Wrath

enough glances to spot Harper downing the cup.

Beth checked her watch. It should take no more than twenty minutes. She couldn’t believe she’d actually done it. She didn’t know how she was going to wait.

At least this time she wouldn’t have any trouble choking out her introduction. The more lovely things she had to say, the higher the audience’s expectations rose, the harder Harper would fall.

Beth checked her watch again. Only a minute had passed. This was maddening. But there was nothing left for her to do now, nothing left to worry about.

All she had to do was wait it out-and then sit back and watch the show.

Play it cool, she’d told herself all night.

Play it cool, she’d insisted this morning as she wolfed down a bowl of cereal, eager to get to school to see him.

It was time to face facts: Miranda wasn’t cool.

For years now, she’d borrowed cool from Harper, but that was over now. There was no one to tell her to keep her mouth shut and go with the flow. And there was no one to calm her down when Kane gave her a casual smile and quick wave as they passed in the hall-then kept going.

Was that it?

Was the whole casino trip a one-time deal? Or was he just keeping it casual, waiting to see what she wanted? Or-

Miranda couldn’t sift through the possibilities like a rational human being. They buzzed around her, worst-case scenario piling on top of dreamscape, misery and ecstasy mixing together, and all the while, she was only half present to begin with, thanks to the chunk of her mind still dedicated to preserving the memory of his touch.

She hovered in the entryway of the auditorium, watching the students file in. No Kane.

No surprise-this wasn’t his thing. When Miranda was certain he wasn’t there, she waited until the faculty had turned away to view the main event, then slipped out herself. She knew she’d find him in the parking lot, half hidden behind a utility wall, enjoying a cigarette.

She wasn’t usually the kind of girl who could confront a boy-not someone like Kane, at least, who’d cowed her into silence for years. But the not knowing was even more overwhelming than her fear. So she spurred herself into action, and found him just where she’d expected.

One problem: She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t planned that out, and could only hope that once she started, he would finish.

This is a bad idea, she warned herself, knowing that Kane wasn’t the type to react well to being pressured; he was the type to do things without thinking and then hope never to speak of them again. A very bad idea. Still, she couldn’t help but be a little impressed with herself. Who knew Miranda Stevens could ever be this brave?

“Hey.”

He looked up and smiled as if he’d been expecting her. “Want a smoke?”

She waved away the pack. The way she was feeling now, the nicotine buzz would put her over the edge.

“So… get any flak when you got home last night? You know, for disappearing and-” She broke off at his laughter. Stupid, she berated herself. Of course Kane wouldn’t get in trouble. He probably did this kind of thing all the time. Nice job letting him know you’re a loser with overprotective parents. Still, she’d raised the subject. It was a start.

“So,” she continued, in a small voice-her stomach was clenched, and it felt like there was no air left in her lungs. “About last night…”

“Yeah, it was great, wasn’t it?”

Miranda beamed, and some of the tension leached out of her.

“You know, if you were any other girl, I’d be so screwed right now,” he continued.

“Why?”

“Oh, you know how it is-have a little fun and the girl gets all lame and clingy. Wants to know what it all means, where it’s all going, crap like that.” He took a long drag on the cigarette. “You know, girl stuff.”

“Yeah,” Miranda echoed weakly. “Girl stuff.”

“But not you.”

No, not good ol’ reliable Miranda. No girl stuff here.

“You know me, and you’re cool with it. And just because we had a great time yesterday, you’re not, you know, freaking out and wondering where we’ll go on our honeymoon.”

The Italian Riviera. Or maybe Tuscany.

“It’s what I’ve always liked about you, Stevens.” He punched her lightly on the arm. Like she was one of his teammates. “You’re not like other girls.”

Uh, thanks?

Miranda clamped her teeth together, afraid otherwise they would clatter, and her lip would start to wobble uncontrollably as always happened when she was about to cry. She had to get away before it happened.

“Whatever, Kane.” She forced herself to laugh. “As if I’d go all gooey eyed over you. Please. Could your ego get any bigger?”

“Well, I am working out.” He offered her the pack of cigarettes again. “Come on,join me. Its rude to let someone smoke alone.”

“Much as I’d like to join you on the road to lung cancer, I think I’ll pass,” Miranda said, trying not to meet his eyes. “I just came out here for a little fresh air. So that would kind of defeat the point.” She checked her watch. “Anyway, I should probably get back inside. If someone notices I’m gone…”

“Who’s going to-”

“Later, Kane.” She had to leave now, fast, before he talked her into staying-and she so wanted to stay. Every moment she was around him was a moment of possibility. That something would happen. But it would kill her if something didn’t.

And it wasn’t going to.

“Suit yourself, Stevens.” Kane tilted his hand back and puffed out a perfect smoke ring. “I’ll miss you.”

It’s just a line, Miranda told herself as she slammed back into school and trudged down the empty hallway. He doesn’t want you.

And all her fantasies, all the lies she’d told herself, came crashing down, because that was the truth.

Play it cool.

Play it cool.

But the halls were empty. There was no one left to appreciate the act. So Miranda dropped it. And, letting out a ragged breath, she finally allowed herself to burst into tears.

He doesn’t want me, she moaned to herself, chest heaving. She ducked into an empty classroom and closed the door, slumping down to the floor behind it and curling up into a tight ball, rocking back and forth.

She’d always thought that if she could just get him to notice her, just for once get him to see her as an object of desire, that he wouldn’t be able to resist.

Well, he’d seen her. He’d gotten the best of her, in every way. He’d hung out with her, he’d flirted with her, he’d kissed her, and after all that?

He’d passed.

It’s not that she was invisible.

It’s that she was unworthy. Unappealing.

And now she couldn’t even retreat into her fantasies, because everything had happened exactly as she’d hoped and it still hadn’t been enough.

There was nothing left to hope for.

It was over-and she was done.

Chapter 14