team on back and so I said I'd buy him another cigar and so we drove into the lane and I went across the yard to the house. I stopped in the hall until I could hear Mother and Uncle Maury upstairs, then I went on back to the kitchen. She and Ben were there with Dilsey. I said Mother wanted her and I took her into the house. I found Uncle Maury's raincoat and put it around her and picked her up and went back to the lane and got in the hack. I told Mink to drive to the depot. He was afraid to pass the stable, so we had to go the back way and I saw her standing on the corner under the light and I told Mink to drive close to the walk and when I said Go on, to give the team a bat. Then I took the raincoat off of her and held her to the window and Caddy saw her and sort of jumped forward.
'Hit 'em, Mink!' I says, and Mink gave them a cut and we went past her like a fire engine. 'Now get on that train like you promised,' I says. I could see her running after us through the back window. 'Hit 'em again,' I says. 'Let's get on home.' When we turned the corner she was still running.
And so I counted the money again that night and put it away, and I didn't feel so bad. I says I reckon that'll show you. I reckon you'll know now that you cant beat me out of a job and get away with it. It never occurred to me she wouldn't keep her promise and take that train. But I didn't know much about them then; I didn't have any more sense than to believe what they said, because the next morning dam if she didn't walk right into the store, only she had sense enough to wear the veil and not speak to anybody. It was Saturday morning, because I was at the store, and she came right on back to the desk where I was, walking fast.
'Liar,' she says. 'Liar.'
'Are you crazy?' I says. 'What do you mean? coming in here like this?' She started in, but I shut her off. I says, 'You already cost me one job; do you want me to lose this one too? If you've got anything to say to me, I'll meet you somewhere after dark. What have you got to say to me?' I says. 'Didn't I do everything I said? I said see her a minute, didn't I? Well, didn't you?' She just stood there looking at me, shaking like an ague-fit, her hands clenched and kind of jerking. 'I did just what I said I would,' I says. 'You're the one that lied. You promised to take that train. Didn't you? Didn't you promise? If you think you can get that money back, just try it,' I says. 'If it'd been a thousand dollars, you'd still owe me after the risk I took. And if I see or hear you're still in town after number 17 runs,' I says, 'I'll tell Mother and Uncle Maury. Then hold your breath until you see her again.' She just stood there, looking at me, twisting her hands together.
'Damn you,' she says. 'Damn you.'
'Sure,' I says. 'That's all right too. Mind what I say, now. After number 17, and I tell them.'
After she was gone I felt better. I says I reckon you'll think twice before you deprive me of a job that was promised me. I was a kid then. I believed folks when they said they'd do things. I've learned better since. Besides, like I say I guess I dont need any man's help to get along I can stand on my own feet like I always have. Then all of a sudden I thought of Dilsey and Uncle Maury. I thought how she'd get around Dilsey and that Uncle Maury would do anything for ten dollars. And there I was, couldn't even get away from the store to protect my own Mother. Like she says, if one of you had to be taken, thank God it was you left me I can depend on you and I says well I dont reckon I'll ever get far enough from the store to get out of your reach. Somebody's got to hold on to what little we have left, I reckon.
So as soon as I got home I fixed Dilsey. I told Dilsey she had leprosy and I got the bible and read where a man's flesh rotted off and I told her that if she ever looked at her or Ben or Quentin they'd catch it too. So I thought I had everything all fixed until that day when I came home and found Ben bellowing. Raising hell and nobody could quiet him. Mother said, Well, get him the slipper then. Dilsey made out she didn't hear. Mother said it again and I says I'd go I couldn't stand that dam noise. Like I say I can stand lots of things I dont expect much from them but if I have to work all day long in a dam store dam if I dont think I deserve a little peace and quiet to eat dinner in. So I says I'd go and Dilsey says quick, 'Jason!'
Well, like a flash I knew what was up, but just to make sure I went and got the slipper and brought it back, and just like I thought, when he saw it you'd thought we were killing him. So I made Dilsey own up, then I told Mother. We had to take her up to bed then, and after things got quieted down a little I put the fear of God into Dilsey. As much as you can into a nigger, that is. That's the trouble with nigger servants, when they've been with you for a long time they get so full of self importance that they're not worth a dam. Think they run the whole family.
'I like to know whut's de hurt in lettin dat po chile see her own baby,' Dilsey says. 'If Mr Jason was still here hit ud be different.'
'Only Mr Jason's not here,' I says. 'I know you wont pay me any mind, but I reckon you'll do what Mother says. You keep on worrying her like this until you get her into the graveyard too, then you can fill the whole house full of ragtag and bobtail. But what did you want to let that dam boy see her for?'
'You's a cold man, Jason, if man you is,' she says. 'I thank de Lawd I got mo heart den cat, even ef hit is black.'
'At least I'm man enough to keep that flour barrel full,' I says. 'And if you do that again, you wont be eating out of it either.'
So the next time I told her that if she tried Dilsey again, Mother was going to fire Dilsey and send Ben to Jackson and take Quentin and go away. She looked at me for a while. There wasn't any street light close and I couldn't see her face much. But I could feel her looking at me. When we were little when she'd get mad and couldn't do anything about it her upper lip would begin to jump. Everytime it jumped it would leave a little more of her teeth showing, and all the time she'd be as still as a post, not a muscle moving except her lip jerking higher and higher up her teeth. But she didn't say anything. She just said,
'All right. How much?'
'Well, if one look through a hack window was worth a hundred,' I says. So after that she behaved pretty well, only one time she asked to see a statement of the bank account.
'I know they have Mother's indorsement on them,' she says. 'But I want to see the bank statement. I want to see myself where those checks go.'
'That's in Mother's private business,' I says. 'If you think you have any right to pry into her private affairs I'll tell her you believe those checks are being misappropriated and you want an audit because you dont trust her.'
She didn't say anything or move. I could hear her whispering Damn you oh damn you oh damn you.
'Say it out,' I says. 'I dont reckon it's any secret what you and I think of one another. Maybe you want the money back,' I says.
'Listen, Jason,' she says. 'dont lie to me now. About her. I wont ask to see anything. If that isn't enough, I'll send more each month. Just promise that she'll--that she--You can do that. Things for her. Be kind to her. Little things that I cant, they wont let…. But you wont. You never had a drop of warm blood in you. Listen,' she says. 'If you'll get Mother to let me have her back, I'll give you a thousand dollars.'
'You haven't got a thousand dollars,' I says. 'I know you're lying now.'
'Yes I have. I will have. I can get it.'
'And I know how you'll get it,' I says. 'You'll get it the same way you got her. And when she gets big enough--' Then I thought she really was going to hit at me, and then I didn't know what she was going to do. She acted for a minute like some kind of a toy that's wound up too tight and about to burst all to pieces.
'Oh, I'm crazy,' she says. 'I'm insane. I cant take her. Keep her. What am I thinking of. Jason,' she says, grabbing my arm. Her hands were hot as fever. 'You'll have to promise to take care of her, to-- She's kin to you; your own flesh and blood. Promise, Jason. You have Father's name: do you think I'd have to ask him twice? once, even?'
'That's so,' I says. 'He did leave me something. What do you want me to do,' I says. 'Buy an apron and a gocart? I never got you into this,' I says. 'I run more risk than you do, because you haven't got anything at stake. So if you expect--'
'No,' she says, then she begun to laugh and to try to hold it back all at the same time. 'No. I have nothing at stake,' she says, making that noise, putting her hands to her mouth. 'Nuh-nuh-nothing,' she says.
'Here,' I says. 'Stop that!'
'I'm tr-trying to,' she says, holding her hands over her mouth. 'Oh God, oh God.'
'I'm going away from here,' I says. 'I cant be seen here. You get on out of town now, you hear?'
'Wait,' she says, catching my arm. 'I've stopped. I wont again. You promise, Jason?' she says, and me feeling her eyes almost like they were touching my face. 'You promise? Mother--that--money if sometimes she needs
