Phule's Errand

rumor that the Space Legion-the boys in black, she called them-were spying on tax evaders and smugglers. If she’d had a little longer to work on it, half the population of the planet would have been ready to stuff you into the nearest garbage disintegrator. You’re lucky I found out about it before it got that far.”

“I’m glad you found out about it,” said Phule, raising a glass in Pitti’s direction. “But how did you find me in that place they had me hidden? That’s a pretty impressive piece of detective work.”

Pitti smiled. “Not so hard to do, with what you told me about your computer. Your father told me about that security program it has. It doesn’t just send out a signal when the stasis field is working. If you know what to look for, the signal’s there all the time, capisce? Your father told me…”

“Say no more,” said Phule, suddenly realizing that his father had put a permanent tracer on him. The old rascal had always worried whether Phule could handle himself in a tricky situation, but this was taking it a bit too far. Still, it had saved his bacon, this time. Best to accept it for what it was worth.

“And I really appreciate your, uh, unofficial help.” Phule nodded to Agent Fox, who’d joined them in the little cafe that Pitti had brought them to, just down the street from where Phule had been held prisoner. The owners had brought out an enormous antipasto and a bottle of wine. Phule, who hadn’t yet had breakfast, had ordered coffee instead-and was rewarded with the best espresso he’d tasted on Old Earth. The headwaiter was watching their table discreetly to make sure no need went unfulfilled.

Pitti waved an expressive hand. “The agente and I have worked together before,” he said. “Keeping lines of communication open, that’s good for business. Capisce? Where we both have an interest, there should be profit for both. And his news that Maxine Pruett-your old enemy- had come to Old Earth was what convinced me to trace your whereabouts instead of just assuming you’d gone to see the sights.”

“What’s going to happen to Maxine?” said Phule.

Fox shrugged. “Depends on whether we can scare the hoodlums who kidnapped you into naming her as the mastermind,” he said. “I wouldn’t bet the house on it. Her connections on Old Earth aren’t exactly nobodies. She’ll probably have to pay a fair amount to keep from being sent back to Hix’s World, where they’re really mad at her. But if she’s smart, she’s already gotten off-world and left the lawyers to clean up the mess.”

“She’s that smart, she wouldn’t stick her nose in my family’s business,” said Pitti, dryly. “I’ll make her and her lawyers both sorry.”

“Hold on a minute,” said Phule, sitting up straight. The coffee had finally kicked in. “What was Maxine doing on Hix’s World?”

“What, you didn’t figure that out yet?” Fox chuckled. “She’d gone to Hix’s World to set up a casino at that hotel of hers. She’d been lobbying for a change in the laws, throwing bribes around as if they were birdseed. It probably would have passed if she hadn’t jumped the gun and brought in a shipment of quantum slots while they were still illegal. When you caught her with them, she figured you were going to inform on her, and left the planet in a hurry. That’s why when she found out you were here on Earth, she persuaded some local goons to kidnap you, figuring she’d get her revenge that way.”

“Inform on her? I never even knew she was on Hix’s World,” said Phule, scratching his head. “It must have been Beeker and Nightingale who found out about her. I wonder if that’s why they went there to begin with…” But Nightingale had disappeared again almost immediately after setting Phule free, and wasn’t here to confirm or deny his guess. At least, she had promised to bring Beeker to his hotel-and Phule could hardly wait to see the butler.

“Maybe,” said Fox. “The lady did sound as if she enjoyed the Floribunda Fete. Can’t say that I’m all that much a flower fanatic, myself.”

“I can sum it up in one word,” said Phule. “Bo-ring. And you can quote me on that.”

“Oh, I agree-but don’t say that to her,” said Fox, with an amused smile. “A woman like that, you want to keep her on your side. Even if she and the butler fall out…”

“Yes, I’ve thought about that,” said Phule. “I really have to talk to them both before we get back to Zenobia, though. I owe them my freedom, obviously. That’s a big one. But I need to get Beeker to enter a certain code in his computer. I wonder why he never read the mail I sent him?”

“I tell you, there’s gonna be a good reason,” said Pitti da Phule. “That Beeker, he’s old-school-solid like a rock. He does something you don’t understand, it’s because you don’t understand it. Take my word for it.”

Phule shrugged. “Yeah, that’s what I figure. But I’m still curious to find out why he never responded.”

“You worry later about that,” said Pitti. “For now, we got good food, good vino-you listen to your uncle and enjoy while you got it!”

“And that’s the best advice you’re going to get today- or any other day,” said Fox, raising his glass.

18

“Well, sir, it’ll be good to get back to Rahnsome Base,” said Major Sparrowhawk, looking out the window of the shuttle at the disk of Zenobia gradually shrinking behind them. They’d left in a hurry, but it was none too soon for her.

“Good to get off that damned hellhole world,” growled General Blitzkrieg. “At first I was beginning to think Jester had drawn an ace in the hole, what with his private golf course, friendly natives, and all that. I tell you, Major, I had a good mind to pull Omega Company out and put somebody more deserving in there. No point in giving the screwups such a plum assignment.”

“No, sir,” agreed Sparrowhawk. “There are lots of regular companies that deserve good assignments.”

“Well, that’s just what I was thinking,” said Blitzkrieg. “But then-did you see some of those monsters that live in the desert outside that camp? I’m surprised half the complement hasn’t been eaten alive.”

“No, sir,” said Sparrowhawk. She’d heard the general’s description of the-what had he called it?-the gryff. “From what you tell me, I don’t want to.”

“I tell you, it’s enough to change my whole opinion of the place,” said Blitzkrieg. He swirled his drink, took a sip, and continued. “Ironically, that constant danger might just be the thing to turn Jester into a competent officer, after all. Much as I’d hate to admit it, there’s a hint of iron in his backbone. I don’t think he meant me to see it, but I caught him chewing out a squad after a surprise inspection. Most commanders want the top brass to think their units are perfect, of course. So they try not to ream ‘em out where I can see it.”

“Yes, sir,” said Sparrowhawk. She knew it well. Most of the time, she was the one who did the snooping to uncover the problem areas on bases the general went to inspect. The local officers might manage to hide things from the general, but very few of them could hide anything from her. She’d been ready to do it on Zenobia, but the general had been so involved in his golf match that he’d never asked her for her findings.

“I don’t have much use for Jester, but I give him credit for how he handled it,” said the general, staring out the window. “Clever dog called his troops out late at night, right when they’d least expect him, and gave ‘em the royal roasting, as hot as I could’ve done it myself. Did my heart good to see it. I think the boy’s beginning to understand how to treat those scum. If he’ll keep it up a few more years, Omega might actually start to look like a Legion company.” And shrimps might learn to whistle, too, he added silently. “Then, I might just remember where I filed Jester’s promotion papers.”

Blitzkrieg chuckled and took another sip of his drink. Then he leaned back, and said, “Or did I just pitch them? I suppose I’ll have to look into it… someday.”

“Yes, sir,” said Sparrowhawk, who knew exactly where those promotion papers were. Mailing them to the captain was one of several things-not the first, but high up-on her private list of actions to be taken if the general ever stepped over certain lines she had defined in her own mind. Being a powerful man’s confidential assistant brought with it a certain amount of power over one’s superior. She knew that exercising that power might be the last thing she did in her capacity as a Legion officer. But she knew that General Blitzkrieg’s subsequent career would also be quite short- and thoroughly unpleasant.

The general, who was naturally unaware of her thoughts, rubbed his chin. “Anyway, it’ll be good to get back to the office. I didn’t expect this visit to end up as a golfing vacation, but in a way I’m glad it did. My game’s as