Ant. Well then, do they requite your gifts of gold with gratitude?
Call. No, not so much as a bare 'Thank you.' In fact, some of them are even worse disposed towards me when they have got my money than before.
Now, here's a marvel! (exclaimed Antisthenes, and as he spoke he eyed the witness with an air of triumph). You can render people just to all the world, but towards yourself you cannot?
Pray, where's the wonder? (asked the other). Do you not see what scores of carpenters and house-builders there are who spend their time in building houses for half the world; but for themselves they simply cannot do it, and are forced to live in lodgings. And so admit that home-thrust, Master Sophist;[3] and confess yourself confuted.
[3] 'Professor of wisdom.'
Upon my soul, he had best accept his fate[4] (said Socrates). Why, after all, you are only like those prophets who proverbially foretell the future for mankind, but cannot foresee what is coming upon themselves.
[4] Or, 'the coup de grace.'
And so the first discussion ended.[5]
[5] Or, 'so ended fytte the first of the word-controversy.'
Thereupon Niceratus: Lend me your ears, and I will tell you in what respects you shall be better for consorting with myself. I presume, without my telling you, you know that Homer, being the wisest of mankind, has touched upon nearly every human topic in his poems.[6] Whosoever among you, therefore, would fain be skilled in economy, or oratory, or strategy; whose ambition it is to be like Achilles, or Ajax, Nestor, or Odysseus--one and all pay court to me, for I have all this knowledge at my fingers' ends.
[6] Or, 'his creations are all but coextensive with every mortal thing.'
Pray (interposed Antisthenes),[7] do you also know the way to be a king?[8] since Homer praises Agamemnon, you are well aware, as being
A goodly king and eke a spearman bold.[9]
[7] Some modern critics (e.g. F. Dummler, 'Antisthenica,' p. 29 foll.) maintain plausibly that the author is here glancing (as also Plato in the 'Ion') at Antisthenes' own treatises against the Rhapsodists and on a more correct interpretation of Homer, {peri exegeton} and {peri 'Omerou}.
[8] Or, 'Have you the knowledge also how to play the king?'
[9] 'Il.' iii. 179. See 'Mem.' III. ii. 2.
Nic. Full well I know it, and full well I know the duty of a skilful charioteer; how he who holds the ribbons must turn his chariot nigh the pillar's edge[10]
Himself inclined upon the polished chariot-board A little to the left of the twin pair: the right hand horse Touch with the prick, and shout a cheery shout, and give him rein.[11]
I know another thing besides, and you may put it to the test this instant, if you like. Homer somewhere has said:[12]
And at his side an onion, which to drink gives relish.
So if some one will but bring an onion, you shall reap the benefit of my sage lore[13] in less than no time, and your wine will taste the sweeter.
[10] 'Il.' xxiii. 335; Plat. 'Ion,' 537.
[11] Lit. 'yield him the reins with his hands.'
[12] 'Il.' xi.630: 'And set out a leek savourer of drink' (Purves). Plat. 'Ion,' 538 C.
[13] 'My culinary skill.'
Here Charmides exclaimed: Good sirs, let me explain. Niceratus is anxious to go home, redolent of onions, so that his fair lady may persuade herself, it never entered into anybody's head to kiss her lord.[14]
[14] See Shakesp. 'Much Ado,' v. 2. 51 foll.; 'Mids. N. D.' iv. 2.
Bless me, that isn't all (continued Socrates); if we do not take care, we shall win ourselves a comic reputation.[15] A relish must it be, in very truth, that can sweeten cup as well as platter, this same onion; and if we are to take to munching onions for desert, see if somebody does not say of us, 'They went to dine with Callias, and got more than their deserts, the epicures.'[16]
[15] Lit. 'I warrent you! (quoth Socrates) and there's another funny notion we have every chance of getting fathered on us.'
[16] Or, 'and had a most hilarious and herbaceous time.'
No fear of that (rejoined Niceratus). Always take a bite of onion before speeding forth to battle, just as your patrons of the cock-pit give their birds a feed of garlic[17] before they put them for the fight. But for ourselves our thoughts are less intent perhaps on dealing blows than blowing kisses.[18]
[17] Cf. Aristoph. 'Knights,' 494:
Chorus. And here's the garlic. Swallow it down! Sausage Seller. . . . What for? Chorus. It will prime you up and make you fight the better.
H. Frere.
[18] 'We are concerned less with the lists of battle than of love'; 'we meditate no furious close of battle but of lips.' Lit. 'how we shall kiss some one rather than do battle with.'
After such sort the theme of their discourse reached its conclusion.
Then Critobulus spoke: It is now my turn, I think, to state to you the grounds on which I pride myself on beauty.[19]
[19] See 'Hellenica Essays,' p. 353.
A chorus of voices rejoined: Say on.
Crit. To begin with, if I am not beautiful, as methinks I be, you will bring on your own heads the penalty of perjury; for, without waiting to have the oath administered, you are always taking the gods to witness that you find me beautiful. And I must needs believe you, for are you not all honourable men?[20] If I then be so beautiful and affect you, even as I also am affected by him whose fair face here attracts me,[21] I swear by all the company of heaven I would not choose the great king's empire in exchange for what I am--the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals.[22] And at this instant I feast my eyes on Cleinias[23] gladlier than on all other sights which men deem fair. Joyfully will I welcome blindness to all else, if but these eyes may still behold him and him only. With sleep and night I am sore vexed, which rob me of his sight; but to daylight and the sun I owe eternal thanks, for they restore him to me, my heart's joy, Cleinias.[24]
[20] Or, 'beautiful and good.'
[21] Or, 'whose fair face draws me.' Was Cleinias there as a 'muta persona'? Hardly, in spite of {nun}. It is the image of him which is present to the mind's eye.
[22] Lit. 'being beautiful'; but there is a touch of bombast infused into the speech by the artist. Cf. the speech of Callias ('Hell.' VI. iii. 3) and, for the humour, 'Cyrop.' passim.
[23] See Cobet, 'Pros. Xen.' p. 59. Cf. 'Mem.' I. iii. 8.
[24] Or, 'for that they reveal his splendour to me.'
Yes, and herein also have we, the beautiful,[25] just claim to boast. The strong man may by dint of toil obtain good things; the brave, by danger boldly faced, and the wise by eloquence of speech; but to the beautiful alone it is given to achieve all ends in absolute quiescence. To take myself as an example. I know that riches are a sweet possession, yet sweeter far to me to give all that I have to Cleinias than to receive a fortune from another. Gladly would I become a slave--ay, forfeit freedom--if Cleinias would deign to be my lord. Toil in his service were easier for me than rest from labour: danger incurred in his behalf far sweeter than security of days. So that if you, Callias, may boast of making men more just and upright, to me belongs by juster right than yours to train mankind to every excellence. We are the true inspirers[26] who infuse some subtle fire into amorous souls, we beauties, and thereby raise them to new heights of being; we render them more liberal in the pursuit of wealth; we give them a zest for toil that mocks at danger, and enables them where honour the fair vision leads, to follow.[27] We fill their souls with deeper modesty, a self-constraint more staunch; about the things they care for most, there floats a halo of protecting awe.[28] Fools and unwise are they who choose not beauteous men to be their generals. How merrily would I, at any rate, march through fire by the side of Cleinias;[29] and so would all of you, I know full well, in company of him who now addresses you.
[25] 'We beauties.'
[26] The {eispnelas} in relation to the {aitas}, the Inspirer to the Hearer. Cf. Theocr. xii. 13; Ael. 'V. H.' iii. 12. See Muller, 'Dorians,' ii. 300 foll.
