`You'll spend - my God - a hundred and twenty hours verifying the obvious: namely, multiple-choice attitude tests are unreliable.'
`Yes, but remember we got a foundation grant,' I said.
`So what? Why didn't you request it fob something original, something worthwhile?'
`We wanted a foundation grant,' I answered ironically.
Jake gave me his I-see-into-your-soul squint and then laughed.
`We couldn't think of anything original or worthwhile,' I added, laughing too, `so we decided to do this: Dr. Felloni
managed to nod and frown, both vigorously.
`You'll discover that sexual intercourse is more frequently approved after marriage than before,' said Jake, `that
homosexuals approve of homosexuality, that-'
`Our results' Dr. Felloni said quietly, `may not fulfil conventional expectation. We may discover from our in- depth
interviews that subjects misrepresent their attitudes and experiences in a way that previous experimenters did not
guess.'
'She's right, Jake. I agree the whole thing seems a mammoth bore and may lead to the verification of the obvious, but it
might not.'
`It will,' Dr. Mann said.
`What?' I said.
`It will verify the obvious and nothing more.'
He looked up at me for the first time. His jowls were a Santa Claus pink, either from alcohol or anger. I couldn't tell.
'So why do you waste your time? Renata could do the whole thing herself without your help.'
`It's an entertaining time-filler. I often daydream of publishing embellished results to parody such experiments. You
know. 'Ninety-five percent of American youth believe that masturbation is a better way of expressing friendship and
love than intercourse.'
'Your experiment is a parody without embellishment,' Dr. Mann said.
There was a silence, if you can exclude the cacophony of voices, dishes and music of the surrounding hubbub.
'Our experiment,' Dr. Felloni finally said with a gallop of nods, `will offer new insight into the relations between
sexual behavior, sexual tolerance and personality stability.'
'I read your letter to the Esso Foundation,' Dr. Mann said.
'I know a teen-age girl that could run intellectual rings around most of us here,' Jake said, changing the subject with
out blinking an eye. `She knew everything, brains coming out of her ears. I was within weeks of a major breakthrough.
But she died'
'She died?' I asked.
'Fell from the Williamsburg Bridge into the East River. I confess I see her as one of my two or three possible failures.'
'Look, Tim' I said turning back to Dr. Mann. `I agree our experiment borders on nonsense, but in an absurd world, one
can only go with the flow.'
'I'm not interested in your metaphysical speculations.'
`Or my scientific ones. Maybe I'd better stick to talking about the stock market.'
'. `Oh come off it now, you too,' Jake said. `Ever since Luke wrote his paper on 'Taoism, Zen and Analysis', Tim has
been feting as if he'd been converted to astrology.'
'At least with astrology,' said Dr. Mann, looking coldly at `one still tries to predict something important. With Zen
drifts into Nirvana without thought or effort'
`One doesn't drift into Nirvana,' I said helpfully. 'The drifting is Nirvana.'
`A convenient theory,' Dr. Mann said.
'All good theories are.'
'Gold stocks and General Motors have risen an average of two points a week so far this month,' Dr. Felloni said,
nodding.
`Yeah,' said Jake, `and you'll notice that Waste Products, Inc., Dolly's Duds and Nadir Technology are all rising.'
Dr. Mann and I continued to look at each other, he with warm red face and chill blue eyes, and I with what I intended
to be cheerful detachment.
`My stock seems rather low these days,' I said.
`Perhaps it's gravitating to its natural level,' he replied.
`It may yet rally.'
`Drifters don't rally.'
`Yes they do,' I said. 'You just don't understand Zen.'
`I feel blessed,' Dr. Mann said.
`You've got eating, let me have my Zen and sex experiments.'
`Eating doesn't interfere with my productivity.'
'I rather imagine it increases it.'
Ha flushed even more and pushed back his chair.
`Oh shit,' said Jake. `Will you two stop it. Tim, you're sitting there like a fat Buddha attacking Luke's Buddhism, and
Lu-'
`You're right,' Dr. Mann said, sitting now as stiffly in his chair as his lumpy clothing and body would permit. `I
apologize Luke. The rolls were cold today and I had to attack something.'
`Sure,' I said. `I apologize too. My martini was diluted and I had to hit back.'
The waitress was at the table again and Jake was getting ready to order dessert, but Dr. Felloni spoke loudly to the
general table: `My own portfolio has risen fourteen percent in the last three months despite a market decline of two
percent.'
`Pretty soon you'll found your own foundation, Renata,' Dr. Mann said.
`Prudent investment,' she replied, `is like prudent experimentation: it sticks to the obvious.'
For the rest of the lunch, the conversation was all downhill.
Chapter Five
After lunch I paid my ransom at the local parking lot and drove off through the rain for the hospital. I drove a Rambler American. My colleagues drive Jaguars, Mercedes, Cadillacs, Corvettes, Porsches, Thunderbirds and (occasional slummers) Mustangs: I drove a Rambler. At that time it was my most original contribution to New York
