Envy

Chapter 6

It had taken Harper about twenty-four hours to notice that Miranda wasn’t speaking to her-unanswered calls, unreturned messages, a cold shoulder in the hallway and an empty seat in the cafeteria. By Tuesday night it had become pretty clear to Harper that she’d somehow screwed up. She knew it would take less than ten minutes to get Miranda-the ultimate pushover, at least when it came to Harper-to forgive her for it. Too bad she didn’t have the slightest clue what “it” was.

But maybe she could bluff it out.

After countless unreturned messages (“Rand, come on, call me back-I’m sorry, I totally screwed up. Call me!”), the phone finally rang.

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” Miranda asked as soon as Harper picked up the phone.

Harper squirmed. Sometimes she was sorry Miranda knew her so well.

“Of course I do,” she said indignantly. “And I’m sorry-I swear, I’ll never do it again.”

“What?”

“I said, I’ll never do it again, I promise.”

Miranda sucked in a sharp, exasperated breath. “No, I heard you. I mean, what will you never do again?”

Harper paused. “Well, I’ll never do anything like this again, I’ll tell you that much.”

Miranda snorted. “You’re unbelievable-you really have no idea, do you?”

Harper crumbled under the pressure. “Okay, you got me. No, I don’t. But I’m sorry, I swear-just tell me what I’m supposed to be sorry about.”

“Well, if you only had a brain, maybe you could figure it out,” Miranda said cryptically.

“If I only had a-oh God, The Wizard of Oz. Shit, Miranda, I totally forgot!”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I really am sorry.” And she was. Harper wasn’t a slave to tradition the way Miranda was, but she looked forward to their Wizard of Oz trip each year. It was a chance to blow off steam, to pretend they were kids again, to gorge themselves on candy. Plus, she had to admit… she really liked the movie. “I totally suck,” she admitted. “Let’s go tomorrow, okay?”

“Harper, it closed,” Miranda said harshly. “That’s kind of the point, remember? We always go on the last day. We’ve only been doing it for like, five years?”

“Okay, I suck. I completely and totally suck. Is this it? Are you done with me? You are, aren’t you?” Harper affected a voice of exaggerated desperation. When in doubt, make ’em laugh. “You’re getting rid of me and finding a new best friend. Who is it, Katie? Eloise? You know she’s a shrew, so I’d advise against her. Tara? You always liked her better anyway, didn’t you? And why not? I’m a horrible, terrible person…”

“Quit the melodrama, Harper. You’re not funny.”

“Not even a little?”

She was rewarded by a muffled laugh on the other end of the phone-and Harper knew she’d got her.

“Not even a little,” Miranda confirmed, unconvincingly. “In fact, you’re right. You do totally suck. I should just find a new best friend.” But Miranda’s familiar playful sarcasm had replaced her tone of bitter anger.

“Yeah, it would probably be good for you-but when is something good for you ever any fun?” Harper asked.

“Point taken.”

“So we’re okay?” Harper abandoned the comedy for a second. Miranda had to know she was sincere. “I really am sorry.”

“You should be-but yes, we’re okay.”

“I knew it. You can’t live without me!”

“Don’t press your luck,” Miranda cautioned her. “So where were you, anyway?”

There was a pause-since she hadn’t realized that she’d ditched Miranda, Harper hadn’t bothered to come up with a good excuse. But what was she supposed to say, “I was out with our worst enemy, plotting a way to set up the guy you’re crushing on with another girl”? In this case, it didn’t seem likely that honesty would be the best policy.

“I was… at the dentist. It was an emergency.”

“A tooth emergency?” Miranda asked dubiously.

“Yeah, I chipped a molar, and I managed to get the guy to see me right away. Thank God.”

“It hurt a lot, huh?”

“It still does.” Why had she said that? Now she was going to have to fake a toothache for the rest of the week. First rule of successful lying: Keep it simple, and never offer more information than necessary. She’d had a lot of practice.

“Must have been horrible,” Miranda said sympathetically. “We’re talking acute, throbbing, knives-digging-into- you pain?”

“Uh-huh.” It was sort of true, if you counted the pain of having to lie to Miranda 24/7-and having to rely on Kaia, of all people.

“Brutal, agonizing pain?”

“Yeah.”

Miranda laughed. “Good.”

Payback came on Friday night. As the wounded party, Miranda got to pick the activity, and after a few days of careful thought, she’d settled on the perfect punishment. Karaoke. Both girls were equally averse to the torture and public humiliation that Karaoke Night at the Lasso Lounge represented, but Miranda figured it was worth sitting through an hour of off-key crooning to see Harper make a fool of herself in public. She’d been right.

“You aren’t really going to make me do this,” Harper complained, as a hefty man crooned Clay Aiken’s latest “hit” up on the makeshift stage.

“Oh, I so am,” Miranda replied with an evil laugh.

“This is cruel and unusual punishment, you know,” Harper pointed out.

Miranda smiled sweetly. “What are friends for?” She pointed to the short line of would-be American Idols who had assembled by the stage. “Now get over there and show ’em what you’re made of.”

Harper glared at her, gulped down the last of her drink, and stalked off toward the line. “I hate you,” she tossed over her shoulder.

Miranda just raised her drink in a one-sided toast. “Don’t forget to smile!”

Then she leaned back in her chair and waited for the fun to start. This was going to be good.

Too many hours and too many drinks later, Harper and Miranda stumbled out of the bar on a karaoke high. Midway through her Cyndi Lauper spectacular, Harper had abandoned her embarrassment and belted out “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” at the top of her lungs. She’d scored a round of thunderous applause and returned to the table flushed and ready for more. And after another margarita, Miranda had conceded to go with her, kicking off a marathon sing-along that took them back to the endless afternoons they’d spent as kids, choreographing dance moves to the latest on MTV. The humiliation factor was through the roof-but there was no one there to see them, and by that point in the night, they didn’t even care. After a rousing, girl-power version of “I Will Survive,” the karaoke machine had finally shut down, the lights went out, and Harper and Miranda were forced to seek a new adventure.

So phase two of the night was planned during the tail end of phase one, which meant that clear, sober thinking had been left far behind by the time Harper suggested they stop off for supplies.

The result of their giggly stumble through the twenty-four-hour convenience store?

A two-pound bag of Mike and Ikes (on sale for Halloween), a two-gallon bottle of Diet Coke and another of Hawaiian Punch (mixers), a six-pack of Jell-O pudding (because, well, just because-thanks to the two pitchers of margaritas back at the Lasso Lounge, they no longer needed a reason). And the piece de resistance: a box of hair