The Grey Wig: Stories and Novelettes

how vain Peter would be if he could know the effect of his commonplace ballad.

'There, I'll kiss you too, dear!' he said huskily, still smiling. 'That'll be for the last time.'

Their lips met, and then Mary Ann seemed to fade out of the room in a blur of mist.

An instant after there was a knock at the door.

'Forgot her parcels after a last good-by,' thought Lancelot, and continued to smile at the comicality of the new episode.

He cleared his throat.

'Come in,' he cried, and then he saw that the parcels were gone, too, and it must be Rosie.

But it was merely Mary Ann.

'I forgot to tell you, Mr. Lancelot,' she said-her accents were almost cheerful-'that I'm going to church to- morrow morning.'

'To church!' he echoed.

'Yes, I haven't been since I left the village, but missus says I ought to go in case the vicar asks me what church I've been going to.'

'I see,' he said, smiling on.

She was closing the door when it opened again, just revealing Mary Ann's face.

'Well?' he said, amused.

'But I'll do your boots all the same, Mr. Lancelot.' And the door closed with a bang.

They did not meet again. On the Monday afternoon the vicar duly came and took Mary Ann away. All Baker's Terrace was on the watch, for her story had now had time to spread. The weather remained bright. It was cold but the sky was blue. Mary Ann had borne up wonderfully, but she burst into tears as she got into the cab.

'Sweet, sensitive little thing!' said Baker's Terrace.

'What a good woman you must be, Mrs. Leadbatter,' said the vicar, wiping his spectacles.

As part of Baker's Terrace, Lancelot witnessed the departure from his window, for he had not left after all.

Beethoven was barking his short snappy bark the whole time at the unwonted noises and the unfamiliar footsteps; he almost extinguished the canary, though that was clamorous enough.

'Shut up, you noisy little devils!' growled Lancelot. And taking the comic opera he threw it on the dull fire. The thick sheets grew slowly blacker and blacker, as if with rage; while Lancelot thrust the five five-pound notes into an envelope addressed to the popular composer, and scribbled a tiny note:-

'Dear Peter,-If you have not torn up that cheque I shall be glad of it

by return. Yours,

'LANCELOT.

'P.S.-I send by this post a Reverie, called Marianne, which is the

best thing I have done, and should be glad if you could induce Brahmson

to look at it.'

A big, sudden blaze, like a jubilant bonfire, shot up in the grate and startled Beethoven into silence.

But the canary took it for an extra flood of sunshine, and trilled and demi-semi-quavered like mad.

'Sw-eet! Sweet!'

'By Jove!' said Lancelot, starting up, 'Mary Ann's left her canary behind!'

Then the old whimsical look came over his face.

'I must keep it for her,' he murmured. 'What a responsibility! I suppose I oughtn't to let Rosie look after it any more. Let me see, what did Peter say? Canary seed, biscuits ... yes, I must be careful not to give it butter.... Curious I didn't think of her canary when I sent back all those gloves ... but I doubt if I could have squeezed it in-my boots are only sevens after all-to say nothing of the cage.'

THE SERIO-COMIC GOVERNESS

I.

Nelly O'Neill had her day in those earlier and quieter reaches of the Victorian era when the privilege of microscopic biography was reserved for the great and the criminal classes, and when the Bohemian celebrity (who is perhaps a cross between the two) was permitted to pass-like a magic-lantern slide-from obscurity to oblivion through an illuminated moment.

Thus even her real name has not hitherto leaked out, and to this day the O'Keeffes are unaware of their relative's reputation and believe their one connection with the stage to be a dubious and undesirable consanguinity with O'Keeffe, the actor and fertile farce-writer whose Wild Oats made a sensation at Covent Garden at the end of the eighteenth century. To her many brothers and sisters, Eileen was just the baby, and always remained so, even in the eyes of the eminent civil engineer who was only her senior by a year. Among the peasantry-subtly prescient of her freakish destinies-she was dubbed 'a fairy child': which was by no means a compliment. A bad uncanny creature for all the colleen's winsome looks. The later London whispers of a royal origin had a travestied germ of truth in her father's legendary descent from Brian Boru. He himself seemed scarcely less legendary, this highly coloured squire of the old Irish school, surviving into the Victorian era, like a Georgian caricature; still inhabiting a turreted castle romantically out of repair, infested with ragged parasites: still believing in high living and deep drinking: still receiving the reverence if not the rent of a feudal tenantry, and the affection of a horsey and bibulous countryside. When in liquor there was nothing the O'Keeffe might not do except pay off his mortgages. 'He looked like an elephant when he put his trousers on wrong-you know elephants have their knees the wrong way,' Eileen once told the public in a patter-song. She did not tell the public it was her father, but like a true artist she learned in suffering what she taught in song. One of her childish memories was to be stood in a row of brothers and sisters against a background of antlers, fishing-rods, and racing prints, and solemnly sworn at for innumerability by a ruddy-faced giant in a slovenly surtout. 'Bad luck to ye, ye gomerals, make up your minds whether ye're nine or eleven,' he would say. 'A man ought to know the size of his family: Mother in heaven, I never thought mine was half so large!' These attempts to take a census of his children generally occurred after a peasant had brought him up the drive-'hat in one hand, and Squire in the other,' as the patter-song had it. At the moment of assisted entry his paternal dignity was always at its stateliest, and it was not till he had gravely hung his cocked hat upon an imaginary door-peg in the middle of the hall and seen it flop floorward that he lost his calm. 'Blood and 'ouns, ye've the door taken away again.'

Sometimes-though this was scarcely a relief-another befuddled gentleman would be left at the uninhabited lodge in his stead. That was chiefly after hunt dinners or card and claret parties, when a new coachman would take a quartet of gentry home, all clouded as to their identities. 'Arrah now! they've got thimselves mixed! let thim sort thimselves.' And the coachman would grab at the nearest limb, extricate it and its belongings from the tangle, and prop the total mass against the first gate he passed. And so with the rest.

Eileen's mother, who was as remarkable for her microscopic piety as for the beauty untarnished by a copious maternity, figured in the child's memories as a stout saint who moved with a rustle of silken skirts and heaved an opulent black silk bosom relieved by a silver cross.

'Who are you?' her spouse would inquire with an oath.

'It's your wife I am, Bagenal dear,' she would reply cheerfully. For she had grown up in the four-bottle tradition, and intoxication appeared as natural for the superior sex as sleep. Both were temporary phases, and did not prevent men from being the best of husbands and creatures when clear. And when the marketwomen or the beggarwomen respectfully inquired of her, 'How is your good provider?' she made her reply with no sense of irony, though she had been long paying the piper herself. And the piper figured literally in the household accounts, as well as the fiddler, for the O'Keeffe was what the mud cabins called a 'ginthleman to the backbone.'

II.

Family tradition necessitated that Eileen should at least complete her education at a convent in the outskirts of Paris, and her first communion was delayed till she should 'make' it in that more pious atmosphere. The O'Keeffe convoyed her across the two Channels, and took the opportunity of visiting a 'variety' theatre in Montmartre, where he was delighted to find John Bull and his inelegant womenkind so faithfully delineated. So exhilarated was he by this excellent take-off and a few bocks on the Boulevard, that he refused to get down from the omnibus at its terminus.