the Grace local library-hoping that even though it was written in 1987, it would still help her get over her writer’s block. But so far? Nothing.
She wondered if Harper was even bothering to fill out her applications (the way things were going, maybe she’d just steal Beth’s). How might her essay read? “I’m Harper Grace, and I’ll be attending your school next year, because I want to-and, let’s be honest, I always get what I want.”
But Beth was too sickened by the thought of Harper to continue down that road-because that led to Harper- and-Adam, and that usually led to her leaning over the toilet, waiting for a wave of nausea to pass.
But how was she supposed to do that in an essay when she couldn’t do it in real life? She didn’t seem to know how to be honest about what she wanted anymore-not with Kane, not with Adam, not with herself. And she had no idea who she was anymore. Before, it had been easy. Beth, the good girl. Everyone knew it. But now? She smiled, thinking of how much she’d enjoyed tormenting Harper at the diner, how she’d managed to convince Mr. White to saddle her with the dreaded Christmas shift. Was that the work of a good girl?
Maybe honesty was the answer after all.
I used to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend. Then my boyfriend dumped me, I tanked the SATs-and now I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing. I do know that I still want a future, and I want it away from here-and that if you take a chance on me, it just might pay off.
Well… it was a start.
Just not a good one.
Mercifully, the phone rang, and although Beth had promised herself no breaks until she’d finished a draft, she leaped to answer it.
“Hey, it’s me-what are you doing?”
Beth wondered-was it strange that she’d been dating Kane for over a month and a part of her still found it a little bizarre that he was a part of her life, that they spoke so often that she was expected to recognize his voice? She did, of course-but something about the casual intimacy still threw her off. She just wished she knew why. “Working.” She sighed. “Sort of.”
“It’s Christmas,” he pointed out.
“Don’t remind me. My brothers are on a massive sugar high from all the candy canes. From the sound of it, they’re having some kind of shouting contest.”
“I know, I can hear it.”
“What? Where-” Beth went over to her window and looked out. Sure enough, Kane was lounging against a tree. He smirked at the sight of her and gave her a languid wave. “What are you doing out there?” she asked, laughing. “Do you want to come in?”
“Actually…” And in that pause, Beth was reminded of how much Kane hated her house. He’d never said anything, of course, but whenever he stepped inside, she could tell it got to him-the noise, the clutter, the size (or lack thereof). It didn’t usually bother her, but when Kane was there, it felt like a zoo-she was just glad he didn’t think of her as one of the animals.
“I was hoping you could come out and play,” he said, affecting an innocent little-boy voice.
Beth giggled.
“I’ve got all this stuff to do, my essay-”
“Just for a little break? I’m booooored,” he whined.
“Well… I do have to give you your Christmas present,” she mused. “And maybe if it were just a quick break.”
“You can’t resist me,” Kane boasted and, giving her another wave, snapped his phone shut. Beth shook her head. For whatever reason, it was true.
Victory. He’d gotten her away from her work and out of the house-but was it normal that those be such major triumphs? Never having had a real girlfriend before, Kane didn’t really have any idea how often you were supposed to see her or what you were supposed to do when you did-and with Adam still pouting, he didn’t have anyone to ask.
While he hadn’t gotten everything-or really, anything-he’d wanted out of Beth up in the mountains, Kane was no quitter, not when it came to beautiful women. And then there was the disconcerting fact that he was actually enjoying her company-fully clothed, out of bed, inches of space between them, and he still wanted her around. It didn’t make any sense.
Not that there weren’t a few occasional perks.
“Mmm,” he breathed when they broke from a long kiss hello. “You smell amazing. What is that?”
“Um.” She blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears-a nervous habit that, Kane was ashamed to admit, he was beginning to find adorable. “Shampoo?”
“So what’s this I hear about a present?” he asked, taking her hand and leading her down the sidewalk.
She gave him a playful shove. “You’re such a little kid sometimes-can’t you wait?”
“I’m nothing if not patient,” he pointed out, only half joking. After all, she had no idea how long he’d waited around for her. Was still waiting.
“It’s just something little,” she said hesitantly, pulling a small wrapped box from her coat pocket. “I hope you like it.”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, babe,” he said, slinging an arm around her. “I’ll love it.”
He unwrapped the gift. Inside the box lay a CD case, with a picture of the two of them together taped to the cover.
Total cheese.
“I… I put together some songs I thought you’d like,” she explained. “You know, music that made me think of you.”
“Oh, Beth.” He slipped the CD into his pocket and gave her a kiss. It was so hokey, so painfully sincere, so… Beth. “I love it.” And it wasn’t a
“Your present isn’t quite ready yet,” Kane explained, though the truth was, he’d forgotten. It had been a long time since he’d needed to buy someone a Christmas present.
“Kane, you don’t need to get me anything else,” she complained, fondling the blue cashmere tucked around her neck. “This scarf is so beautiful, and so expensive-”
He cut her off with a kiss. “Your gift is coming,” he said firmly, “and you’ll love it.” Whatever it turned out to be. “So, what are you up to for the rest of the day?”
“Kane, it’s Christmas. I’ve got all this family stuff.”
“Of course you do,” he said heartily. “I knew that.” Though, actually, the idea hadn’t occurred to him. Family. Another stupid tradition he’d forgotten. Along with Christmas lights and presents.
“What about you? Are you and your father…? Or do you want to come home with me?”
“No,” he said hastily. “I’ve got family stuff of my own.” If “family stuff” meant beer and cold pizza alone, wondering if his father would remember it was Christmas and actually come home that night.
For a second, Kane was tempted. He hadn’t had a real Christmas, a family Christmas, since his mother died. After that, it had been just him and his brother, getting drunk, laughing at the loser carolers, and then, when Aaron went off to college, it was just him. Beth’s Christmas, on the other hand, was probably straight out of a Hallmark commercial: stockings hanging from the mantel, wrapping paper all over the floor, disgusting displays of Christmas spirit. And for a second, Kane was tempted. Why not let Beth play Tiny Tim to his Scrooge, teach him the true meaning of blah, blah, blah.
The fact that he was getting bored just imagining it? Probably not a great sign.
Maybe he was too old for Christmas. Maybe he was just over it.
“Are you sure?” Beth asked dubiously. “Because we’d love to have you. I’d love for you to be there.”
Kane sighed. Whenever he was around her, he felt like letting down his guard. It was dangerous-and yet strangely appealing. Like a drug he couldn’t stay away from.
“I’m sure,” he told her, cupping her chin in his hands and tipping her face up toward his for a farewell kiss.
