the cops!
(Two raincaped watch, tall, stand in the group.)
FIRST WATCH
What’s wrong here?
PRIVATE COMPTON
We were with this lady. And he insulted us. And assaulted my chum. (the retriever barks) Who owns the bleeding tyke?
CISSY CAFFREY
(with expectation) Is he bleeding!
A MAN
(rising from his knees) No. Gone off. He’ll come to all right.
BLOOM
(glances sharply at the man) Leave him to me. I can easily …..
SECOND WATCH
Who are you? Do you know him?
PRIVATE CARR
(lurches towards the watch) He insulted my lady friend.
BLOOM
(angrily) You hit him without provocation. I’m a witness. Constable, take his regimental number.
SECOND WATCH
I don’t want your instructions in the discharge of my duty.
PRIVATE COMPTON
(pulling his comrade) Here, bugger off, Harry. Or Bennett’ll shove you in the lockup.
PRIVATE CARR
(staggering as he is pulled away) God fuck old Bennett. He’s a whitearsed bugger. I don’t give a shit for him.
FIRST WATCH
(takes out his notebook) What’s his name?
BLOOM
(peering over the crowd) I just see a car there. If you give me a hand a second, sergeant ….
FIRST WATCH
Name and address.
(Corny Kelleher, weepers round his hat, a death wreath in his hand, appears among the bystanders.)
BLOOM
(quickly) O, the very man! (he whispers) Simon Dedalus’ son. A bit sprung. Get those policemen to move those loafers back.
SECOND WATCH
Night, Mr Kelleher.
CORNY KELLEHER
(to the watch, with drawling eye) That’s all right. I know him. Won a bit on the races. Gold cup. Throwaway. (he laughs) Twenty to one. Do you follow me?
FIRST WATCH
(turns to the crowd) Here, what are you all gaping at? Move on out of that.
(The crowd disperses slowly, muttering, down the lane.)
CORNY KELLEHER
Leave it to me, sergeant. That’ll be all right. (he laughs, shaking his head) We were often as bad ourselves, ay or worse. What? Eh, what?
FIRST WATCH
(laughs) I suppose so.
CORNY KELLEHER
(nudges the second watch) Come and wipe your name off the slate. (he lilts, wagging his head) With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. What, eh, do you follow me?
SECOND WATCH
(genially) Ah, sure we were too.
CORNY KELLEHER
(winking) Boys will be boys. I’ve a car round there.
SECOND WATCH
All right, Mr Kelleher. Good night.
CORNY KELLEHER
I’ll see to that.
BLOOM
(shakes hands with both of the watch in turn) Thank you very much, gentlemen. Thank you. (he mumbles confidentially) We don’t want any scandal, you understand. Father is a wellknown highly respected citizen. Just a little wild oats, you understand.
FIRST WATCH
O. I understand, sir.
SECOND WATCH
That’s all right, sir.
FIRST WATCH
It was only in case of corporal injuries I’d have to report it at the station.
BLOOM
(nods rapidly) Naturally. Quite right. Only your bounden duty.
SECOND WATCH
It’s our duty.
CORNY KELLEHER
Good night, men.
THE WATCH
(saluting together) Night, gentlemen.
(They move off with slow heavy tread.)
BLOOM
(blows) Providential you came on the scene. You have a car …?
CORNY KELLEHER
(laughs, pointing his thumb over his right shoulder to the car brought up against the scaffolding) Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet’s. Like princes, faith. One of them lost two quid on the race. Drowning his grief. And were on for a go with the jolly girls.
