the person who never has fit in. It's like I'm Kryptonite. If somebody saw someone take a swing at me, they'd say nothing because if they did speak up, they'd be targeted. They'd be branded as the person who snitched. That's how it works. With the exception of these two, nobody has ever taken a stand. I'm screwed.'
'No, you're not,' Alex said. 'I've got your back.'
'I appreciate that,' I said. 'But you're not always going to be there. Hastings will have his day with me. I can give you the names of two dozen others who also will have at me.'
'Then give me the names,' Roberts said. “I’ll talk to them.”
'And make things worse? I can't do that. There's no way you can shut down all of the people who have made it their life's work to make my life a living hell. And don't think I'm being melodramatic-I'm not.'
'You're going to have to trust someone, Seth.'
'I do,' I said. 'After today, I trust these two. After you've talked to Mrs. Branson, I'll know how firm you were with her and then, if she does find some compassion and does change, maybe I can trust you, too.'
'I hope that's the case, because I plan to talk to her and Mike Hastings immediately.'
In the silence that passed, I felt embarrassed. I'd never opened up like this to anyone. I felt exposed and uncomfortable. I just wanted to leave. 'Anyway,' I said. 'I've probably said too much. I've gotten through years of this crap and I can get through this year. Then I can move out of this town and start a new life somewhere else.” I looked at her. “Do you mind if we leave now?'
She shook her head.
'Do I need to go back to her class? There's, like, another forty minutes left. I don't want to go back in there.'
'I don't expect you to. Why don't you take the rest of the day for yourself? Go home. Let me talk to Mrs. Branson and Mike Hastings. We also have a teacher's meeting tonight. Believe me when I say that I'll be sending every teacher in that room a warning.'
Outside Roberts' office, the three of us stood together. They were trying to be discrete, but I was aware of them looking at my face and my hair, and wondering what the hell I had done to myself to go from what they knew to what they saw now. I 'd gone too far. I should have been more subtle. What was I thinking?
'I appreciate what you both did for me today,' I said. 'It means a lot.'
'Are you walking home?' Alex asked.
'Because you don't need to,' Jennifer said. 'I've got a car. It's not much, but I saved up for it and it runs. I'll take you home if you don't want to walk. I could ask Principal Roberts. She won't mind.'
Alone with her in a car? I’d never spent much time around girls because none wanted to spend time around me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alex looking intently at me. Did he want me to take the shot and go with her? Or was he interested in Jennifer, himself? 'Thanks,' I said. 'But actually a walk sounds good.'
'You sure?'
I nodded. And truth be told, I needed that walk. I planned on doing something on that walk. I wasn't looking forward to it, but it had to be done, regardless of the death it would cause. 'I'll be fine-all of the beasts are rubbing their hands in here. Would you do something for me, Jennifer?'
'Of course.'
'Can you get that video you shot off your phone and put it on a thumbdrive for me? I think I might be needing it if Branson tries to screw me.'
'I can do that. I'll have it for you tomorrow.'
'I'll pay for the drive.'
'Don't worry about it,' she said. 'My brother's a techie. He won't miss it.'
CHAPTER EIGHT
There are woods behind the school that, if you keep on the main path and walk along several winding miles, will eventually empty out near the neighborhood where I live.
And also where creepy Jim lives.
I needed to see if he was home and have a talk with him, but first there was something I needed to do if I was going to fully understand the amulet's power and the weight of responsibility that came from wearing it.
The day was bright and warm, so warm that I took off my light jacket and exposed my pale arms to the sun. The heat felt good. I ran a hand over my face and for the first time in years, what I felt was smooth, with just a touch of stubble. There were no swollen bumps, no pustules ready to pop-instead, my face wasn't the cratered valley of boulders it had been that morning. Now it was normal.
I ran a hand through my hair and was surprised by how smooth it was. I shook my head and it seemed to fall back naturally in place, which my hair never did because ever since I could remember, it had been a thick, wiry mess with an unruly mind of its own.
I wondered what my parents would think when they saw me, but then I checked myself because I already knew. They wouldn’t realize there was a difference. They'd be oblivious to it.
As I walked into the woods and started down the dirt path, I looked down at my thin arms and wondered what the rest of me would look like if I had a body like Alex. Or even Hastings. The temptation to transform myself was great-and I knew I could do it. But not yet, or at least not all at once.
How much was too much? How much was just enough? I was tall and skinny. I tried working out in my bedroom for years, but muscle proved to be no magnet for my body. In fact, it rejected it. With disappointment, I ran my hands down the length of my concave chest and flat abdomen. Nothing was defined-it was all skin and bone. I hated my body, but I knew enough now that transforming it would need to happen gradually.
And it would happen today.
I looked above me on the path. The trees were beautiful, swaying just slightly in the breeze. The sky beyond them was clear blue. The sun was strong and it dappled down to the forest floor. I didn't want to do what was coming next, but I had no choice.
What was the least-destructive route? If I was going to do this, how best to minimize the damage in the life I was about to take?
Ahead of me was a squirrel. It had seen me and already hopped from the forest floor to a pine tree, which it now clung to as it looked at me. It was cute and kind of funny. No way, I thought. But what I saw beneath that squirrel could work. It was a clutch of wild flowers. They were pure white and tall, with a few bees hovering above them. Soon, fall would turn to winter and these flowers would die back. Time was ticking against them.
And that time just ticked a little faster.
I went and looked down at them. You work it with your heart and with your head. I studied them and knew what I had to do to make this work, and so I imagined Mike Hastings' face on all of them.
I imagined the flowers calling me a 'freak' and a 'faggot,' just as Hastings had today. I thought of all the shitty things he'd ever done to me and my anger rose. I thought back to last year, when he came up behind me in the library and shoved me so hard that I passed out when my head hit the floor.
I thought of the day that I fell in line behind him at lunch and had to sit opposite him. Over and over again, he told me what a worthless piece of shit I was while he threw peas at my forehead while the others laughed. He told me I didn't deserve to be sitting across from him. He said I should be dead because he was tired of all the dirty air I created.
And so with all this in mind, I looked at those flowers and said what I always said when he came after me. 'Die!'
At first, nothing happened-the flowers were unwavering. They stood tall and were beautiful. But then, starting at the base of their stems, a darkness took hold as the stems started to turn black.
I took a step backward and watched the blackness consume them. It reached upward toward the leaves, which folded in on themselves, and then it fanned out to the flowers, whose petals fell off while their necks drooped. And then the stems themselves collapsed because there was nothing left to hold them up. It was over in a matter of seconds. What was once a stand of wild white flowers brightening this corner of the world was now actively liquefying into a gray puddle of rot at my feet.
