She did promise herself that if he approached her again for any reason, and seemed at all high or threatening, she would go straight to the police and get a restraining order.
Tracy stepped out of the tub and dried herself, sipping a glass of red wine she had balanced on the edge of the tub. She slipped into her cozy robe, and reflected on something that actually made her smile. She must be growing up.
CHAPTER 8
She wore a little sundress with big yellow sunflowers splashed across a dark blue background. It had taken her three hours and endless trips to the dressing rooms of countless stores in the mall to find just the right thing. Underneath she wore a satin pushup bra and matching pink thong panties, courtesy of Victoria's Secret. Nervously she licked her lips, then mentally cursed herself for messing up her lipstick.
Walking as fast as she could in her pretty new yellow sandals, which exposed small toes painted a virginal pink, she rummaged in her purse for her lipstick, while scanning the walls for a monitor that would tell her at what gate he was expected. It had taken her so long to find a parking place that she had practically run all the way from the lot to the main terminal.
She read the little piece of paper in her hand, though she'd memorized it by now. American flight 202 from JFK, arriving at 2:08. God, don't let it be late. Worse, don't let him have missed it. Don't let him turn out to be some crazy person. She knew that wouldn't happen, after all the months of talking and writing to each other. They weren't online lovers meeting for a one-night stand. They were the best of friends meeting face to face at last.
Paul had been supportive this last month, as she struggled to work out a separation agreement with Kyle, who had gone straight back to his old girlfriend, apparently. It was Jane, a psychiatric nurse where he worked, and someone they had actually had to dinner once. Kyle had pretended to find her boring, but obviously that hadn't been the case.
Jane had actually had the nerve to call Tracy at the bank. 'Kyle needs some documents you must have hidden somewhere. He's really busy right now so I told him I'd call for them.' Tracy was grudgingly impressed at Jane's sheer gall. She would never consider calling the estranged wife of a man with whom she was having an affair. Did Jane know what her 'boyfriend' had done the other night? Did Jane know he was high on something and drunk as a skunk, trying to rape his soon to be ex-wife?
Had he gone home to her for succor and comfort, telling her he had had to drink because he was hurting so badly? Bad, bad Tracy had hurt little Kyle. Tracy actually grinned at the image as Jane was reciting her little speech over the phone.
The documents in question were his will and life insurance policy, which Tracy had 'hidden' in a safe deposit box at the bank, along with her own important papers and some jewelry from her grandmother.
She was taken aback by Jane's call, and realized the woman was probably trying on some level to 'lay claim' to her new man. Tracy certainly wasn't going to stand in the way. She told Jane she would mail the documents to Kyle or his attorney.
'I'll pick them up,' Jane had said.
'No, sorry. I can't release documents like that to a stranger.' Tracy had enjoyed that little dig, and Jane huffed a bit but backed down. She arranged to have them sent by certified mail since, 'It's too painful for Kyle to have to see you right now.'
Tracy bit off her own retort that she'd bet it was. The jerk was probably totally humiliated by his horrible behavior the other night. Either that, or he conveniently didn't remember a thing.
Not referring to the incident, Kyle had recently sent her a long heartfelt letter about her betrayals and said, despite it all, he still loved her. He admonished her that she owed him, owed the relationship, so much more than she had given it. Tracy thought a lot about what he had written. She realized she herself had spent much of their marriage feeling that Kyle 'owed' her something as well. In the end, neither got what they felt was their 'due.'
She had asked Paul, 'How do we get to this point then, where we feel someone owes us something?'
'When we have given more than we should have,' he answered.
'Why should? Tracy asked, confused.
'Because. We didn't give because we wanted to be generous. We gave because we wanted to control.'
Ah. Bingo.
Things had gone pretty smoothly, once attorneys got into the process, and the proceedings became more impersonal. There were a few phone calls at night when an obviously drunk Kyle called to scream at Tracy, calling her horrible names and finally breaking down in tears over the phone. The calls shook Tracy badly. She got Caller ID and took to screening all calls after that.
Tracy blossomed as she explored her relationship with Paul. Free at last of the constraints of deceit and obligation, she began to fully realize the possibilities opening up in her life. She couldn't afford to stay in their house alone, and there was no alimony in Texas – not that she'd have taken it. She could take care of herself.
Kyle said he felt attached to the house, and would buy her half of the appraised value, after they paid all their joint debts. This suited Tracy, even though most of the debt was for things Kyle wanted and she hadn't cared about at all, like the large Jacuzzi bathtub, the ridiculously expensive redwood deck, and his $20,000 stereo system.
She didn't care about the money. She didn't care about her job, either, and began to dream of finding something new. She didn't know exactly what she wanted to do, but she knew she wanted to dosomething. Maybe she would go back to school and finish her degree. Maybe she would leave Houston altogether, go to New York and find Paul.
Paul, who really would have waited those thousand years, who'd secretly been in love with Tracy almost from the first time they'd spoken on the phone, was the one who kept advising, urging her to wait.
'This isn't the time to leap into action, Tracy. I know it feels like it is, but trust me. I've been there. What's important, is a lesson I learned a long time ago. When you aren't sure what to do, the best thing to do is nothing. Wait; take your time. Let things settle themselves. You and I have all the time in the world.'
When Tracy spoke longingly to him of their meeting, of her coming to see him, he said, 'Listen, I have a better idea. Why don't I come to you? You have enough going on right now without hopping a plane to New York. Let me come to see you. We'll make a weekend of it.'
'Oh, I couldn't have you here,' Tracy responded. The thought of her darling Paul lying where Kyle had lain was repellent to her.
'Not there, silly. I'll get a hotel room. What's the big deal? It'll be better anyway, on neutral territory. Just you and me. We'll get to find out at last if what we feel is real. '
And now he was winging his way to her. Maybe that's why she was so damn nervous. What if it wasn't real? What if it was only their shared desire; their urgent need to connect with someone that had led them to cling to each other? She had spent the last nine years fooling herself that Kyle was the perfect man for her. Apparently, her powers of self-deception were rather remarkable, she thought ruefully.
Her sandals rubbed her heels. She knew better than to wear new shoes in airports. She found the monitor and stood blinking up at it, applying her lipstick, feeling the contour of her lips with the tube of pretty pink color that matched her fingernails and toenails.
The plane had already landed, and she wasn't at the gate, like she wanted to be. Shit, shit, shit. She hurried toward gate four, hoping he wasn't standing there, thinking she wasn't going to show.
And then she saw him.
He was smiling at her, grinning as he watched her hurrying toward him in her stupid shoes. He moved toward her like a hip-hung jungle cat, his stride confident and deliberate.
They met midway and Tracy felt suddenly shy. Paul took her in his arms and held her. He was laughing, teasing her. 'I looked up and saw this gorgeous woman running down the hallway. I was like, man, who is that girl, in such a hurry? Who is she so eager to meet?' He released her and she looked up at him, a little embarrassed, but he was smiling so widely, so clearly delighted to see her, that she relaxed and laughed with him.
'Fucking shoes,' she said.
