'No, John; no,' she answered.
'Must it be always no?'
'Always no to that. How can it be otherwise? You would not have me marry you while I love another!'
'But he is gone. He has taken another wife.'
'I cannot change myself because he is changed. If you are kind to me you will let that be enough.'
'But you are so unkind to me!'
'No, no; oh, I would wish to be so kind to you! John, here; take my hand. It is the hand of a friend who loves you, and will always love you. Dear John, I will do anything,—everything for you but that.'
'There is only one thing,' said he, still holding her by the hand, but with his face turned from her.
'Nay; do not say so. Are you worse off than I am? I could not have that one thing, and I was nearer to my heart's longings than you have ever been. I cannot have that one thing; but I know that there are other things, and I will not allow myself to be broken-hearted.'
'You are stronger than I am,' he said.
'Not stronger, but more certain. Make yourself as sure as I am, and you, too, will be strong. Is it not so, mamma?'
'I wish it could be otherwise;—I wish it could be otherwise! If you can give him any hope—'
'Mamma!'
'Tell me that I may come again,—in a year,' he pleaded.
'I cannot tell you so. You may not come again,—not in this way. Do you remember what I told you before, in the garden; that I loved him better than all the world besides? It is still the same. I still love him better than all the world. How, then, can I give you any hope?'
'But it will not be so for ever, Lily.'
'For ever! Why should he not be mine as well as hers when that for ever comes? John, if you understand what it is to love, you will say nothing more of it. I have spoken to you more openly about this than I have ever done to anybody, even to mamma, because I have wished to make you understand my feelings. I should be disgraced in my own eyes if I admitted the love of another man, after—after—. It is to me almost as though I had married him. I am not blaming him, remember. These things are different with a man.'
She had not dropped his hand, and as she made her last speech was sitting in her old chair with her eyes fixed upon the ground. She spoke in a low voice, slowly, almost with difficulty; but still the words came very clearly, with a clear, distinct voice which caused them to be remembered with accuracy, both by Eames and Mrs Dale. To him it seemed to be impossible that he should continue his suit after such a declaration. To Mrs Dale they were terrible words, speaking of a perpetual widowhood, and telling of an amount of suffering greater even than that which she had anticipated. It was true that Lily had never said so much to her as she had now said to John Eames, or had attempted to make so clear an exposition of her own feelings. 'I should be disgraced in my own eyes if I admitted the love of another man!' They were terrible words, but very easy to be understood. Mrs Dale had felt, from the first, that Eames was coming too soon, that the earl and the squire together were making an effort to cure the wound too quickly after its infliction; that time should have been given to her girl to recover. But now the attempt had been made, and words had been forced from Lily's lips, the speaking of which would never be forgotten by herself.
'I knew that it would be so,' said John.
'Ah, yes; you know it, because your heart understands my heart. And you will not be angry with me, and say naughty, cruel words, as you did once before. We will think of each other, John, and pray for each other; and will always love one another. When we do meet let us be glad to see each other. No other friend shall ever be dearer to me than you are. You are so true and honest! When you marry I will tell your wife what an infinite blessing God has given her.'
'You shall never do that.'
'Yes, I will. I understand what you mean; but yet I will.'
'Good-bye, Mrs Dale,' he said.
'Good-bye, John. If it could have been otherwise with her, you should have had all my best wishes in the matter. I would have loved you dearly as my son; and I will love you now.' Then she put up her lips and kissed his face.
'And so will I love you,' said Lily, giving him her hand again. He looked longingly into her face as though he had thought it possible that she also might kiss him: then he pressed her hand to his lips,
