It /was/ ridiculous and would be something worth defying if they actively disliked each other.
'One small and thoughtless indiscretion,' he said. 'Is that what that kiss was, Cass? Did it mean nothing else?'
She raised her eyebrows and was silent for a while.
'We spent two nights in bed together, Stephen,' she said, 'but have since reverted to celibacy. You are an extraordinarily attractive man, and I do not believe I am without some charms. We were waltzing together and had become heated in the ballroom. We sought coolness out on the balcony and discovered solitude there as well. What happened was almost inevitable – and indiscreet, of course. /And/ thoughtless.'
'It was nothing more than lust, then?' he said.
'No, it was not.' She smiled at him.
'I believe you know,' he said, holding her eyes with his own, 'that it was. If anyone is practicing self- deception here, Cass, it is you, not me.'
'You are very sweet,' she said in her velvet voice.
He was annoyed again. And frustrated. He stood with his back to the fireplace, his hands clasped behind him.
'If you fail to honor this engagement,' he said, 'there will be a horrible scandal.'
She shrugged.
'People will recover,' she said. 'They always do. And we will have supplied them with what they most enjoy – a salacious topic of gossip.'
He leaned a little toward her.
'Yes,' he agreed. 'Under more normal circumstances we could perhaps hope to suffer nothing worse than a few weeks of severe discomfort.
But – forgive me, Cass – these are not normal circumstances. Not for you, anyway.'
She pursed her lips and regarded him with an amused smile.
'The beau monde will rejoice over /you/, Stephen,' she said. 'The lost sheep returning to the fold. All the ladies will weep tears of joy.
Eventually you will choose one of them and live happily ever after with her. I promise you.'
He stared at her until she raised her eyebrows again and looked downward rather jerkily. She drew her slipper back onto her foot by clenching her toes, uncrossed her legs, and smoothed her gown over her knees.
'Sometimes,' she said, 'your eyes are uncomfortably intense, Stephen, and speak more eloquently than words. It is very unfair of you. One cannot argue with eyes.'
'You will be ruined,' he said.
She laughed. 'And I am not already?'
'You are recovering,' he said. 'People are beginning to accept you. You are beginning to receive invitations. My family has accepted you. Your brother has reconciled with you. And now you could be betrothed to me.
What is so very bad about that? Do you believe I will beat you after we are married? That I will cause you to miscarry our children? Do you?
Will you look me in the eye and tell me you fear I may be capable of such dastardly behavior?'
She shook her head quickly and closed her eyes.
'I have nothing to bring to any marriage, Stephen,' she said. 'No hopes, no dreams, no light, no youth. Only chains that I drag about with me like wraiths. And the prospect of more chains that the nuptial service would hang on me as soon as I vowed away my freedom. No, I do /not/ believe you would mistreat me. But I cannot do it, Stephen. I simply cannot. For your sake as well as mine. We would be miserable – both of us.
Believe me, we would.'
He felt a chill about the heart. There was no mask now. Her voice was shaking with the passion of sincerity.
Marrying was something she could not do again.
Once had been enough.
Too much.
There was no further argument that might convince her.
And so he too was free, with a freedom he no longer wanted.
Perhaps tomorrow he would think differently. Maybe by then he would have returned to sanity.
There was a lengthy silence, during which he sat down in the chair opposite hers. He slumped slightly in it, propped one elbow on the arm, and rested his head in his hand.
He could not feel any relief yet because there were other, much stronger feelings.
Disappointment.
Grief.
Bewilderment.
Desperation.
Then he had an idea.
'Cass,' he said, 'are you willing to compromise with me?'
'/Half/ marry you?' she asked, her smile slightly twisted, her eyes – what? Wistful?
'Let me send the announcement of our betrothal to the papers,' he said.
'No, wait before you shake your head. Listen to what I have to say. Let me arrange a proper celebration of our engagement at Merton House. Let us stay betrothed for what remains of the Season. And then you can break it off quietly during the summer, when the /ton/ will be dispersed all over England. We will decide together then how best you can be supported for the rest of your life. But at least we – '
'I will not need your support, Stephen,' she said. 'And I will even be able to pay back what you have given me. I called on a lawyer with Wesley this morning, and he is quite confident that he can recover my jewels and get the money that was settled on me in my marriage contract and in Nigel's will. And use of the town house here too, and even of the dower house, which of course I do not want. Bruce frightened me into believing I had to make a choice between my freedom and my widow's settlement, but he would not have given me the choice if he had believed I could be convicted of murder, would he? I have realized that during the past few days, and I have decided to fight rather than cower. I am going to be comfortably well off after all. I am going to be independent.'
He felt a rush of gladness for her. He wished he had thought of it for himself, for of course she was quite right. The present Paget had relied upon his ability to browbeat the woman who had been terrorized for nine years by his father.
It was as well he had not thought of it first, though. It was good that she had, that quite unassisted she had found a way to set her life and her future to rights and also, more important, a way to heal herself.
'And what will you do with your independence?' he asked her.
'I'll buy a cottage somewhere in the country and live obscurely and happily ever after there,' she said. She smiled at him, a genuine smile this time. 'Wish me well, Stephen?'
'And that will be preferable to marriage with me,' he said. It was not really a question. The answer was obvious, and it both saddened and gladdened him.
'Yes,' she said softly. 'But I /will/ accept your compromise, Stephen.
You must be allowed to be chivalrous. I will not humiliate you before the whole /ton/ when you have been so kind to me. Announce our betrothal, then, and I will celebrate it with you and with whomever you choose to invite to Merton House. I will play the part of happy, enamored fiancГ©e for the rest of the Season. And then I will set you free.'
Perhaps.
He did not say it aloud. He just looked at her and nodded. And she looked back and smiled.
'Now that it seems I will be able to pay back everything you have paid me,' she said, 'may I count myself already free of the obligation of being your mistress?'
'Of course,' he said, inexplicably hurt. 'But I never did demand much of you in that capacity, Cass. If I have pressed my company on you, it has not been because you are my mistress but because I have wanted to help you.'
'I know that,' she said, 'and I am grateful. I am also free – or will be as soon as my money and property have been safely restored to me. Since I /am/ essentially free, then, let me issue a free invitation. Stay with me
