of just a scoop. I thought that was so cool-like Christmas, for them!-until I saw the butcher's truck drive up. He was giving them all they could eat, because by then, it didn't matter.'
Shay rolled the French fry he'd been holding between his fingers, then set it back on the plate. 'You want some?'
I shook my head.
'Yeah,' he said softly. 'I guess I'm not so hungry, either.'
Shay's execution was scheduled for ten a.m. Although death penalty sentences used to be carried out at midnight, it felt so cloak-and dagger that now they were staggered at all times of the day. The family of the inmate was allowed to visit up to three hours prior to the execution, although this was not an issue, since Shay had told Grace not to come. The attorney of record and the spiritual advisor were allowed to stay up to forty-five minutes prior to the execution.
After that. Shay would be alone, except for the officer guarding him.
After the breakfast tray was removed. Shay got diarrhea. The officer and I turned our backs to give him privacy, then pretended it had not happened. Shortly afterward, Maggie arrived. Her eyes were red, and she kept wiping at them with a crumpled Kleenex. 'I brought you something,' she said, and then she saw the cell, overrun with vegetation.
'What's this?'
'Global warming?' I said.
'Well. My gift's a little redundant.' Maggie emptied her pockets, full of grass. Queen Anne's lace, lady's slippers, Indian paintbrushes, buttercups.
She fed them to Shay through the metal mesh on the door. 'Thank you, Maggie.'
'For God's sake, don't thank me,' Maggie said. 'I wish this wasn't the way it ended. Shay.' She hesitated. 'What if I-'
'No.' Shay shook his head. 'It's almost over, and then you can go on to rescuing people who want to be rescued. I'm okay, really. I'm ready.'
Maggie opened her mouth to speak, but then pressed her lips together and shook her head. Til stand where you can see me.'
Shay swallowed. 'Okay.'
'I can't stay. I need to make sure that Warden Coyne's talked to the hospital, so that everything happens like it's supposed to.'
Shay nodded. 'Maggie,' he said, 'promise me something?'
'Sure, Shay.'
He rested his head against the metal door. 'Don't forget me.'
'Not a chance,' Maggie said, and she pressed her lips against the metal door, as if she could kiss Shay good- bye.
Suddenly, we were alone, with a half hour stretching between us.
'How are you doing?' I asked.
'Urn,' Shay said. 'Never better?'
'Right. Stupid question.' I shook my head. 'Do you want to talk?
Pray? Be by yourself?'
'No,' Shay said quickly. 'Not that.'
'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yeah,' he said. 'Tell me about her again.'
I hesitated. 'She's at the playground,' I said, 'pumping her legs on a swing. When she gets to the top, and she's sure her sneakers have actually kicked a cloud, she jumps off because she thinks she can fly.'
'She's got long hair, and it's like a flag behind her,' Shay added.
'Fairy-tale hair. So blond it's nearly silver.'
'A fairy tale,' Shay repeated. 'A happy ending.'
'It is, for her. You're giving her a whole new life. Shay.'
'I'm saving her again. I'm saving her twice. Now with my heart, and once before she was ever born.' He looked directly at me. 'It wasn't just Elizabeth he could have hurt. She got in the way, when the gun went off... but the other... I had to do it.'
I glanced over my shoulder at the officer standing watch, but he had moved to a far corner and was speaking into his walkie-talkie. My words were thick, rubbery. 'Then you did commit capital murder.'
Shay shrugged. 'Some people,' he said simply, 'deserve to die.'
I stood, speechless, as the officer approached. 'Father, I'm really sorry,' he said, 'but it's time for you to leave.'
At that moment, the sound of bagpipes filled the tent, and an accompanying swell of voices. The people outside, maintaining their vigil, had begun to sing:
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see.
I didn't know if Shay was guilty of murder, or innocent and misunderstood.
I didn't know if he was the Messiah, or a savant who channeled texts he'd never read. I didn't know if we were making history, or only reliving it. But I did know what to do: I motioned Shay forward, closed my eyes, and made the sign of the cross on his forehead. 'Almighty
God,' I murmured, 'look on this your servant, lying in great weakness, and comfort him with the promise of life everlasting, given in the resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.'
I opened my eyes to find Shay smiling. 'See you around. Father,' he said.
Maggie
As soon as I left Shay's cell, I stumbled out of the circus tent-that's what this was, you know, a circus -and threw up on the grass in the courtyard.
'Hey,' a voice said, 'you all right?' I felt an arm steadying me, and I glanced into the dizzying sunlight to find Warden Coyne, looking just as unhappy to see me as I was to see him.
'Come on,' he said. 'Let's get you a glass of water.'
He led me through dark, dismal corridors-corridors far more suited to an execution, I thought, than the beautiful spring day outside, with its brilliant blue sky and tufted clouds. In the empty staff cafeteria, he pulled out a chair for me, then went to the cooler to get me something to drink.
I finished the whole cup of water, and still could taste the bitterness in my throat.
'Sorry,' I said. 'Didn't mean to vomit on your parade.'
He sat down in a chair beside me. 'You know, Ms. Bloom, there's a hell of a lot about me you don't know.'
'Nor do I want to,' I said, standing.
'For example,' Warden Coyne continued blithely, 'I don't really believe in the death penalty.'
I stared at him, snapped my mouth shut, and sank back into my chair.
'I used to, don't get me wrong. And I'll perform an execution if I have to, because it's part of my job. But that doesn't mean I condone it,' he said. 'Truth is, I've seen plenty of inmates for whom life in prison is just as well served. And I've seen inmates I wish would be killed-there are just some people you cannot find the good in. But who am I to decide if someone should be killed for murdering a child... instead of for murdering a drug addict during a deal that went bad... or even if we should be killing the inmate himself? I'm not smart enough to be able to say which life is worth more than the other. I don't know if anyone is.'
'If you know it's not fair, and you still do this, how do you sleep at night?'
Warden Coyne smiled sadly. 'I don't, Ms. Bloom. The difference between you and me is that you expect me to be able to.' He got to his feet.
'I trust you know where you go from here?'
I was supposed to wait at the Public Information Office, along with
Father Michael, so that we could be brought to the tent apart from the witnesses for the state and the victim. But somehow, I knew that wasn't what Warden Coyne had meant.
