Gluttony

“So you leave without saying good-bye?” He turned her around to face him. Their noses were almost touching. “How were you going to get back?”

Beth shrugged.

“What’s really going on?”

She looked away. “Nothing.”

He took her chin and tipped her face up so she couldn’t avoid his dark eyes. “Tell me.”

Beth took a deep breath. “When I saw you with her, I just thought-”

With both hands, Reed, smoothed down her hair, then pressed her head against his chest. His T-shirt was so old and worn that the cotton felt like skin. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened. She’d been expecting denials, laughter, maybe even ridicule. Anything but a simple apology. Guys didn’t work that way. “For what?”

“For making you think that anything could ever-”

“She’s just so much more… like you,” Beth said weakly, wondering why she was encouraging the idea. “She-she fits in. And I…”

“You fit,” Reed assured her. “Here.” He laced his arms around her waist and held tight.

“That’s not what I mean,” Beth protested.

“But that’s what matters.” When she didn’t answer him, he ran a hand through his tangles of black curls. “Look. I know I don’t…” He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. When he opened them, she realized she could see her reflection. “All this-” He waved his arm at the club, the people, and, somewhere inside, Star la. “You’re right, it’s me. And you’re different. But that’s why… You make me want to be different, you know? You make me think I can be better, that, like, I should be better. And…” He rubbed his hand against her back in a slow, soft circle. “You get that there’s something else, something beside all this. I don’t have to be anyone for you. All these people? They think they know, but they don’t get it. They don’t get me. You do.”

It was the most he’d ever said to her at once. She tipped her head up to him, but before she could respond, he leaned down and kissed her. She closed her eyes, and the world beyond his lips disappeared.

“This is what I want,” Reed told her. “You. Believe me?”

Beth realized she did. And always had. Reed was so open about everything. He never did anything he didn’t want to do, he never shaded the truth, and he never broke his word.

And that was the problem. Because Beth could never tell the real truth, and everything she said and did, every kiss, every smile was a lie. She didn’t deserve to be with Reed, the one person in the world who had the most reason to hate her, but she was too weak to push him away. At the beginning, Beth had promised herself that she would end this before she got in too deep. But she’d let it go on, and now she couldn’t imagine how she would make it through a day without Reed. He couldn’t ever find out about her ever- present misery; but she couldn’t survive it without him.

She was too much of a coward to let him go. But if he’d done it for her, she realized, that would have been it. An easy way out. If he had pushed her aside for Star la, it would have destroyed her-but at least it would all be over, and she would no longer need to pretend to be happy or ignore the suffocating guilt.

She had wanted her suspicions to come true, wanted him to cheat on her. It would have been hard, but not as hard as telling the truth. This way-the Star la way-she could have just slipped out the back and faded from his life. No messy scenes, no recriminations, no admissions. No pain.

“Beth?” he asked again when she didn’t answer. “Do you believe me?”

She couldn’t trust herself to speak, so she just nodded.

“Come back to the hotel with me,” he suggested. “Let’s forget this whole shitty day ever happened, and start over. Okay?”

I don’t deserve you, she wanted to say. I deserve to stay here, walking the streets, alone and miserable. I deserve to be alone forever.

But she was weak. Too weak to confess her crime, too terrified to face her punishment. So she nodded again, and took his hand.

Kane had orchestrated his share of schemes, but he wasn’t used to sneaking around to carry them out. He’d always preferred the bold lie to the snoop and spy-but in this case, it couldn’t be helped. Miranda wasn’t answering her cell, and if Jackson caught sight of him, the deal could be thrown into jeopardy. So Kane was reduced to stalking from afar.

The things I do for-He caught himself then, not having an easy word to fill in the blank. He could be out drinking, gambling, hooking up, living it up, and instead he was threading his way through a crowded street, always staying at least ten feet behind his prey, ducking behind corners and into alleys when it seemed they might be onto him. It was on the cusp of being humiliating, and Kane still wasn’t quite sure why he was bothering. So he put the question out of his mind and focused on the chase.

They began the date at Sunset Terrace, a nauseatingly romantic bar overlooking the Strip. Miranda and Jackson placed their orders, then took their drinks out onto the wide outdoor deck, walking a little too closely together for Kane’s comfort.

No matter. Kane knew just how to handle this-Jackson had made it easy on him.

He strode up to the bar, keeping a laserlike focus on the couple to make sure they didn’t glance back inside, then beckoned the bartender toward him. “So, when did they pass the law?” he asked. “I would have thrown a party.”

The bartender, a brawny guy in a light blue polo shirt and ill-fitting slacks, slung a towel over his shoulder and scowled at Kane. “What law?”

“The law lowering the drinking age.” Kane gave him a serene, wide-eyed smile.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Now Kane shrugged. The sneaking around part had been ignominious, but this was pure fun. “I just assumed,” he said innocently. “After all, I know that girl over there”-he pointed at Miranda-“and she’s only seventeen. But since you served her, anyway…” Kane had been watching closely enough to know that Miranda hadn’t even had to flash her pathetic fake ID. “It’s weird, though, since I probably would have heard about a new law like that, what with my dad being on the state liquor board and all.”

Bingo.

“Shit.” The bartender’s jaw dropped, and he stepped out from behind the bar.

Kane winked at him. “Don’t tell her I tipped you off, and no one has to know you’re serving anyone old enough to walk.”

“Deal,” the bartender agreed. As he stalked off toward Beth and Jackson, Kane ducked out of the bar and positioned himself behind a large column just outside the entrance. He wished he could have stayed to watch the fall-out, but he had a rich imagination.

His hopes were confirmed a moment later, when the bartender appeared in the doorway, one hand wrapped tightly around Jackson’s arm, the other firmly at Miranda’s shoulder blades. “Nice try, kiddies,” he growled, pushing them both onto the street. “Come back when she’s potty-trained.”

Kane was close enough to hear Miranda apologize-and close enough to see that Jackson wasn’t about to give up that easily.

“No worries,” he assured her, rubbing her shoulder in sympathy.