Lust

looking fondly over at her oldest friend, lying next to her on the cool granite, it was Adam. Too dense to realize he’d done something wrong, so what was even the point in making him feel guilty? Especially when he called out of the blue with a mysterious request to meet him outside, at their place, to talk about some “stuff.” When he needed her, she was there-that’s just how it worked.

“I remember when I used to play GI Joes while you spent most of your time with my Barbie collection,” Harper teased him.

“Hey, Barbie was hot!” Adam protested.

Harper rolled her eyes. “Right, and that’s why you used to beg me to let you dress her up and drive her around in the Barbie Corvette.” She propped herself up slightly to give him a close look at her skeptical expression. “You just keep telling yourself that.”

“I slept with her, Harper.”

She froze, still facing him, and it took every ounce of strength she had to keep her face still. No eyes widening in shock or horror, no mouth turning down in disappointment, no tears or telltale blushing-she just looked at him steadily and concentrated on remembering to breathe.

“Who, Barbie?” she asked, narrowly managing to keep her voice light. She let some of the tension leach out of her muscles and sank back onto the smooth surface of the rock.

“Kaia. I’m serious, Harper. I slept with her.” He made a strange keening noise, half between a groan and a yelp. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Get yourself checked out for STDs?

But Harper bit back the comment and was glad for the darkness-it gave her a place to hide.

So he’d slept with her. At least now she knew.

Though she wished she didn’t.

“So that’s why we’re out here?” Harper asked. Though she’d suspected as much. The rock bridged the boundary line between their two small backyards and had been a favorite spot for years-it was here that he’d told her, just after moving to town, that his parents were divorced, here that she’d confessed her seventh-grade terror of having no friends, here that, at twelve, they’d shared their first kiss. It was where they ran to when they needed to run away, where their most terrible secrets lived. It was their place, the only thing in the world they truly owned-and they owned it together.

But they hadn’t needed their rock in a long time.

“Well, what do you want to do?” she asked simply.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” He rubbed his eyes furiously, like a little boy trying to rub out his tears. “Don’t you want to tell me what a disgusting pig I am, or something?”

“I think I’ll let Beth have that honor, if she ever finds out.” And Harper almost immediately began sifting through her options-maybe she could play this to her advantage after all. If she could find the right angle, if little Bethie heard the news in just the right way e

“Oh God,” Adam gasped, his voice filled with horror. “Do you think she will? What am I saying, of course she will. And then e”

“Adam, chill out,” Harper advised, trying to keep her voice steady. “She probably won’t find out-I’m obviously not going to tell her, Kaia has no reason to tell her-and I assume you’re not going to tell her?”

Though the spineless brat would probably take about five seconds to forgive you,Harper thought with disgust.

“God, no. Unless-should I? Harper, I’m so screwed up. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“So, like I said, what do you want to do?” Harper repeated. “Ball’s in your court, Ad.”

She shivered. It was a cold night, a brisk wind blowing through the yard, and she was dressed in only cords and a lacy tank top. Before she could even say anything-not that she would have said anything, nothing could have forced her to interrupt this train of thought-Adam pulled off his sweatshirt and tossed it to her. Beneath it, she noticed, he was wearing a vintage Transformers T-shirt she’d bought him for his birthday last year.

“What I want?” he mused, as Harper zipped herself into the cozy red fleece. “I want to go back to the beginning of the year and start over, do everything different.”

“Not an option,” she pointed out. “Try again.”

He was silent for a moment, and Harper wondered whether it was time for her to take a harder line. If he didn’t know what he wanted, well, maybe she should just enlighten him.

“Remember when I kissed you out here?” he asked suddenly.

“Barely,” she said casually, hoping he couldn’t hear the heartbeat pounding in her ears. “Our braces got stuck together and you accidentally stuck your tongue up my nose-but other than that, it was a success.”

They laughed quietly together.

“Everything was easier then,” Adam finally said softly, his voice almost carried away on the wind. “I miss it-you and me, just having fun, being together.”

“We hated it,” Harper reminded him. “We were bored out of our minds. We just wanted to grow up.”

Adam sighed. “Yeah, and look where that got us.”

Harper watched his silhouette in the moonlight and then, because it felt right, and because she wasn’t scared anymore, she took his hand. His fingers curled around hers, and she squeezed his hand gently. He gave her a quick squeeze back. They lay together on the rock, side by side, connected. She hadn’t felt so close to him in a long time. This was it. This was her moment.

“Adam, maybe-maybe it’s not supposed to be so hard,” she suggested hesitantly. “Maybe being with Beth should be easy. Maybe if it’s not-well, maybe you don’t really want to be with her. Maybe you want-”

He pulled his hand away from hers and sat up.

“That’s not what I was saying at all, Harper,” he said hotly. But the sudden anger, the quick retort-maybe, Harper realized, he knew she was right. “I love her,” he insisted. “It’s not supposed to be easy.”

“I know… but this?” she pushed. “Fighting all the time? Sleeping with someone else? You have to admit-it doesn’t really sound like a good, healthy relationship.”

“So we’re going through a bad time,” he protested-and from the look on his face, she wondered if she’d gone a step too far. “You don’t just walk away when things are tough.”

“Adam, I just-”

“Or maybe that’s what you do,” he said scornfully, leaping off the rock. “And maybe that’s why you’re always alone.You’re so used to being alone, I don’t even think you realize it-but maybe if you did, you wouldn’t even care.” He turned his back on her and walked inside.

Harper lay on the rock, perfectly still, watching the stars and listening to the silence of the night. She pulled Adam’s sweatshirt tightly around her and breathed in the smell of him, still lingering on the soft fleece.

She did know, better than anyone. And she cared.

There are times when a girl just needs to be alone.

This was not one of them.

Harper hit the speed dial and waited impatiently for Miranda to pick up the phone. Finally, on the fourth ring, just when she’d almost given up hope, salvation arrived.

“911, Miranda,” she said, by way of greeting. “This is an emergency situation. We’re going out.”

“Harper, I’ve got a test tomorrow, I’ve got to study, I-”

Harper wasn’t listening. She was too busy digging through her closet, searching. She needed the perfect outfit for a feel-good, look-better night on the town. And there it was. Spangled tube top-green, to match her eyes; skintight miniskirt-black, to match her mood. The strappy silver stiletto heels she never got the chance to wear. And a black beaded choker, to dress her naked neck. She pulled her hair back into a loose, low chignon, making sure that a few curly tendrils hung down over her eyes. It was a definite look. A little sweet, a little sassy; slightly slutty, but not too skanky. Basically-hot. Maybe a little out of place in the low-rent nightlife options Grace provided her, but if she got whistled at by some drunken trucker or hit on by a Hell’s Angel, well, so much the better. It would be a reminder that plenty of people out there wanted her-more than half the high school, for one (99 percent of the male