Succubus Blues

 My first words spoken to Seth as I passionately discussed his work. Seth's initial impression of me. Head held high, hair tossed over my shoulder. A flippant remark always at the ready. Grace under fire. A cool social confidence introverted Seth could never muster but envied. How can she do that? Never miss a beat? Later, my rambling explanation of the five-page rule, a goofy habit he found infinitely endearing. Someone else who appreciated literature, viewing it like fine wine. Smart and deep. And beautiful. Yes, beautiful. I saw myself now as Seth had seen me that night: the short skirt, the racy purple top, brilliant as a bird's plumage. Like some exotic creature, hopelessly out of place in the bookstore's dreary landscape.

 All of this was in Seth, the past of his growing feelings for me mingling with the present, and I drank everything up.

 Not just beautiful. Sexy. Sensual. A goddess made flesh whose every move hinted at passion to come. The dress strap slipping off my shoulder. Faint beads of perspiration on my cleavage. Standing in his kitchen, clad only in that ridiculous Black Sabbath shirt. No underwear on under that. Wonder what it'd be like to wake up with her next to me, messy and untamed.

 It all spilled into me. More and more.

 He would watch me at the bookstore. Loved watching me interact with customers. Loved that I seemed to know something about everything. The witty dialogue he pondered for his characters coming to my lips without hesitation. Amazing. Never met anyone who talks like that in real life. My bartering with the used book store owner. A charisma that drew in shy, quiet Seth, made me glow in his eyes. Made him feel more confident.

 Still his feelings rushed through me. I had never felt anything like it. Certainly I had felt attraction and fondness in my victims, but never such love, not directed at me.

 Seth thought I was sexy, yes. Desired me. But that raw lust juxtaposed with something softer too. Something sweeter. Kayla sitting on my lap, small blond head against my chest as I braided her hair. A brief shifting of the image as he momentarily considered his own daughter on my lap. Fierce and witty on one hand, gentle and vulnerable on the other. My inebriated state at his condo. A swell of protectiveness as he led me to bed, watching me hours after I'd gone to sleep. He thought no less of me for the weakness, for my lapse of control and judgment. It was a letting down of my walls for him, a sign of imperfection that made him love me more.

 Further and further I drank, my desperate and weakened state unable to stop.

 'Why doesn't she date?' Seth asked Cody. Cody? Yes, there he was, in the back of Seth's mind. A memory. Cody secretly giving Seth swing lessons, neither of them telling me, instead making up vague excuses for why they always had to be 'somewhere.' Seth, trying so hard to make his feet obey so he could dance with me and be closer to me. 'She's afraid,' the vampire replied. 'She thinks love causes pain.'

 Love causes pain.

 Yes, Seth loved me. Not the crush I'd imagined. Not a superficial attraction I thought I'd dissuaded. It was more, so much more. I embodied everything in a woman he could ever imagine: humor, beauty, intelligence, kindness, strength, charisma, sexuality, compassion... His soul seemed to have recognized mine, drawn uncontrollably toward me. He loved me with a depth of feeling I could not even begin to tap into, though believe me, I tried. I wanted it. I wanted to feel it all, to suck up that burning within him. To consume it. Set myself on fire with it.

 Georgina!

 Somewhere far away, someone called to me, but I was too into Seth. Too into absorbing that strength within him, that strength fused with his feelings for me. Feelings brought on, amplified even, by kissing. Lips soft and eager. Hungry. Demanding.

 Georgina!

 I wanted to become one with Seth. I needed to. I needed him to fill me up... physically, mentally, spiritually. There was something there... something concealed inside him I couldn't quite reach, hovering in the background. A tantalizing piece of knowledge I should have long since recognized. You are my life. I needed to get in farther, reach out for more. Find out what was hiding from me. That kiss was my lifeline, my connection with something bigger than myself, something I had been aching for all my life but never known. I couldn't stop. Couldn't stop kissing Seth. Couldn't stop. Couldn't—

 'Georgina! Let go!'

 Rough hands tore me away from Seth, like flesh ripping from my own body. I cried out in agony at the broken connection, fighting the hands that pulled me and held me. I clawed at my captor, needing to find out the secret lurking beyond that kiss, yearning for the completeness of that union with Seth—

 Seth.

 My hands dropped, and I blinked, bringing the world back into focus. Reality. I was no longer inside Seth's head; I was still in my apartment. A feeling of solidness settled in me, and I didn't have to look down to know my body had stopped its shifting, my form snapping back to a short, slim woman with honeyed brown hair. The girl I had been long ago was buried within me once more, never to come out if I could help it. Seth's life force now filled me to overflowing.

 'Georgina,' murmured Hugh behind me, letting his hands ease up on my arms. 'Christ, you scared me.'

 Looking across the room, I saw Carter, bedraggled as usual, leaning over Seth's body.

 'Oh God—' I sprang up and moved to them, kneeling beside the angel. Seth lay on the floor, skin pale and clammy. 'Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Is he... ?'

 'He's alive,' Carter told me. 'Barely.'

 Stroking Seth's cheek, feeling the fine golden-red haze of his near-beard, I felt tears brimming in my eyes. His breathing came shallow and jagged. 'I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to take so much...'

 'You did what you had to do. You were in bad shape, could have died.'

 'And now Seth might...'

 Carter shook his head. 'No. He won't. He'll need recovery time, but he'll pull through.'

 I drew my hand back, half-afraid my touch might harm Seth more. Glancing around, I became aware of the disheveled state of my apartment. It looked worse than Jerome's. Smashed china and glass. Broken tables. Overturned chairs and couch. The unstable bookshelf in pieces at last. From the kitchen, Aubrey hunkered down under the kitchen table, wondering what was going on. I wondered myself. The nephilim were nowhere in sight. What had happened? Had I really missed it all? The epic, divine battle of the century, and I had missed it for a kiss? Admittedly, a really good kiss, but still...

 'Where is... everyone else?'

 'Jerome's off doing, uh, damage control with your neighbors.'

 'That doesn't sound good.'

 'Standard practice. Supernatural battles aren't exactly quiet, you know. He'll do a little mind erasing, make sure no authorities get notified.'

 I swallowed, afraid to ask my next question. 'What about... what about the nephilim ?'

 Carter studied me, gray eyes holding me long and hard.

 'I know, I know,' I said at last, looking down, unable to return that gaze. 'There's no ten years and parole, right? You destroyed them.'

 'We destroyed... one of them.'

 I looked up sharply. 'What? What about the other one?'

 'He got away.'

 He.My looming tears slipped out now; I could not control them. For you, I'll walk away. 'How?'

 Carter laid a hand on Seth's forehead as though taking vital stats and then turned back to me. 'It all happened really fast. He masked and went invisible in the confusion, while we were taking on the other one. And honestly...' The angel looked at my closed front door, then at Hugh and me.

 'What?' I whispered.

 'I'm not... I'm not entirely convinced Jerome didn't let him get away. He wasn't expecting two. I wasn't either, though I should have, in retrospect. After killing the first one...' Carter shrugged. 'I don't know. Hard to say