«But it's started, it's here, the only question is what we do with it. Bradley, I'm afraid I do rather enjoy arguing with you.»
«You know where arguments like this end,»
«Between the sheets.»
«God, we might as well be eighteen.»
«They don't argue now.»
«Look, is all this because Arnold is having an affair with Christian? Is he having an affair with Christian?»
«I don't know and it no longer matters.»
«You still love Arnold, don't you?»
«Oh yes, yes, yes, but that doesn't matter either. He's just played the tyrant for too long. I must have new love, I must have love outside the Arnold-cage-«I suppose women of your age-'
«Oh don't start that, Bradley.»
«I just mean, naturally one might want a change, but let's not do anything-«
«Bradley, with all your philosophy, surely you know that it doesn't really matter what we do.»
I reflected. «Yes.»
«Well, you must stop being. Oh my dear, don't you see that this is somehow the point? I must see you unafraid. This is what being my knight is. That will really let me out. And it will do something great for you too. Why can't you write? Because you're all timid and repressed and tied up. I mean in a spiritual way.»
This was close to what I had thought myself. «Then are we to love each other in a spiritual way?»
«Oh Bradley, look, enough of this argument, let's undress.»
All this time we had been sitting sideways facing each other, not touching, except when the tips of her fingers lightly tapped my face, then the lapels of my jacket, my shoulders and arms as if she were putting a spell upon me.
Rachel turned away, and in a single quick contorted movement peeled off her blouse and brassiere. Naked to the waist she now regarded me. This was a very different matter.
She was blushing and her face had become suddenly more tentative. She had very full round breasts with huge brown mandalas. The unclothed body wears a very different head from the clothed body. The blush extended down her neck and faded into the deep V of mottled sunburn which stained the flesh between her breasts. Her body had an air of unexhibited chasteness. I knew that this was a most unwonted gesture. And indeed it was a long time since I had seen a woman's breasts. I looked but did not move.
«Rachel,» I said, «I am very touched and moved, but I really think this is most unwise.»
«Oh stop it.» She suddenly clasped my neck and rolled me back on the bed. There was a pushing and a scrambling and in a moment she was entirely naked beside me. Her body was hot. She was panting and her lips were against my cheek. She said, «Oh God.»
«Bradley, undress.»
«Rachel,» I said, «I am, as I say, moved. I am very grateful. But I cannot make love to you. I don't mean I don't want to, I cannot. The machinery will not work.»
