This was one of the first things that penetrated the fogginess of my mind as I struggled to regain consciousness. I'm never at my best first thing in the morning, even when I wake up leisurely of my own accord. Having wakefulness forced upon me by someone else only guarantees that my mood will be less than pleasant.
However groggy I might be feeling, though, there was no mistaking the fact that it was Massha shaking me awake. Even through unfocused eyes, her form was unmistakable. Imagine, if you will, the largest, fattest woman you've ever met. Now expand that image by fifty percent in all directions, top it off with garish orange hair, and false eyelashes and purple lipstick, and adorn it with a wheelbarrow load of gaudy jewelry. See what I mean? I could recognize Massha a mile away on a dark night… blindfolded.
'Of course I'm okay, apprentice'.' I snarled. 'Don't you have any lessons you're supposed to be practicing or something?'
'Are you sure? she pressed mercilessly.
'Yes, I'm sure. Why do you ask? Can't a fellow take a little nap without being badgered about it?'
'It's just that you don't usually take naps in the middle of the reception room floor.'
That got my attention, and I forced my eyes into focus. She was right! For some reason I was sprawled out on the floor. Now what could have possessed me to…
Then it all came back! Aahz! The expedition into the new dimension!
I sat bolt upright… and regretted it immediately. A blinding headache assaulted me with ice pick intensity, and my stomach flipped over and landed on its back with all the grace of a lump of overcooked oatmeal.
Massha caught me by the shoulder as I started to list.
'Steady there, High Roller. Looks like your idea of 'okay' and mine are a little out of synch.'
Ignoring her, I felt the back of my head cautiously and discovered a large, tender lump behind my ear. If I had had any doubts as to what had happened, they were gone now.
'That bloody Pervert!' I said, flinching at the new wave of pain brought on by the sound of my own voice. 'He must have knocked me out and gone in alone!'
'You mean Aahz? Dark, green, and scaly himself? I don't get it. Why would your own partner sucker-punch you?'
'So he could go through the door without me. I made it very clear that I didn't want to be left behind on this caper.'
'Door? What door?' Massha said with a frown. 'I know you two have your secrets, Boss, but I think you'd better fill me in on a few more details as to exactly what's going on around here.'
As briefly as I could, I brought her up to date on the day's events, including the explanation as to why Aahz and I had never said anything about the house's mysterious back door. Being a seasoned dimension traveler herself, she grasped the concept of an unlisted dimension and its potential dangers much more rapidly than Guide and Nunzio.
'What I don't understand is even if he didn't want you along, why didn't he take someone else as a backup?'
'Like who?' I said with a wry grimace. 'We've already established that you're my apprentice and he doesn't give you orders without clearing them through me. He's never been impressed with Guido and Nunzio. Tananda and Chumley are off on their own contracts and aren't due back for several days. Even Gus is taking a well-earned vacation with Berfert. Besides, he knows good and well that if he started building a team and excluded me, there'd be some serious problems before the dust settled. I wouldn't take something like that lying down!'
'Don't look now, but you just did,' my apprentice pointed out dryly, 'though I have to admit he sort of forced it on you.'
With that, she slid a hand under each of my armpits and picked me up, setting me gently on my feet.
'Well, now what? I supposed you're going to go charging after him with blood in your eye. Mind if I tag along? Or are you bound and determined to be as stupid as he is?'
As a matter of fact, that was exactly what I had been planning to do. The undisguised sarcasm in her voice combined with the unsettling wobbliness of my legs, however, led me to reconsider.
'No,' I said carefully. 'One of us blundering around out there is enough… or one too many, depending on how you count it. While I still think I should have gone along, Aahz has dealt this hand, so it's up to him to play it out. It's up to me to mind the store until he gets back.'
Massha cocked an eyebrow at me.
'That makes sense,' she said, 'though I'll admit I'm a little surprised to hear you say it.'
'I'm a responsible businessman now.' I shrugged. 'I can't afford to go off half-cocked like a rash kid anymore. Besides, I have every confidence in my partner's ability to handle things.'
Those were brave words, and I meant them. Two days later, however, this particular 'responsible businessman' was ready to go off fully cocked. Guido and Nunzio ceased to complain about my sneaking off alone… mostly because I didn't go out at all! In fact, I spent most of my waking hours and all of my sleeping hours (though I'll admit I didn't sleep much) in the reception room on the off-chance that I could greet Aahz on his triumphant return.
Unfortunately, my vigil went unrewarded. I did my best to hide my concern, but I needn't have bothered. As the hours marched on, my staff's worries grew until most of my time was spent telling them, 'No, he isn't back yet. When he gets here, I'll let you know.' Even Guido, who never really got along with Aahz, took to stopping by at least once an hour for a no-progress report.
Finally, as a salve for my own nerves, I called everyone into the reception room for a staff meeting.
'What I want to know is how long are we just going to sit around before we admit that something's gone wrong?' Guido muttered for the fifth time.
'How long do you figure it takes to find a fugitive in a strange dimension?' I shot back. 'How long would it take you to find them if they were on Klah, Guido? We've got to give him some time.'
'How much time?' he countered. 'It's already been two days…'
'Tananda and Chumley will be back any time now,' Massha interrupted. 'Do you think they'll just sit around on their hands when they find out that Aahz is out there all alone?'
'I thought you were the one who thought that going after him was a stupid idea?'
'I still do. Now do you want to know what I think of the idea of doing nothing!'
Before I could answer, a soft knock sounded at the door… the back door!
'See!' I crowed triumphantly. 'I told you he would be back!'
'That doesn't sound like his knock,' Guido observed suspiciously.
'And why should he knock?' Massha added. 'The door hasn't been locked since he left.'
In my own relief and enthusiasm, their remarks went unnoticed. In a flash I was at the door, wrenching it open while voicing the greeting I had been rehearsing for two days.
'It's about time, part… ner.'
It wasn't Aahz.
In fact, the being outside the door didn't look anything at all like Aahz. What was doubly surprising, though, was that I recognized her!
We had never really met… not to exchange names, but shortly after meeting Aahz I had been strung up by an angry mob while impersonating her, and I had seen her in the crowd when I successfully 'interviewed' for the job of court magician at Possletum.
What I had never had a chance to observe first-hand was her radiant complexion framed by waves of sungold hair, or the easy grace with which she carried herself, or the…
'It's the Great Skeeve, right? Behind the open mouth?'
Her voice was so musical it took me a few moments to zero in on what she had said and realize that she was expecting an answer.
'Aahh… yes. I mean, at your service,'
'Glad to finally meet you face-to-face,' she said briskly, glancing at Guido and Massha nervously. 'I've been looking for an excuse for a while, and I guess this is it. Got some news for you… about your apprentice.'
I was still having problems focusing on what she was saying. Not only was her voice mesmerizing, she was easily the loveliest woman I had ever met… well, girl actually. She couldn't have been much older than me. What's more, she seemed to like me. That is, she kept smiling hesitantly and her deep blue eyes never left mine. Now, I
