Vishous scrubbed his face. To avoid thinking about what happened next, he thought about how that first time with the soldier had never sat well with him. Three hundred years later it still felt like a violation of the other male, even though that had been the way of it at the camp.
He looked at Jane curled up next to him and decided that, as far as he was concerned, tonight was when he'd finally lost his virginity. Though his body had done the act in many different ways to many different people, sex had always been about an exchange of power-power that flowed in his direction, power that he fed off of to reassure himself that no one was ever going to get him flat on his back and tied down and unable to fight while shit was done to him.
Tonight had not fit his pattern. With Jane there had been an exchange: She had given something to him, and he had turned over a piece of himself in return.
V frowned. A piece, but not everything.
To do that they would need to go to his other place. And… shit, they would go there. Even though he got a case of the cold clammies just thinking about it, he vowed that before she left his life, he'd give her the one thing he had never let anyone have.
And would never give to anyone else.
He wanted to repay the trust she gave to him. She was so strong as a person, as a woman, and yet she put herself in his sexual care-even while knowing that he had hard-core Dom tendencies and she was no match for him physically.
Her trust brought him to his knees. And he needed to return the faith before she left.
Her eyes blinked open and met his, and they both spoke at the same time:
'I don't want you to go.'
'I don't want to leave you.'
Chapter Twenty-six
When John woke up the following afternoon, he was afraid to move. Hell, he was afraid to open his eyes. What if it had been a dream? Bracing himself, he lifted his arm, cracked his lids, and… oh, yeah, there it was. Palm as big as his head. Arm longer than his thigh bone had been before. Wrist thick as his calf once had been.
He made it.
He reached for his cell phone and sent texts to Qhuinn and Blay, who hit him back at a dead run. They were totally pumped for him, and he grinned a big fat-bastard smile… until he realized that he had to use the bathroom, and glanced at the open door. Looking through the jambs, he saw the shower.
He tossed the phone onto the comforter, even though the thing was beeping that there were texts waiting for him. Rubbing his strangely broad chest with his new Shaquille O'Neal hand, he felt like hell. He should apologize to Layla, but for what? Being a lame-ass who went soft? Yeah, that was a conversation he was dying to have, as she was no doubt totally unimpressed with him and his performance.
Was it better to let it go? Probably. She was so beautiful and sensual and perfect in every way, there was no chance she'd ever think it was her fault. All he'd do would be embarrass himself into an aneurism as he wrote what he'd say if he'd had a voice box.
He still felt like hell, though.
His alarm clock went off, and it was just too fricking weird to reach over with this man arm and silence the thing. When he stood up it was even more freaky. His vantage point was totally different, and everything seemed smaller; the furniture, the doors, the room. Even the ceiling was shorter.
Just how big was he?
As he tried to take a few steps, he felt like one of those circus stilt-walkers; gangly, loose, in danger of falling. Yeah… a circus walker who had had a stroke, because the commands his brain gave weren't received properly by his muscles and bones. On his way to the bathroom he lurched all over the place, hanging onto drapes, the molding around windows, a dresser, the doorjamb.
For no particular reason he thought about crossing the river on his walks with Zsadist. As he went along now, the stationary objects he used as crutches were like the stones he jumped one to another to stay out of rushing water, little aids of big importance.
The bathroom was pitch dark, as the shutters were still down for the day and he'd turned all the lights off after Layla left. With his hand on the switch he took a deep breath, then flipped on the recessed lights.
He blinked hard, his eyes supersensitive and way more acute than they'd been before. After a moment, his reflection came into focus like an apparition, emerging from the glare, like a ghost of himself. He was…
He didn't want to know. Not yet.
John shut the lights off and went to the shower. As he waited for the hot water to get running, he settled back against the cold marble, wrapping his arms around himself. He had this absurd need to be held at the moment, so it was a good thing he was alone. Although he'd hoped the change would make him stronger, it appeared to have nancied him out even more.
He thought back to killing those
He pushed open the shower door and stepped inside.