun. Breath caught in her throat.

The firelight caressed him lovingly, bestowing a golden tint on his dark skin. A tint she hadn’t noticed before. He was watching her, a strange, bemused expression on his beautiful face, and a half-eaten apple in his hand. Obviously he’d cleaned up, too, since his face was no longer streaked with dirt.

«Let me bandage your wounds,» she said quietly.

The bemused expression vanished, his pupils expanding, his nostrils flaring as if he suddenly scented prey. Her eyes widened. What had she said?

Your concern for me is nice, but to bandage me, you’ll have to put your hands on me. I want your hands on me for a different reason.

«I–I…okay.»

Come here. There was such force, such command in his tone, she didn’t even think about refusing.

She crawled to him, quickly closing the distance between them. He set the apple aside, but he didn’t touch her. He simply peered at her. Waiting. Expectant. She rose to her haunches, breathing him in. The sandalwood was now layered with the peat smoke.

She was supposed to bandage him first, right? Then touch him for a different reason. «I–I forgot the supplies.» They were around here somewhere, and—

Forget the supplies again. You’re going to kiss me now, Haidee.

His heat was like a thick vine around her. She found herself almost in a trance as she straightened and said, «Yes.» Finally. Another kiss. Exactly what she’d craved. Forever, it seemed.

A kiss between you and me and no other.

«Yes.» A plea from deep inside.

Do it, then. His voice snapped like a whip, daring her even as it warned her.

It was then she realized that, on some level, he was still fighting his desire, exactly as he had in the shower, just before he’d walked away from her, and that even when their tongues were rolling together, he still meant to resist her, to maintain distance.

She wasn’t going to let him.

If she gave her all to their kiss, he had to give his all, too. That was only fair.

«I–I won’t kiss you,» she said, shivering as his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. «I mean, I won’t do it because I’m grateful to you, and I won’t do it to distract or soften you. I’ll do it just because I want you. So get ready. Because I expect the same from you. If you can’t do the same, walk away now.»

Chapter Sixteen

I’ll do it just because I want you. As Haidee’s soft, shattering words echoed in Amun’s mind, he stopped waiting for her to take the lead, stopped waiting for her to physically prove her desire for him, thereby atoning for her rejection of him in favor of Micah in the shower.

I can give you what you want, he told her, voice raw.

Her lips parted on a relieved gasp.

He didn’t want her relieved; he wanted her mindless. With a moan, he crushed his mouth to hers, one hand at her nape, one on her ass, and jerked her into the uncompromising line of his body. Immediately she opened for him, welcoming the hard thrust of his tongue into those wet, satiny depths. He tasted mint and apple, both frosted like ice cream. Both fueling his need.

During their talk, he’d meant to ask her about the unnatural chill of her skin, but as she’d spoken of death and pain, he had focused only on that. On finding a way to save her. There had to be a way. And there had to be a reason she kept coming back.

How many times had she died? he’d wondered. In how many ways? Not knowing tortured him, but he had a feeling that knowing would utterly destroy him. No matter what she’d done in the past, she hadn’t deserved to suffer as she clearly had. Especially more than once. The fear in her eyes as she’d spoken of being reborn into the same body…he never wanted to see it again.

And could he really blame her for her hatred of him and his friends? A demon-possessed immortal had slain her family, her husband. Amun would have reacted the same way, lashing out at everyone responsible, even the slightest bit. At the time of Baden’s death, Haidee had known only that the Lords were violent, crazed, capable of any dark deed. Of course she’d sought to destroy them.

He’d done the same to her. To her colleagues.

Now, as Amun looked back without any taint of guilt, fury or despair, he knew three things to be true. Haidee had lost her family. He had lost a friend. He wasn’t going to hate her for that loss anymore. Since she’d fought her way into his bedroom, so sweetly caring for his wounds, the sentiment hadn’t sat right with him, anyway. He’d had to force the issue.

Now, he wanted all of her. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, settle for less, his need to touch no longer about tiring of her or freeing himself of this obsession, but about gratifying her.

«Amun,» she rasped, and the sound of his name on those pleasure-giving lips nearly undid him. «You…you stopped. Why did you stop?»