«I don't know what we shall do,» I said. «I agree that the whole thing is fantastic. It's almost too good to be true that Julian should love me. It may even not be true. It has surprised me very much indeed. But I am certainly not going now to let the matter drop. I am not going to go quietly away as you suggested earlier, I am not going to stop seeing Julian, I can't. I must find out whether she really loves me or not. Though what follows if she does I don't know at all, perhaps nothing. All this is extremely unusual and may turn out to be very painful, especially to me. I don't want to cause her pain. I don't think I can do her harm. But at this particular point we can't either of us stop. That's all.»
«She can stop and she will,» said Arnold. «Even if I have to lock her in her bedroom.»
«Of course you can stop,» said Rachel. «Try to be honest! And do stop saying 'we.' You can't answer for Julian. You haven't been to bed with her, have you?»
«Oh Christ, Christ,» said Arnold, «of course he hasn't, he's not a criminal.»
«No, I haven't.»
«And you won't.»
«Rachel, I don't know! Please realize that you are talking to a mad person.»
«So you actually admit to being irrational and irresponsible and dangerous!»
«Arnold, please don't get so angry. You are both frightening me and confusing me and that does no good. When I said 'mad' I didn't mean irresponsible-I feel as responsible as if-I'd been given something-I don't know-the bloody Grail-I swear I won't press her or bother her-I'll leave her quite free-she is quite free-«
There was a moment's silence after this speech. I stared at Arnold. He had been sitting very still, speaking quietly but with a spitting staccato emphasis and with that sort of «edge» to the voice which is intended to terrify. His face under his pale hair was flushed bright pink like a girl's. I tried to check my fear with anger, but could not. I said in a small voice, «Your eloquence suggests to me that Julian did after all convince you both that she was in love.»
«She doesn't know what she feels-«
«This isn't the eighteenth century-«Come!» Arnold got up, and motioned with his head to Rachel who rose too. «We've said what we came to say. We'll leave you to-digest it-see there's only one course for you to-adopt-I opened the sitting-room door. I said, «Arnold, please don't be so angry with me. I haven't done anything wrong.»
«Yes, you have,» said Rachel. «You spoke to her about your feelings.»
«All right. I shouldn't have. But to love somebody isn't a sin, there's good in this, we'll find a way to make it-all good-I won't bother her-if you like I won't see her for a week-let her think things over-«It won't do,» said Arnold, more gently. «Any sort of half-measures will only make things worse. You must see that, Bradley. Christ, you don't want a mess any more than we do. You must go away. If you see her you'll just make more drama. Best thing for all is stop, absolutely, now. Do see it. Sorry.»
Arnold went out of the sitting-room and opened the door of the flat.
Rachel passed me and as she did so she shrank from me and her mouth gave a little wince of disgust. She said tonelessly, «I want you to know, Bradley, that Arnold and I are entirely united in this matter.»
«Forgive me, Rachel.»
She went on out of the flat, turning her back on me.
Arnold came back. He said, «There's no need just now to act on the letter I sent you. Could I have it back?»
«I've destroyed it.»
«No.»
