One Foot in the Grave

features screamed aristocracy, and her lightly lined skin had that trademark glowing luminescence. Why couldn’t she be ugly? was my first thought. She looks like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Susan Sarandon!

Her champagne-colored eyes fixed immediately on mine, and right away, I knew we had something in common. She already didn’t like me, either.

“Crispin, can I have a kiss after my long flight?”

Her accent was pure British upper-crust. She was also chicly dressed in a navy jacket with matching pants, and I’d bet her shoes cost as much as my last paycheck. Just looking at her, I felt like I had a smear of something on my face, or food in my teeth.

“Of course,” Bones replied, brushing his lips across each of her cheeks. She returned the gesture while giving me a once-over that made me feel as insignificant as her smirk judged me to be.

He turned to me. “This is Cat,” he introduced me.

I held out my hand. She shook it with ladylike graciousness, only tightening her pale, delicate-looking paw for an instant.

Oh, she had power as well. Not a Master, but a nice, steady level of torque.

“Delighted to finally meet you, darling. I so hoped Crispin would be able to locate you.” She traced a finger down his face as if in solace. “Poor sweet dear, he was positively wretched with worry that something ill had befallen you.”

It was official. I hated her. How gracious of her to remind me that I’d made him miserable for several years. Where was a nice silver dagger when I needed one?

“As you can see, Annette, he found me safe and sound.” For effect, I brought his clasped hand to my lips and kissed it.

Her smile grew frosty. “My bags should be arriving momentarily. Crispin, why don’t you fetch the car whilst Cat and I collect my things?”

It was a toss-up which I didn’t like more-being alone with her, or offering to get the car so he would be. I chose the first, since it was more bearable, and Bones left us to get our ride.

Annette had a lot of things, which she helpfully loaded onto me like I was a pack mule while making conversation zinging with underlying hostility.

“Don’t you have lovely skin? All that fresh country air no doubt played a part. Didn’t Crispin tell me you came from a farm?” Like the animals, her smug smile implied.

I hoisted a heavy suitcase over my shoulder before I replied. God, what had she packed, bricks?

“A cherry orchard. But that hardly affected my complexion. The vampire who raped my mother gave me that.”

She clucked her tongue. “Faith, I had difficulty believing Crispin when he told me what you were, but after two hundred years together, you take someone at their word.”

Nicely done. Throw in how long you’ve had him, like I don’t already know. But two could play at low blows.

“I can’t wait to hear all about you, Annette. Bones barely mentioned you at all, just something about how you used to pay him to have sex with you when he was human.”

She gave an arch little curve of her lips. “How charming that you call him by his acquired name. All his newer acquaintances do that.”

Acquaintances? My teeth ground. “That was the name he gave me when we first met. We are who we become, not who we start out as.” He’s not your boy toy anymore, got it?

“Indeed? Here I’ve always believed people truly never change from what they were to begin with.”

“We’ll see about that,” I muttered.

With her numerous items weighing me down, we proceeded to the exit. As I followed behind her, I took the opportunity to study her. Her hair was shoulder-length and pale strawberry-blond, just lovely next to her peaches- and-cream skin. She was far more voluptuous than I, and about three inches shorter than my five-eight height. If she were human, I’d judge her to be in her mid-forties. That didn’t sit in a negative column with her, though, because she gave off a smoldering, ripe sensuality that made youth look like a boring waste of time.

Bones took one look at me buried under all her luggage and vaulted over to assist. “Blimey, Annette. You should have told me how many bags you had!”

“Oh, forgive me, Cat,” Annette chuckled in false apology. “I’m accustomed to having an underling travel with me.”

“Don’t mention it.” Tightly. Underling! Who the hell did she think she was?

Luggage finally stored in the trunk, we drove off.

“When are the rest of our people arriving?” she queried, settling back in her seat. We drove a new vehicle, as my Volvo was known to Max. This was a loaded BMW. I’d ask Bones later where he got it.

“Today and tomorrow. By Friday, I reckon we’ll all be in place.”

Annette sniffed, though it wasn’t like she needed to clear her nose. “I say, Crispin, how did Belinda get herself in Cat’s little snare? I haven’t seen her since your birthday six years ago, or was it five?”

“She got caught because she started running with a group who liked to bring home live meals.”

There was something cold in his tone that perked my ears up even as Annette’s smile grew sly.

“Terrible. She must have really changed. Wasn’t it only five years ago that we three got together?”

Bones glared at her in the rearview mirror right as I translated “We three got together.” I was betting it hadn’t been for tea. And five years ago, Bones had been with me.

“Answer the question, honey. Was it six or five years ago that the three of you all fucked? See, Bones already told me that he’d screwed Belinda, Annette, but thank you for letting me know you participated also.”

Bones pulled the car to the shoulder of the road.

“I won’t tolerate such rudeness, Annette,” he said, pivoting to face her. “She knows bloody well what you’re implying, as you can see, and I don’t know why you feel the need to throw that up at her. You also know that it was eight years ago, before I met her, and I’ll thank you not to entertain her with any more recollections.”

He sounded as pissed as I felt. Annette glanced at me before raising her brows in feigned innocence.

“I apologize. Perhaps it was the long flight which made me forget myself.”

“Kitten.” Bones looked at me. “Is that sufficient?”

No, it wasn’t, and I’d have cheerfully thrown Her Majesty and her hundred pounds of baggage to the curb, but that wasn’t mature.

“I think I can handle a little menage a trois reminiscing, but just for the record, Annette, you can forget any repeats involving the three of us.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she assured me with a gleam I caught from the rearview mirror. Oh, she and I weren’t through. I’d bet my life on it.

The rest of the drive passed without incident. Annette made arrangements for alternate accommodations after tonight, to my relief. Bones planned to tell Ian next week that he’d found me, and he’d pretend to capture my three captains the following week. And somewhere in the midst of worrying about Ian, the safety of my men, my father actively trying to kill me, and Bones successfully winning his freedom, I had the image of Annette, Belinda, and Bones doing the naked pretzel in my mind. Goddamn her. That was the last thing I needed to think about.

When Annette heard the part of the plan involving my men, she was fascinated.

“Mere humans? Willingly walking into Ian’s den as his collateral? Oh, Crispin, you must let me meet them. Can we have them for supper tonight?”

“She better mean to dinner with real food on the table,” I muttered.

“Why, Cat, that’s precisely what I meant. Can’t have me eating the bait, now can we?” She chuckled.

Bones glanced at me. I shrugged. “It’s not such a bad idea to have them meet first. Maybe it will make them less jittery about this whole Army of Darkness thing.” Or more so, depending on Annette.

“Whatever you like. I don’t care. If they agree, I’ll pick them up when I get Rodney. He’s our other guest tonight.”

“Rodney the ghoul?” How low I had slipped on the Humanity Totem Pole to be so excited about seeing a flesh- eater again, although that would complicate my menu. “Oh, I liked him. He didn’t get