By woman, not by man.
A handsome maid did undertake,
And into the bed she leap'd;
And to allay the spirit's power,
Full close to him she crept;
She having such a guardian care
Her office to discharge,
She open'd wide her conjuring book,
And laid her leaves at large.
Her office she did well perform,
Within a little space;
Then up she rose, and down he lay,
And durst not show his face.
She took her leave, and away she went,
When she had done the deed;
Saying, 'If it chance to come again,
Then send for me with speed.'
EPIGRAM
The sovereign Midas, once 'tis said of old, Whate'er he touch'd, could instant change to gold;
Now German Monarchs view their legions dead, And boast their art to draw their gold from lead.
The Duke de R- saw a beautiful girl at a ball at Paris, he sent his aide-de-camp to tell her he would give her fifty guineas for a single hair beneath her eyebrows (meaning her eyelashes, it is presumed). The girl sent her compliments to the Duke, and gave him to understand that she was not a retail merchant, but if his Grace chose to purchase the whole at that price, they were at his service.
Not long ago, a very worthy curate, asking for a living, and as simple as need be, finding that a neighbouring living was vacant, wrote to a gentleman who he thought could forward his pretensions. As his wife was going into that part of the country, he entrusted the letter to her care. The letter was in these words:
'Most worthy Sir,
'Through the 'channel of my wife,' I entreat your endeavour to oblige me. The living of…….. is become vacant, and if you could put me in, I should, God willing, never forget the obligation. My wife will return in two days, and any good wishes and endeavours to serve me, may be communicated, by the blessing of Providence, through her means. I am, amp;c.'
The following answer came back:
'Dear Sir,
'Your wife having 'laid before me' the whole matter of your request, I am sorry to tell you the 'thing is filled up'; you cannot be more sorry than I am on this disappointment; but you may depend on it, should another 'opening' present itself, I will 'stand' your friend, amp; Your's, amp;c.'
A noble lord, lately married, was observed to bestow more time and attention in examining his bride's estate than might have been expected on his wedding day; but it was natural, that on entering into possession, he should be desirous of surveying the premises.
As the Duke of Sully was going one morning into the chamber of Harry the Fourth of France, he met a lady whom he knew to have been with him on a private account. When Sully came, the King began to complain in a mournful tone,
'Ah, Sully! I have had a fever upon me all this morning, it has but just left me.' 'I know it, sire,' says Sully, 'for I met it going away all in green!'
Lady Archer, driving through Pall Mall, exclaimed to her coachman, 'Why, John, I cannot make this horse answer the whip.' 'Tickle him under the
PITTY PAT
Pitty pat, pitty pat, went my heart,
When Damon first his suit preferr'd,
He squeez'd my hand, nor would he part
Till all his tender tales I heard -
Those tales were so pleasing,
I could not but hear,
And still he kept squeezing,
And call'd me his dear!
His little dear, his pretty dear, his sweetest dearest dear!
Pitty pat, pitty pat, went my heart,
When first he rudely stole a kiss,
'Oh, fie! you naughty man, depart,'
'Indeed, I won't, my dearest Miss,'
He kiss'd, and he told me
His love was sincere,
And still did he hold me,
And calFd me his dear!
His little dear, his pretty dear, his sweetest dearest dear!
Pitty pat, pitty pat, went still more
My heart, when daddy found us out;
Dad frown'd, and many an oath he swore,
Pray, Hussey, what are you about?
But Damon held tighter,
And bid me not fear;
'How can you, sir, fright her,
'You see she's my dear,
'My little dear, my pretty dear, my sweetest dearest dear!'
Pitty pat, pitty pat, trudg'd away
We to the man in black and white;
My heart went pitty pat all day,
But still more pitty pat at night —
For Damon to show me
His love was sincere,
Refus'd to let go me,
And call'd me his dear,
His little dear, his pretty dear, his sweetest dearest dear!
