The Crucible of the Dragon God

'Thanks. Ahhh. Ooohh. Aldrededor, what do you mean, 'we'?' She repeated before becoming distracted as what appeared to be a thick cloud of brown fog roiled from The Mole's cabin.

A second later, it happened again, and Kali moved to the door, coughing as she was engulfed in a cloud of cloying reekingness.

Oh no, she thought, and stepped back as something tall and thin articulated itself, in the manner of a brackan, from the inside of the cabin and stood, cheroot in mouth, arms folded.

'Dolorosa?'

'Of coursa Dolorosa! Who you expecta, thatta red-headed tart, the Annoying Lord?'

'Anointed,' Kali corrected, absently. 'Dolorosa, what in the hells are you doing here?'

'Our land is plagued by man-eating theengs and you think I woulda let my 'usband make thisa journey alone?'

Kali stared at the aforementioned and Aldrededor shrugged, picking at a tooth.

'Who's looking after my pitsing pub?'

'Do notta worry. Horse issa behind the bar.'

'Horse!?'

'Hah! I havva her! Eet ees a leetle joke. No, thatta reprobate Deadnettle, he looka after the place. Notta that there are any customers. Nothing, and I mean nothing, comes near while the fat women dance.'

'The Bellies are still dancing?'

'They havva leetle choice.'

'True,' Kali reflected. She paused for a second, looked at the two of them, and shook her head fondly. 'Look, I appreciate you bringing The Mole, but I have to go now.'

'Offa to save the world.'

'Again,' Kali sighed.

She patted them both on the shoulder and moved to the dwarven machine. She settled into the pilot's position but found her legs bent up against the control panel, as they had been when she had first found The Mole. Again, she tried to push the seat back but this time it would not go, blocked by some object. Kali leant around and found that Dolorosa was not the only unexpected extra to arrive with the dwarven machine. Something was jammed behind the seat. A small, wicker basket. Kali flipped the lid and stared inside. There were a number of bottles of flummox and two small mountains of slices of bread, layered in pairs, with filling between them. Kali prodded the uppermost layer of bread tentatively then pulled back with a grimace as a thick, brown substance slowly oozed from beneath it.

'What,' Kali asked cautiously, 'is this?'

Dolorosa looked surprised. 'It issa beer anda butties for our trippa into the mountains.'

The beer Kali didn't have a problem with, but it was these 'butty' things, and what was still oozing insidiously from inside them, that had disturbed her. She picked one of the creations up and it flopped under its own weight, plopping a lump of brown stuff onto her lap.

'Surprise stew butties?'

'Ovva course!' Dolorosa looked affronted. 'Wassa the matter, eh? You havva gone offa my signatura dish while you havva been away?'

'No, no,' Kali said quickly, having no wish to incur the old woman's wrath, especially by mentioning you couldn't have a signature dish if it was the only dish you ever made. The fact was, while she had nothing against surprise stew as such, she'd rather have eaten her own knees than the mess that was being presented to her now. That wasn't really the point though, was it? 'Dolorosa. This isn't a picnic.'

The woman stared at her, squinting her eyes, then turned to her husband and threw her hands in the air. 'Pah! Now she thinks I amma some kind offa buffoon! A madda olda lady whose marbles havva rolled away, eh?'

Aldrededor curled his moustache and smiled, saying nothing, and Dolorosa span back to face Kali.

'Ovva course I know this issa no piccaneek! Eet ees going to be very dangerous. Alla the more reason to keepa uppa our strength, yes?'

Dolorosa seemed to entering full flow, so it was going to be useless to argue. 'Well, yes, I suppose so, but — ' Kali began and then faltered. Dolorosa had just said what she'd thought she'd said, hadn't she? Our strength. Yep, she'd definitely said our, as in 'we.'

'Ohhoohhhooooo no. If you think you're coming with me, you've got another think coming. This isn't a day trip into the country, old woman, it's the Drakengrat Mountains we're talking about.'

'I thought itta wassa the Lost Canalsa of Turnitia first?'

'Those, too! And you can guarantee that they became lost for a reason. There's always a reason with these places. Deathtraps, monsters, insatiable, grasping hairy things that lurk in the dark…'

'I havva shared my bedaroom with Aldrededor for forty-five years, this issa nurthing.'

Aldrededor blew her a kiss.

'What?' Kali said, looking at him. 'Oh no, uugh, I don't want to know. The point is, it's what I do — and I do it alone. You could die down there.'

'Anda we coulda die uppa here. Or havva you forgotten the k'nid?' She leaned in towards Kali and added: 'Havva you forgotten that when you take thissa machine, we woulda havva to walk home to the Flagons? Howwa long do you thinka we'd survive outta there, hah?'

'What?'

Dammit!

In all the chaos of the past few days she had forgotten that. Her own trip here from Andon had been perilous to say the least, and she couldn't reasonably expect Dolorosa and Aldrededor to make a journey ten times that length. And neither could she leave them here, where Vossian patrols might find and detain them, or worse. Maybe they could camp just inside the entrance to the Lost Canals, she pondered briefly. But then remembered the deep roar she thought she had heard when she had first breached its gates. It might have been nothing — an acoustic trick of the waiting labyrinth — but then again…

Dammit!

'All right, all right! But the two of you do everything I say, understand? You keep quiet when I tell you and you keep your heads down when I tell you and — '

Aldrededor interrupted her. 'Young lady. My wife and I have survived the Mirror Maelstrom of Meenos and the Seven Sirens of the Sarcrean Sea, we have stood fast in the path of ripper gales and laughed in the face of the Chadassa themselves — '

'Like a this — hahahahaaaar!' Dolorosa interjected.

'— we have sailed the acid surf, we have swum the shadowed waters, and we have rode the boiling waves of the north.'

'Enough!' Kali said. She had to admit she sometimes forgot that these two had… history and, being reminded of it by them, she felt vaguely chastised. She couldn't help but worry nonetheless. Neither of them were any longer in their prime and, when it came down to it, they were family. She made no apologies for trying to keep them safe.

But what choice did she have?

'Aldrededor… Dolorosa?'

'Yes, Kali Hooper?'

'What say we get this show on the road?'

The pair released a satisfied sigh. 'Yes, Kali Hooper.'

Kali gunned the engines of The Mole as Dolorosa and Aldrededor clambered into the seats behind her, checking they were settled before she flicked the lever that closed the hatch. The loud and sibilant hiss as it sealed made what they were about to do seem all the more immediate. But Kali wasn't sure what was worse — the