to see stood twelve inches high. It was an otherwise nondescript granite block, inscribed simply on the upper face.
Grass had grown tall around the sides but was otherwise well tended. Directly in front of it, in a small tube set into the ground, was a bouquet of dried carnations. He didn’t have to count them to know how many there were, nor did he wonder who had left them.
His mother had left eleven of them, one for every year of their marriage. She left them every May, on their anniversary, as she had for the past twenty-seven years. In all that time she’d never told Taylor about leaving them, and Taylor had never mentioned that he already knew. He was content to let her have her secret, if by doing so he could keep his own.
Unlike his mother, Taylor didn’t visit the grave on his parents’ anniversary. That was her day, the day they’d pledged their love in front of family and friends. Instead Taylor visited in June, on the day his father died. That was the day he’d never forget.
As usual, he was dressed in jeans and a short-sleeved workshirt. He’d come directly from a project he’d been working on, slipping away during the lunch break, and parts of his shirt were neatly tacked to his chest and back. No one had asked where he was going, and he hadn’t bothered to explain. It was no one’s business but his own.
Taylor bent and started to pull the longer blades of grass along the sides, twisting them around his hand to get a better grip and snapping them off to make them level with the surrounding lawn. He took his time, giving his mind a chance to clear, leveling all four sides. When finished, he ran his finger over the polished granite. The words were simple:
Mason Thomas McAden
Loving father and husband
1936-1972
Year by year, visit by visit, Taylor had grown older; he was now the same age his father was when he’d passed away. He’d changed from a frightened young boy to the man he was today. His memory of his father, however, had ended abruptly on that last dreadful day. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t picture what his father would look like if he were still alive. In Taylor’s mind, his father would always be thirty-six. Never younger, never older-selective memory made that clear. And so, of course, did the photo.
Taylor closed his eyes, waiting for the image to come. He didn’t need to carry the photo with him to know exactly how it looked.
It still sat on the fireplace mantel in the living room. He’d seen it every day for the past twenty-seven years.
The photo had been taken a week before the accident, on a warm June morning right outside their home. In the picture his father was stepping off the back porch, fishing pole in hand, on his way to the Chowan River. Though he wasn’t visible, Taylor remembered that he had been trailing behind his father, still in the house collecting his lures, scrambling to find everything he needed. His mother had been hiding behind the truck, and when she had called his father’s name, Mason had turned and she’d unexpectedly snapped the picture. The film had been sent away to be developed, and because of that, it hadn’t been destroyed with the other photos. Judy didn’t pick it up until after the funeral and had cried while looking at it, then slipped it into her purse. To others it wasn’t anything special-his father walking in midstride, hair uncombed, a stain on the buttoned shirt he was wearing-but to Taylor it had captured the very essence of his father. It was there, that irrepressible spirit that defined the man he was, and that was the reason it had affected his mother so. It was in his expression, the gleam of his eye, the jaunty yet keenly alert pose.
A month after his father had died, Taylor had sneaked it out of her purse and fallen asleep while holding it. His mother had come in, found the photo pressed into his small hands, his fingers curled tightly around it. The photo itself was smudged with tears. The following day she’d taken the negative in to have a copy made, and Taylor glued four Popsicle sticks to a discarded piece of glass and mounted the photo. In all these years he’d never considered changing the frame.
Thirty-six.
His father seemed so young in the picture. His face was lean and youthful, his eyes and forehead showing only the faintest outlines of wrinkles that would never have the chance to deepen. Why, then, did his father seem so much older than Taylor felt right now? His father had seemed so . . . wise, so sure of himself, so brave. In the eyes of his nine-year-old son, he was a man of mythic proportion, a man who understood life and could explain nearly everything. Was it because he’d lived more deeply? Had his life been defined by broader, more exceptional experiences? Or was his impression simply the product of a young boy’s feelings for his father, including the last moment they’d been together?
Taylor didn’t know, but then he never would. The answers had been buried with his father a long time ago.
He could barely remember the weeks immediately after his father died. That time had blurred strangely into a series of fragmented memories: the funeral, staying with his grandparents in their home on the other side of town, suffocating nightmares when he tried to sleep. It was summer-school was out-and Taylor spent most of his time outside, trying to blot out what had happened. His mother wore black for two months, mourning the loss. Then, finally, the black was put away. They found a new place to live, something smaller, and even though nine- year-olds have little comprehension of death and how to deal with it, Taylor knew exactly what his mother was trying to tell him.
It’s just the two of us now. We’ve got to go on.
After that fateful summer Taylor had drifted through school, earning decent but unspectacular grades, progressing steadily from one grade to the next. He was remarkably resilient, others would say, and in some ways they were right. With his mother’s care and fortitude, his adolescent years were like those of most others who lived in this part of the country. He went camping and boating whenever he could; he played football, basketball, and baseball throughout his high school years. Yet in many ways he was considered a loner. Mitch was, and always had been, his only real friend, and in the summers they’d go hunting and fishing, just the two of them. They would vanish for a week at a time, sometimes traveling as far away as Georgia. Though Mitch was married now, they still did it whenever they could.
Once he graduated, Taylor bypassed college in favor of work, hanging drywall and learning the carpentry business. He apprenticed with a man who was an alcoholic, a bitter man whose wife had left him, who cared more about the money he’d make than the quality of the work. After a violent confrontation that nearly came to blows, Taylor quit working for him and started taking classes to earn his contractor’s license.
He supported himself by working in the gypsum mine near Little Washington, a job that left him coughing almost every night, but by twenty-four he’d saved enough to start his own business. No project was too small, and he often underbid to build up his business and reputation. By twenty-eight he’d nearly gone bankrupt twice, but he stubbornly kept on going, eventually making it work. Over the past eight years he’d nurtured the business to the point where he made a decent living. Not anything grand-his house was small and his truck was six years old-but it was enough for him to lead the simple life he desired.
A life that included volunteering for the fire department.
His mother had tried strenuously to talk him out of it. It was the only instance in which he’d deliberately gone against her wishes.
Of course, she wanted to be a grandmother as well, and she’d let that slip out every now and then. Taylor usually made light of the comment and tried to change the subject. He hadn’t come close to marriage and doubted whether he ever would. It wasn’t something he imagined himself doing, though in the past he’d dated two women fairly seriously. The first time was in his early twenties, when he’d started seeing Valerie. She was coming off a disastrous relationship when they’d met-her boyfriend had gotten another woman pregnant, and Taylor was the one she’d turned to in her time of need. She was two years older, smart, and they had gotten along well for a time. But Valerie wanted something more serious; Taylor had told her honestly that he might never be ready. It was a source of tension without easy answers. In time they simply drifted apart; eventually she moved away. The last he’d heard, she was married to a lawyer and living in Charlotte.
Then there was Lori. Unlike Valerie, she was younger than Taylor and had moved to Edenton to work for the bank. She was a loan officer and worked long hours; she hadn’t had the chance to make any friends when Taylor
