tongue into her crack would certainly lend to our subsequent encounter. At this her language became at once free and impassioned and she besought me to lay my head between her legs and kiss her without delay. Nothing loath, I turned round and kneeling over her with my feet towards the pillows applied my lips with rapture to the dainty feast, taking care at the same time that my probe should occupy a position which left her no choice but to bury it within her rosy mouth.
In deference to my lady readers, of whom I confidently look forward to including a goodly number, I abstain from further details of this particular item in our salacious programme. Suffice it to say that the performance was carried out with a perfect frenzy of desire on both sides, each striving with might and main (and believe me, dear ladies, this is the fundamental secret of all amatory successes) to enhance the pleasures of the other and to render as acute and as protracted as possible the ecstasies of the incoitable crisis.
After this light and spirited overture the more classic but equally enjoyable numbers were 'taken,' as musicians have it, in varying tempo. Constituting myself the conductor, I made the measured beat of my baton the guiding influence of our movements and allegretto succeeded to andante with a rhythm and precision which left nothing to be desired. To quit the language of metaphor and come to plain prose, Delia and I fleshmongered one another in every position known to the most experienced copulators, until at length a not unnatural exhaustion ensued and we fell asleep locked in each other's arms.
When I awoke my fair companion had already risen: the tea was smoking on the table and the savoury muffins, prepared by her delicate hands, seemed to invite me to the welcome repast. Never do I remember having partaken of a more delightful meal. The remaining portion of the evening was passed in charming converse, during which the animated girl suddenly exclaimed, 'You call yourself a musician, but that is not the only science in which you are skilled.'
'Indeed! what mean you?'
'Why, that you are either a physician or a magician- you have so completely driven away my toothache that until this moment I had forgotten all about it; and indeed, the cure has been effected in the most charming manner in the world!'
With these words she threw herself into my arms and hid her blushing face upon my bosom with the result that more than one piece performed at the late concert was unanimously encored!
I remained with my charming Delia till the following day when, after a tender parting coupled with a promise to return in the evening, I hurried home.
I must confess that my dalliance and oft-repeated love exchanges with Delia had somewhat weakened me, and as I reached my room I felt enervated to such a degree that I fell upon my bed through sheer exhaustion.
True to my promise, I called at the appointed hour of the succeeding night at the house of Delia but was met at the door by the old crone, her servant, who informed me that I must go away for the present as Delia's old protector had unexpectedly returned and was at the moment in her chamber. Muttering a low curse at this unlooked-for interruption of my anticipated night of enjoyment, I turned from the house and, it being comparatively early, I bent my steps towards Regent's Park.
I had not proceeded far when I perceived that the gate of a large and elegant garden had been carelessly left open. Without any hesitation I passed in, and after carefully closing the entrance I paused to examine the appearance of the place.
In the centre of the garden, which was tastily laid out, stood a large and splendid mansion-evidently the abode of one of the aristocracy; a few rods from the house was a small, artificial lake of perhaps some two hundred feet in diameter. Around the house rose a row of gigantic oaks, whose broad trunks and interlacing links almost hid the building from sight. An air of quiet-I had almost said of desertion-pervaded the place.
'There does not seem to be any one here,' I muttered, as I passed up one of the graveled walks towards the mansion, 'and as no one will disturb me, I might as well see all that is to be seen.'
I walked on without interruption till I reached the back of the house, when I was startled suddenly by the sound of voices.
Fearful of discovery, I crouched behind the nearest tree and listened.
The rear door of the mansion was thrown half open and I could hear every word distinctly. The voices were evidently those of a man and his wife, and the very first words startled me.
I was, at first, under the impression that I had found my way into the garden of some wealthy and refined nobleman; but the tone and expression of the man's voice convinced me at once that he was some low, vulgar tradesman, whose money alone had placed him in possession of the splendid property upon which I had obtruded.
'I tell you, madam, you are a faithless strumpet, and you must die. I'll drag you to the lake and throw you in. What? I'll be arrested for murder-will I? No such thing, madam. It will be thought that you committed suicide and I will depose to expressions of yours that shall strengthen theidea. Come on-Come on.'
'Mercy!'
'No-no. I am a desperate man and will have no mercy. Horns are on my head, and no wonder they drive me half mad. I saw you wink at Sir Barnaby Grubbs too, and I am quite sure that you trod upon the toe of Lord Lovemall. Oh, I have eyes in my head and something else on the top of it. I'm a desperate man! I'm a desperate man!'
'In mercy, spare me!'
'I will not. It is quite music to me to hear you say that. I only wish all your lovers heard you, madam. If the devil himself were to come and ask me to save you, I would not.'
There was now a scuffling noise and the jealous husband was evidently dragging his wife towards the door. I had made up my mind to interfere with the affair from the very first. It was not exactly the thing for me to stand by and let a jealous husband have his own way.
'I will see the end of this adventure,' said I to myself. 'By the sound of the lady's voice she should be young and fair, and if she be I will take her part from pure love of the young and fair; but if she be not, why, I will yet see justice done to her, for then I should say she is decidedly innocent.'
Suddenly the door was thrown open and two persons came out. The one was a female and she was evidently being pushed forward by the other, who was the husband.
'You dare not-you cannot kill me,' said the lady. 'All this is merely done to terrify me. You could not for your life and soul's sake commit so unmanly an action as to kill me, sir.'
'Dare I not? We shall soon see that. In such cases as mine there can be but one course to pursue, and that must consist of the death of the object; I will kill you, and then I will leave England.'
'Help! Help!'
'Nay, madam, it is of no use your calling help here. You know as well as I do that your cries cannot be heard.'
'But I am innocent-indeed I am!'
'The Major! — the Major!'
'Well, I repulsed him.'
'Wretch! Then you own that he solicited you?'
'I do. But surely this is no fault of mine? If I repulsed him, what more could the most virtuous woman the world ever saw do, I would ask?'
'It is quite sufficient. I am a desperate and dishonoured husband, and as I said before the devil himself should not save you.'
Upon this I thought there was a capital opportunity of saying something; and assuming suddenly a deep, low, and sepulchral voice I stepped forward, saying, 'Who calls on me?'
'Gracious Heaven,' cried the lady, 'what is that?'
'I was called and I have come!' said I, advancing so that in the dim light I was but faintly seen.
The husband staggered back until he reached the wall close to the door, and then in a voice of great trepidation he said, 'Who-who are you?'
'When such deeds as that which you contemplated are being done,' said I, still speaking in a strange and monstrous voice, 'I am always there; but I do not appear-I dare not appear-unless I am called upon. You mentioned my name and I am here. What would you with me?'
'You-you don't mean to say that you are the-the devil himself?'
'Exactly.'
