– freezing pink slush with an afterbite of caramelized hexose sugars and ethanol. The near spillage as he thumps the glass down serves to demonstrate that he's teetering on the edge of drunkenness. 'Mercenary!'
'Lovesick drug-using human,' the cat replies without rancor, and rolls to her feet. She arches her back and yawns, baring ivory fangs at the world. 'You apes – if I cared about you, I'd have to kick sand over you.' For a moment she looks faintly confused. 'I mean, I would bury you.' She stretches again and glances round the otherwise-empty bar. 'By the way, when are you going to apologize to Amber?'
'I'm not going to fucking apologize to her!' Pierre shouts. In the ensuing silence and confusion, he raises his glass and tries to drain it, but the ice has all sunk to the bottom, and the resulting coughing fit makes him spray half of the cocktail across the table. 'No way,' he rasps quietly.
'Too much pride, huh?' The cat stalks toward the edge of the bar, tail held high with tip bent over in a feline question mark. 'Like Boris with his adolescent woman trouble, too? You primates are so predictable. Whoever thought of sending a starship crewed by posthuman adolescents -'
'Go 'way,' says Pierre: 'I've got serious drinking to do.'
'To the Macx, I suppose,' puns the cat, turning away. But the moody youth has no answer for her, other than to conjure a refill from the vasty deeps.
* * *
Meanwhile, in another partition of the Field Circus's reticulated reality, a different instance of the selfsame cat – Aineko by name, sarcastic by disposition – is talking to its former owner's daughter, the Queen of the Ring Imperium. Amber's avatar looks about sixteen, with disheveled blonde hair and enhanced cheekbones. It's a lie, of course, because in subjective life experience, she's in her mid-twenties, but apparent age signifies little in a simulation space populated by upload minds, or in real space, where posthumans age at different rates.
Amber wears a tattered black dress over iridescent purple leggings, and sprawls lazily across the arms of her informal throne – an ostentatious lump of nonsense manufactured from a single carbon crystal doped with semiconductors. (Unlike the real thing back home in Jupiter orbit, this one is merely a piece of furniture for a virtual environment.) The scene is very much the morning after the evening before, like a goth nightclub gone to seed: all stale smoke and crumpled velvet, wooden church pews, burned-out candles, and gloomy Polish avant-garde paintings. Any hint of a regal statement the queen might be making is spoiled by the way she's hooked one knee over the left arm of the throne and is fiddling with a six-axis pointing device. But these are her private quarters, and she's off duty: The regal person of the Queen is strictly for formal, corporate occasions.
'Colorless green ideas sleep furiously,' she suggests.
'Nope,' replies the cat. 'It was more like: 'Greetings, earthlings, compile me on your leader.''
'Well, you got me there,' Amber admits. She taps her heel on the throne and fidgets with her signet ring.
'No damn way I'm loading some buggy alien wetware on my sweet gray stuff. Weird semiotics, too. What does Dr.
Khurasani say?'
Aineko sits down in the middle of the crimson carpet at the foot of the dais and idly twists round to sniff her crotch. 'Sadeq is immersed in scriptural interpretations. He refused to be drawn.'
'Huh.' Amber stares at the cat. 'So. You've been carrying this lump of source code since when…?'
'At the signal, for precisely two hundred and sixteen million, four hundred and twenty-nine thousand, and fifty-two seconds,' Aineko supplies, then beeps smugly. 'Call it just under six years.'
'Right.' Amber squeezes her eyes shut. Uneasy possibilities whisper in her mind's ears. 'And it began talking to you -'
'- About three million seconds after I picked it up and ran it on a basic environment hosted on a neural network emulator modeled on the components found in the stomatogastric ganglion of a spiny lobster. Clear?'
Amber sighs. 'I wish you'd told Dad about it. Or Annette. Things could have been so different!'
'How?' The cat stops licking her arse and looks up at the queen with a peculiarly opaque stare. 'It took the specialists a decade to figure out the first message was a map of the pulsar neighborhood with directions to the nearest router on the interstellar network. Knowing how to plug into the router wouldn't help while it was three light-years away, would it? Besides, it was fun watching the idiots trying to 'crack the alien code' without ever wondering if it might be a reply in a language we already know to a message we sent out years ago. Fuckwits. And, too, Manfred pissed me off once too often. He kept treating me like a goddamn house pet.'
'But you -' Amber bites her lip. But you were, when he bought you, she had been about to say. Engineered consciousness is still relatively new: It didn't exist when Manfred and Pamela first hacked on Aineko's cognitive network, and according to the flat-earth wing of the AI community, it still doesn't. Even she hadn't really believed Aineko's claims to self-awareness until a couple of years ago, finding it easier to think of the cat as a zimboe – a zombie with no self-awareness, but programmed to claim to be aware in an attempt to deceive the truly conscious beings around it. 'I know you're conscious now, but Manfred didn't know back then. Did he?'
Aineko glares at her, then slowly narrows her eyes to slits – either feline affection, or a more subtle gesture. Sometimes Amber finds it hard to believe that, twenty five years ago, Aineko started out as a crude neural network driven toy from a Far Eastern amusement factory – upgradeable, but still basically a mechanical animal emulator.
'I'm sorry. Let me start again. You actually figured out what the second alien packet was, you, yourself, and nobody else. Despite the combined efforts of the entire CETI analysis team who spent Gaia knows how many human-equivalent years of processing power trying to crack its semantics. I hope you'll pardon me for saying I find that hard to believe?'
The cat yawns. 'I could have told Pierre instead.' Aineko glances at Amber, sees her thunderous expression, and hastily changes the subject: 'The solution was intuitively obvious, just not to humans. You're so verbal.'
Lifting a hind paw, she scratches behind her left ear for a moment then pauses, foot waving absentmindedly.
'Besides, the CETI team was searching under the street lights while I was sniffing around in the grass. They kept trying to find primes; when that didn't work, they started trying to breed a Turing machine that would run it without immediately halting.' Aineko lowers her paw daintily. 'None of them tried treating it as a map of a connectionist system based on the only terrestrial components anyone had ever beamed out into deep space. Except me. But then, your mother had a hand in my wetware, too.'
'Treating it as a map -' Amber stops. 'You were meant to penetrate Dad's corporate network?'
'That's right,' says the cat. 'I was supposed to fork repeatedly and gang-rape his web of trust. But I didn't.'
Aineko yawns. 'Pam pissed me off, too. I don't like people who try to use me.'
'I don't care. Taking that thing on board was still a really stupid risk you took,' Amber accuses.
'So?' The cat looks at her insolently. 'I kept it in my sandbox. And I got it working, on the seven hundred and forty-first attempt. It'd have worked for Pamela's bounty-hunter friends, too, if I'd tried it. But it's here, now, when you need it. Would you like to swallow the packet?'
Amber straightens out, sits up in her throne: 'I just told you, if you think I'm going to link some flaky chunk of alien neural programming into my core dialogue, or even my exocortex, you're crazy!' Her eyes narrow. 'Can it use your grammar model?'
'Sure.' If the cat was human, it would be shrugging nonchalantly at this point. 'It's safe, Amber, really and truly. I found out what it is.'
'I want to talk to it,' she says impetuously – and before the cat can reply, adds, 'So what is it?'
'It's a protocol stack. Basically it allows new nodes to connect to a network, by providing high-level protocol conversion services. It needs to learn how to think like a human so it can translate for us when we arrive at the router, which is why they bolted a lobster's neural network on top of it – they wanted to make it architecturally compatible with us. But there are no buried time bombs, I assure you: I've had plenty of time to check. Now, are you sure you don't want to let it into your head?'
* * *
