mind, become entangled with the act. Or was it the act that had become entangled with the emotions?
Whatever, she'd been seduced-entirely and utterly, beyond recall-not by him, but by her
This desire had to be what her mother had felt, what had driven her to accept Reginald Debbington in marriage and trapped her in a loveless union for all her days. She had every reason to distrust the emotion-to avoid it, reject it.
She couldn't. Patience knew that for fact, the emotion ran too strong, too compulsively within her, for her to ever be free of it.
But it, of itself, brought no pain, no sadness. Indeed, if she'd been given the choice, even now she would admit that she'd rather have the experience, the excitement, the knowledge, than live the rest of her life in ignorance.
There was, invested within that rogue emotion, power and joy and boundless excitement-all things she craved. She was already addicted; she wouldn't let it go. There was, after all, no need.
She had never truly thought of marriage; she could now face the fact that she had, indeed, been avoiding it. Finding excuse after excuse to put off even considering it. It was marriage-the trap-that had brought her mother undone. Simply loving, even if that love was unrequited, would be sweet-bittersweet maybe, but the experience was not one she would turn down.
Vane wanted her-he had not at any time tried to hide the effect she had on him, tried to screen the potent desire that glowed like hot coals in his eyes. The knowledge that she aroused him was like a grapple about her heart-a facet from some deep, heretofore unacknowledged dream.
He'd asked for tomorrow-that was in the lap of the gods, but when the time came, she would not, she knew, draw back.
She'd meet him-meet his passion, his desire, his need-and in fulfilling and satisfying him, fulfill and satisfy herself. That, she now knew, was the way it could be. It was the way she wanted it to be.
Their liaison would last for however long it might; while she would be sad when it ended, she wouldn't be caught, trapped in never-ending misery like her mother.
Smiling, wistfully wry, Patience looked down and stroked Myst's head. 'He might want me, but he's still an elegant gentleman.' She might wish that were not so, but it was. 'Love is not something he has to give-and I'll never-hear me well-
That was the crux of it-that was her true fate.
She had no intention of fighting it.
Chapter 12
Vane arrived early in the breakfast parlor the next morning. He served himself, then took his seat and waited for Patience to appear. The rest of the males wandered in, exchanging their usual greetings. Vane pushed back his plate and waved for Masters to pour him more coffee.
Coiled tension had him in its grip; how much longer would it be before he could release it? That, to his mind, was a point to which Patience should give her most urgent attention, yet he could hardly begrudge Minnie her aid.
When Patience failed to appear by the time they'd finished their meals, Vane inwardly sighed and fixed Gerrard with a severe glance. 'I need a ride.' He did, in more ways than one, but at least he could release some of his pent-up energy in a good gallop. 'Interested?'
Gerrard squinted out of the window. 'I was going to sketch, but the light looks flat. I'll come riding instead.'
Vane raised a brow at Henry. 'You game, Chadwick?'
'Actually'-Henry sat back in his chair-'I'd thought to practice my angle shots. Wouldn't do to get rusty.'
Gerrard chuckled. 'It was pure luck you beat Vane last time. Anyone could tell he was a trifle out of sorts.'
'Ah-but I did win.' Henry clung to his moment of victory. 'I've no intention of letting my advantage slip.'
Vane merely smiled sardonically, inwardly grateful Henry would not be accompanying them. Gerrard rarely spoke when riding, which suited his mood far better than Henry's locquaciousness. 'Edmond?'
They all looked down the table to where Edmond sat gazing at his empty plate, mumbling beneath his breath. His hair stuck out at odd angles where he'd clutched it.
Vane raised a brow at Gerrard, who shook his head. Edmond was clearly in the grip of his muse and deaf to all else. Vane and Gerrard pushed back their chairs and rose.
Patience hurried in. She paused just inside the room, and blinked at Vane, half-risen.
He immediately subsided into his chair. Gerrard turned, and saw him reseated; he also resumed his seat.
Reassured, Patience headed for the sideboard, picked up a plate, and went straight to the table. She was late; in the circumstances, she'd settle for tea and toast. 'Minnie's better,' she announced as she took her seat. Looking up the table, she met Vane's gaze. 'She spent a sound night and has assured me she doesn't need me today.'
She swept a brief smile over Henry and Edmond, thus rendering the information general.
Gerrard grinned at her. 'I suppose you'll be off to the music room as usual. Vane and I are going for a ride.'
Patience looked at Gerrard, then stared up the table at Vane. Who stared back. Patience blinked, then reached for the teapot. 'Actually, if you'll wait a few minutes, I'll come with you. After being cooped up these last days, I could do with some air.'
Gerrard looked at Vane, who was gazing at Patience, an unfathomable expression on his face. 'We'll wait' was all he said.
By agreement, they met in the stable yard.
After scurrying into her habit, then rushing out of the house like a hoyden, Patience was mildly irritated to find Gerrard not yet there. Vane was already atop the grey hunter. Both rider and horse were restless.
Climbing into her sidesaddle, Patience took up her reins and glanced back toward the house. 'Where is he?'
Lips compressed, Vane shrugged.
Three minutes later, just as she was about to dismount to go and search, Gerrard appeared. With his easel.
'I say, I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind.' He grinned up at them. 'There's clouds coming up and the light's turned grey-it's just the look I've been waiting to capture. I need to get it down before it changes again.' He shifted his burden and continued to grin. 'So go on without me-at least you've got each other for company.'
Gerrard's disingenuity was transparently genuine; Vane swallowed a curse. He glanced swiftly at Patience; she met his gaze, questions in her eyes.
Vane understood the questions-but Gerrard was standing there, large as life, waiting to wave them away. Jaw firming, he gestured to the stable arch. 'Shall we?'
After a fractional hesitation, Patience nodded and flicked her reins. With a perfunctory wave to Gerrard, she led the way out. Vane followed. As they thundered along the track past the ruins, he glanced back. So did Patience. Gerrard, slogging in their wake, waved gaily.
Vane cursed. Patience looked forward.
By unspoken accord, they put distance between themselves and the Hall, eventually drawing rein on the banks of the Nene. The river flowed steadily, a reflective grey ribbon smoothly rippling between thickly grassed banks. A well-beaten track followed the river; slowing the grey to a walk, Vane turned along it.
