Hopes and Fears

perceive that where Ratia was intimate and at ease, she continued on terms of form and ceremony, and her husband felt more keenly that the society in his house was not what it had been in his mother's time. They both became restless, and Lolly, who had already lived much abroad, dreaded the dulness of an English winter in the country; while Charles knew that he had already spent more than he liked to recollect, and that the only means of keeping her contented at Castle Blanch, would be to continue most ruinous expenses.

With all these secret motives, the tour was projected as a scheme of amusement, and the details were discussed between Charles and Rashe with great animation, making the soberness of Hiltonbury appear both tedious and sombre, though all the time Lucy felt that there she should again meet that which her heart both feared and yearned for, and without which these pleasures would be but shadows of enjoyment. Yet that they were not including her in their party, gave her a sense of angry neglect and impatience. She wanted to reject their invitation indignantly, and make a merit of the sacrifice.

The after-dinner discussion was in full progress when she was called out to speak to Mr. Prendergast. Heated, wearied, and choking with dust, he would not come beyond the hall, but before going home he had walked all this distance to tell her the result of his expedition. Derval had not been uncivil, but evidently thought the suspicion an affront to his corps, which at present was dispersed by the end of the season. The Italian bass was a married man, and had returned to his own country. The clue had failed. The poor leaf must be left to drift upon unknown winds.

'But,' said the curate, by way of compensation, 'at Masters's I found Miss Charlecote herself, and gave your message.'

'I gave no message.'

'No, no, because you would not send me up into the City; but I told her all you would have had me say, and how nearly you had come up with me, only I would not let you, for fear she should have left town.'

Cilla's face did not conceal her annoyance, but not understanding her in the least, he continued, 'I'm sure no one could speak more kindly or considerately than she did. Her eyes filled with tears, and she must be heartily fond of you at the bottom, though maybe rather injudicious and strict; but after what I told her, you need have no fears.'

'Did you ever know me have any?'

'Ah well! you don't like the word; but at any rate she thinks you behaved with great spirit and discretion under the circumstances, and quite overlooks any little imprudence. She hopes to see you the day after to-morrow, and will write and tell you so.'

Perhaps no intentional slander ever gave the object greater annoyance than Cilly experienced on learning that the good curate had, in the innocence of his heart, represented her as in a state of proper feeling, and interceded for her; and it was all the worse because it was impossible to her to damp his kind satisfaction, otherwise than by a brief 'Thank you,' the tone of which he did not comprehend.

'Was she alone?' she asked.

'Didn't I tell you the young lady was with her, and the brother?'

'Robert Fulmort!' and Cilla's heart sank at finding that it could not have been he who had been with Owen.

'Ay, the young fellow that slept at my house. He has taken a curacy at St. Wulstan's.'

'Did he tell you so?' with an ill-concealed start of consternation.

'Not he; lads have strange manners. I should have thought after the terms we were upon here, he need not have been quite so much absorbed in his book as never to speak!'

'He has plenty in him instead of manners,' said Lucilla; 'but I'll take him in hand for it.'

Though Lucilla's instinct of defence had spoken up for Robert, she felt hurt at his treatment of her old friend, and could only excuse it by a strong fit of conscious moodiness. His taking the curacy was only explicable, she thought, as a mode of showing his displeasure with herself, since he could not ask her to marry into Whittingtonia; but 'That must be all nonsense,' thought she; 'I will soon have him down off his high horse, and Mr. Parsons will never keep him to his engagement-silly fellow to have made it-or if he does, I shall only have the longer to plague him. It will do him good. Let me see! he will come down to-morrow with Honora's note. I'll put on my lilac muslin with the innocent little frill, and do my hair under his favourite net, and look like such a horrid little meek ringdove that he will be perfectly disgusted with himself for having ever taken me for a fishing eagle. He will be abject, and I'll be generous, and not give another peck till it has grown intolerably stupid to go on being good, or till he presumes.'

For the first time for many days, Lucilla awoke with the impression that something pleasant was about to befall her, and her wild heart was in a state of glad flutter as she donned the quiet dress, and found that the subdued colouring and graver style rendered her more softly lovely than she had ever seen herself.

The letters were on the breakfast-table when she came down, the earliest as usual, and one was from Honor Charlecote, the first sight striking her with vexation, as discomfiting her hopes that it would come by a welcome bearer. Yet that might be no reason why he should not yet run down.

She tore it open.

'MY DEAREST LUCY,-Until I met Mr. Prendergast yesterday, I was not

sure that you had actually returned, or I would not have delayed an

hour in assuring you, if you could doubt it, that my pardon is ever

ready for you.'

('Many thanks,' was the muttered comment. 'Oh that poor, dear,

stupid man! would that I had stopped his mouth!')

'I never doubted that your refinement and sense of propriety would be

revolted at the consequences of what I always saw to be mere

thoughtlessness-'

('Dearly beloved of an old maid is, I told you so!')

'-but I am delighted to hear that my dear child showed so much true

delicacy and dignity in her trying predicament-'

('Delighted to find her dear child not absolutely lost to decorum!

Thanks again.')

'-and I console myself for the pain it has given by the trust that

experience has proved a better teacher than precept.'

('Where did she find that grand sentence?')

'So that good may result from past evil and present suffering, and

that you may have learnt to distrust those who would lead you to

disregard the dictates of your own better sense.'

('Meaning her own self!')

'I have said all this by letter that we may cast aside all that is

painful when we meet, and only to feel that I am welcoming my child,

doubly dear, because she comes owning her error.'

('I dare say! We like to be magnanimous, don't we? Oh, Mr.

Prendergast, I could beat you!')

'Our first kiss shall seal your pardon, dearest, and not a word shall

pass to remind you of this distressing page in your history.'

('Distressing! Excellent fun it was. I shall make her hear my

diary, if I persuade myself to encounter this intolerable kiss of

peace. It will be a mercy if I don't serve her as the thief in the

fable did his mother when he was going to be hanged.')

'I will meet you at the station by any train on Saturday that you

like to appoint, and early next week we will go down to what I am

sure you have felt is your only true home.'

('Have I? Oh! she has heard of their journey, and thinks this my

only alternative. As if I could not go with them if I chose-I wish

they would ask me, though. They shall! I'll not be driven up to the

Holt as my last resource, and live there under a system of mild

browbeating, because I can't help it. No, no! Robin shall find it