ULYSSES

Cowley, Crofton out of the Collector-general’s, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with tweezers, Mrs Bob Doran, Mrs Kennefick, Mrs Wyse Nolan, John Wyse Nolan, handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwidebehind -- >inClonskeatram, --> the bookseller of Sweets of Sin, Miss Dubedatandshedidbedad, Mesdames Gerald and Stanislaus Moran of Roebuck, the managing clerk of Drimmie’s, Wetherup, colonel Hayes, Mastiansky, Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses Herzog, Michael E Geraghty, Inspector Troy, Mrs Galbraith, the constable off Eccles street corner, old doctor Brady with stethoscope, the mystery man on the beach, a retriever, Mrs Miriam Dandrade and all her lovers.)

THE HUE AND CRY

(helterskelterpelterwelter) He’s Bloom! Stop Bloom! Stopabloom! Stopperrobber! Hi! Hi! Stophim on the corner!

(At the corner of Beaver street beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the fringe of the noisy quarrelling knot, a lot not knowing a jot what hi! hi! row and wrangle round the whowhat brawlaltogether.)

STEPHEN

(with elaborate gestures, breathing deeply and slowly) You are my guests. Uninvited. By virtue of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. History to blame. Fabled by mothers of memory.

PRIVATE CARR

(to Cissy Caffrey) Was he insulting you?

STEPHEN

Addressed her in vocative feminine. Probably neuter. Ungenitive.

VOICES

No, he didn’t. I seen him. The girl there. He was in Mrs Cohen’s. What’s up? Soldier and civilian.

CISSY CAFFREY

I was in company with the soldiers and they left me to do, you know, and the young man run up behind me. But I’m faithful to the man that’s treating me though I’m only a shilling whore.

VOICES

Shesfaithfultheman.

STEPHEN

(catches sight of Lynch’s and Kitty’s heads) Hail, Sisyphus. (he points to himself and the others) Poetic. Uropoetic.

CISSY CAFFREY

Yes, to go with him. And me with a soldier friend.

PRIVATE COMPTON

He doesn’t half want a thick ear, the blighter. Biff him one, Harry.

PRIVATE CARR

(to Cissy) Was he insulting you while me and him was having a piss?

LORD TENNYSON

(gentleman poet in Union Jack blazer and cricket flannels, bareheaded, flowingbearded) Theirs not to reason why.

PRIVATE COMPTON

Biff him, Harry.

STEPHEN

(to Private Compton) I don’t know your name but you are quite right. Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Shirt is synechdoche. Part for the whole.

CISSY CAFFREY

(to the crowd) No, I was with the privates.

STEPHEN

(amiably) Why not? The bold soldier boy. In my opinion every lady for example …..

PRIVATE CARR

(his cap awry, advances to Stephen) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw?

STEPHEN

(looks up to the sky) How? Very unpleasant. Noble art of selfpretence. Personally, I detest action. (he waves his hand) Hand hurts me slightly. Enfin ce sont vos oignons. (to Cissy Caffrey) Some trouble is on here. What is it precisely?

DOLLY GRAY

(from her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign of the heroine of Jericho) Rahab. Cook’s son, goodbye. Safe home to Dolly. Dream of the girl you left behind and she will dream of you.

(The soldiers turn their swimming eyes.)

BLOOM

(elbowing through the crowd, plucks Stephen’s sleeve vigorously) Come now, professor, that carman is waiting.

STEPHEN

(turns) Eh? (he disengages himself) Why should I not speak to him or to any human being who walks upright upon this oblate orange? (he points his finger) I’m not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. Retaining the perpendicular. (he staggers a pace back)

BLOOM

(propping him) Retain your own.

STEPHEN

(laughs emptily) My centre of gravity is displaced. I have forgotten the trick. Let us sit down somewhere and discuss. Struggle for life is the law of existence but but human philirenists, notably the tsar and the king of England, have invented arbitration. (he taps his brow) But in here it is I must kill the priest and the king.

BIDDY THE CLAP

Did you hear what the professor said? He’s a professor out of the college.

CUNTY KATE

I did. I heard that.

BIDDY THE CLAP

He expresses himself with such marked refinement of phraseology.

CUNTY KATE

Indeed, yes. And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy.

PRIVATE CARR

(pulls himself free and comes forward) What’s that you’re saying about my king?

(Edward the Seventh appears in an archway. He wars a white jersey on which an image of the Sacred Heart is stitched with the insignia of Garter and Thistle, Golden Fleece, Elephant of Denmark, Skinner’s and Probyn’s horse, Lincoln’s Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachusetts. He sucks a red jujube. He is robed as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron, marked made in Germany. In his left hand he holds a plasterer’s bucket on which is printed Defense d’uriner. A roar of welcome greets him.)

EDWARD THE SEVENTH