A week later the dealer called me up and offered twice what he’d offered in the first place. He was still calling occasionally. There had to be a price I couldn’t resist, but so far keeping Cernunnos’s sword beneath my bed was more appealing than cold hard cash. Of course, if the car insurance company didn’t pay up soon, I might start reconsidering my stance.”
“So you don’t go in unarmed,” Gary said to me as I took the sword. My eyebrows rose and I glanced up at him, half smiling, not sure how seriously to take him. He wasn’t smiling at all, eyes serious beneath untamed eyebrows. The lines in his face were deeper, as if the weight of the moment made him seem closer to his seventy-three years. My smile fell away and I just watched him, rapier balanced across my palms as I waited for whatever he had in mind next.
He didn’t disappoint. He pulled a copper cuff bracelet, one that usually sat on my dresser next to the drum, from his pocket. It’d been tarnished and green until recently, when I’d had cause to buy metal cleaner and scrub a silver necklace clean of my own blood. I’d done the bracelet then, too, tracing my fingertip over etched knotwork that might have been Celtic around its borders, and the cut away shapes of Cherokee spirit animals between the borders.
“Gary.” My voice came out small and tight as he turned the bracelet sideways and slid it over my wrist.
“’S from your dad, right?”
I nodded, unable to trust words, and he tapped the metal against my skin. It was already warm from the minute in his pocket. “Left wrist,” he said. “Protects your heart.”
My heart tightened as he spoke, throat closing even more. “Gary,” I said again, scratchy whisper, as if it would stop him, but he wasn’t done. He dipped into his pocket again and came out with what I knew he would, a silver choker necklace I hadn’t worn in months. Hollow tubes of metal rattled gently against its chain, the curved stretches broken apart by triskelions, the Celtic three-way knot that represented the Holy Trinity in modern days, and a much older trio of goddesses from a time before Christianity. The center pendant hung from the chain itself, just far enough to rest in the hollow of my throat: a Celtic cross, a circle quartered by two bars. My mother had given me the necklace as she lay dying, the only thing she’d ever given me besides life. Gary fastened the necklace around my throat with unbelievable delicacy, his big old hands far more certain than mine ever were when I put on jewelry. Something happened as the clasp shut, a soft sparkle of warmth that danced over my skin as powerfully as Gary’s words did.
“To guard your soul,” he said. My heart contracted again, tears blurring my vision, though I managed a painful little smile as I looked down at the sword and the bracelet. The necklace made an uncomfortable pressure against my throat, something I’d never given myself time to get used to. Then I looked up again, smile shaky.
“What about you?” I was trying to tease him, but emotion rode me far too hard. I felt girded for battle, as if I’d been entrusted with a kingdom’s honor and my loved ones had helped me don my armor. “Don’t I get anything from you? Mother’s got my soul covered and Dad’s got my heart, but without you, jeez, Gary, I wouldn’t be here at all. You took the damned sword out of me when I was dying so I could heal myself. And all I get is a lousy little ritual?” I was afraid to blink, for fear tears that burned my eyes would scald my cheeks. My smile was so tremulous I thought it might shake those tears loose, anyway.
A complex expression darkened Gary’s eyes, more facets of sentiment there than I could easily recognize. Pride and love and laughter, mixed up with wry chagrin and just a touch of smugness, and other things that flickered so quickly I couldn’t read them. He slid a hand into his other front pocket and came out with a small, nondescript black velvet box, the kind that makes a girl’s heart slam into her throat when a man pulls it out. My heart did exactly that, cutting off my breath, and I blinked despite all my efforts not to, sending tears rushing down my cheeks. Gary chuckled, barely a sound, and opened the box toward me.
A heart-shaped purple medal, bordered in gold, lay below its ribbon against smooth black velvet, the metal bright by comparison. He only gave me an instant to see what it was before he took it from its case more brusquely than he’d done with the jewelry, and with gruff quick movements pinned it to my shirt. “Never meant that much to me,” he muttered. “Just a way of sayin’ I made it back when a lot of other good fellas didn’t. But since I did, maybe it’ll shield you, too, sweetheart.”
A chime rang out as he dropped his hands, the medal fastened safely to my shirt. I didn’t think he could hear it, but it sounded sweet and loud in my ears, pure tone like silver bells. I felt a click behind my breastbone, profound latching that welded those four items together within me. They whispered recognition to one another:
“My girl,” he added, but less roughly, because I’d dropped the rapier and stepped forward into his arms to let tears run freely down my cheeks. He bowed his head over mine, hand in my hair, and murmured nonsense at me while I held on to him with everything I had. When I finally snuffled and edged back a little, he gave me a soft smile that had nothing to do with the wolfish, toothy grin he liked to disconcert people with, and everything to do with family bonds that couldn’t be broken. “Normally a man don’t like to make a pretty girl cry, but I think maybe this time it means an old dog did somethin’ right.”
I smiled idiotically through the remnants of tears, nodding. “You know you did. You were what, just carrying this around waiting for the right moment?” My voice was still all hoarse and tight, but I didn’t care. Gary beamed down at me.
“That’s good, then. Nah. S’where I went, home to get it. Been thinkin’ about that sword and everything you got for a while now.” He shrugged, big lumbering motion of dismissal. “Thought maybe I could bring somethin’ to the fold, if you asked for it, s’all. And you did.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Gary.” The words, whispered, were as true as anything I’d ever said. “Thank you.”
“Anything for my girl.” His smile reminded me of the younger Gary I’d met in his garden, full of warmth and gentle strength coupled with a linebacker’s ability to clear a path. “I know you’re goin’ to sleep instead of into a trance, but maybe I’ll drum you under anyway, arright?”
I nodded again, crouching to pick up the blade I’d dropped. I curled one hand around the pommel and the other around the blade very carefully, and made my way to the couch. The drum was already there, and Gary came around the other end of the sofa to pick it up. I tilted over, nestling my head on a pillow as I pulled the sword up to my chest like it was a teddy bear.
I heard about three beats of the drum before I fell asleep.
CHAPTER 32
Back in January it’d seemed like every time I went to sleep, that little death drew me into the realm of Other. Letting it find me now, deliberately, seemed awkward after slipping in and out of the astral realms so much. The world of dreams, though, was not quite the same one I skimmed through when I left my body, and very much not the crisp, clear-aired Upper World or the red-skied Lower World I’d made my way to a few times. They all shared a commonality, but in the same way France and Germany shared a border: it could be crossed, but I didn’t want to expect that the same rules would apply on both sides of the border. And I’d spent very little time in dreamworld, using it mostly as a transitory point. Now that I wanted to stay, I found myself with almost no idea how to travel or bring forth the things that I sought. Trusting my subconscious, which was usually how dreams were traversed, seemed both time-consuming and potentially dangerous.
I held on to all of those thoughts for what felt like whole minutes, maybe even longer. It was far more likely they’d formed and dissolved between the third and fourth drumbeats, in that pseudo-waking moment between dreams and the living world. Some brief, eternal time later the darkness of sleep began to take shape. A blaring voice, only half intelligible, echoed against forming hallways, the overhead lights both flickering and too bright. People rushed by me, knocking into me without setting themselves or me off balance, as if I wasn’t there. Gurneys and wheelchairs were pushed against the walls, which faded out suddenly, leaving me standing amid rows and endless rows of hospital beds.
