The Ugly Little Boy

distraction.

She did not wish to appeal to Hoskins; she did not wish to have to go to him; for each time she thought of him, she thought of his face over the luncheon table that last time. Her eyes moistened and she thought: Stupid, stupid man.

And then one day Hoskins’ voice sounded unexpectedly, calling into the dollhouse, “Miss Fellowes.”

She came out coldly, smoothing her nurse’s uniform, then stopped in confusion at finding herself in the presence of a pale woman, slender and of middle height. The woman’s fair hair and complexion gave her an appearance of fragility. Standing behind her and clutching at her skirt was a round-faced, large-eyed child of four.

Hoskins said, “Dear, this is Miss Fellowes, the nurse in charge of the boy. Miss Fellowes, this is my wife.”

(Was this his wife? She was not as Miss Fellowes had imagined her to be. But then, why not? A man like Hoskins would choose a weak thing to be his foil. If that was what he wanted—)

She forced a matter-of-fact greeting. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Hoskins. Is this your—your little boy?”

(Thatwas a surprise. She had thought of Hoskins as a husband, but not as a father, except, of course—She suddenly caught Hoskins’ grave eyes and flushed.)

Hoskins said, “Yes, this is my boy, Jerry. Say hello to Miss Fellowes, Jerry.”

(Had he stressed the word “this” just a bit? Was he saying this was his son and not—)

Jerry receded a bit further into the folds of the maternal skirt and muttered his hello. Mrs. Hoskins’ eyes were searching over Miss Fellowes’ shoulders, peering into the room, looking for something.

Hoskins said, “Well, let’s go in. Come, dear. There’s a trifling discomfort at the threshold, but it passes.”

Miss Fellowes said, “Do you want Jerry to come in, too?”

“Of course. He is to be Timmie’s playmate. You said that Timmie needed a playmate. Or have you forgotten?”

“But—” She looked at him with a colossal, surprised wonder. “Your boy?”

He said peevishly, “Well, whose boy, then? Isn’t this what you want? Come on in, dear. Come on in.”

Mrs. Hoskins lifted Jerry into her arms with a distinct effort and, hesitantly, stepped over the threshold. Jerry squirmed as she did so, disliking the sensation.

Mrs. Hoskins said in a thin voice, “Is the creature here? I don’t see him.”

Miss Fellowes called, “Timmie. Come out.”

Timmie peered around the edge of the door, staring up at the little boy who was visiting him. The muscles in Mrs. Hoskins’ arms tensed visibly.

She said to her husband, “Gerald, are you sure it’s safe?”

Miss Fellowes said at once, “If you mean is Timmie safe, why, of course he is. He’s a gentle little boy.”

“But he’s a sa—savage.”

(The ape-boy stories in the newspapers!) Miss Fellowes said emphatically, “He is not a savage. He is just as quiet and reasonable as you can possibly expect a five-and-a-half-year-old to be. It is very generous of you, Mrs. Hoskins, to agree to allow your boy to play with Timmie but please have no fears about it.”

Mrs. Hoskins said with mild heat, “I’m not sure that I agree.”

“We’ve had it out, dear,” said Hoskins. “Let’s not bring up the matter for new argument. Put Jerry down.”

Mrs. Hoskins did so and the boy backed against her, staring at the pair of eyes which were staring back at him from the next room.

“Come here, Timmie,” said Miss Fellowes. “Don’t be afraid.”

Slowly, Timmie stepped into the room. Hoskins bent to disengage Jerry’s fingers from his mother’s skirt. “Step back, dear. Give the children a chance.”

The youngsters faced one another. Although the younger, Jerry was nevertheless an inch taller, and in the presence of his straightness and his high-held, well-proportioned head, Timmie’s grotesqueries were suddenly almost as pronounced as they had been in the first days.

Miss Fellowes’ lips quivered.

It was the little Neanderthal who spoke first, in childish treble. “What’s your name?” And Timmie thrust his face suddenly forward as though to inspect the other’s features more closely.

Startled Jerry responded with a vigorous shove that sent Timmie tumbling. Both began crying loudly and Mrs. Hoskins snatched up her child, while Miss Fellowes, flushed with repressed anger, lifted Timmie and comforted him.

Mrs. Hoskins said, “They just instinctively don’t like one another.”

“No more instinctively,” said her husband wearily, “than any two children dislike each other. Now put Jerry down and let him get used to the situation. In fact, we had better leave. Miss Fellowes can bring Jerry to my office after a while and I’ll have him taken home.”

The two children spent the next hour very aware of each other. Jerry cried for his mother, struck out at Miss Fellowes and, finally, allowed himself to be comforted with a lollipop. Timmie sucked at another, and at the end of an hour, Miss Fellowes had them playing with the same set of blocks, though at opposite ends of the room.

She found herself almost maudlinly grateful to Hoskins when she brought Jerry to him.

She searched for ways to thank him but his very formality was a rebuff. Perhaps he could not forgive her for making him feel like a cruel father. Perhaps the bringing of his own child was an attempt, after all, to prove himself both a kind father to Timmie and, also, not his father at all. Both at the same time!

So all she could say was, “Thank you. Thank you very much.”

And all he could say was, “It’s all right. Don’t mention it.”

It became a settled routine. Twice a week, Jerry was brought in for an hour’s play, later extended to two hours’ play. The children learned each other’s names and ways and played together.

And yet, after the first rush of gratitude, Miss Fellowes found herself disliking Jerry. He was larger and heavier and in all things dominant, forcing Timmie into a completely secondary role. All that reconciled her to the situation was the fact that, despite difficulties, Timmie looked forward with more and more delight to the periodic appearances of his playfellow.

It was all he had, she mourned to herself.

And once, as she watched them, she thought: Hoskins’ two children, one by his wife and one by Stasis.

While she herself—

Heavens, she thought, putting her fists to her temples and feeling ashamed: I’m jealous!

“Miss Fellowes,” said Timmie (carefully, she had never allowed him to call her anything else) “when will I go to school?”

She looked down at those eager brown eyes turned up to hers and passed her hand softly through his thick, curly hair. It was the most disheveled portion of his appearance, for she cut his hair herself while he sat restlessly under the scissors. She did not ask for professional help, for the very clumsiness of the cut served to mask the retreating fore part of the skull and the bulging hinder part.

She said, “Where did you hear about school?”

“Jerry goes to school. Kin-der-gar-ten.” He said it carefully. “There are lots of places he goes. Outside. When can I go outside, Miss Fellowes?”

A small pain centered in Miss Fellowes’ heart. Of course, she saw, there would be no way of avoiding the inevitability of Timmie’s hearing more and more of the outer world he could never enter.

She said, with an attempt at gaiety, “Why, whatever would you do in kindergarten, Timmie?”

“Jerry says they play games, they have picture tapes. He says there are lots of children. He says—he says—” A thought, then a triumphant upholding of both small hands with the fingers splayed apart. “He says this many.”

Miss Fellowes said, “Would you like picture tapes? I can get you picture tapes. Very nice ones. And music tapes too.”

So that Timmie was temporarily comforted.

He pored over the picture tapes in Jerry’s absence and Miss Fellowes read to him out of ordinary books by the hours.