«Nonsense, Rachel. It's just one of those things.»
«And he asks you round-to see it all.»
«Rachel, he was shaking like a leaf, he thought you were unconscious in here, he was terrified.»
«I shall never forgive him. Be my witness now. I shall never forgive him. Never, never, never. Not if he were to kneel at my feet for twenty years. A woman does not forgive this ever. She won't save a man at the end. If he were drowning, I'd watch.»
«Rachel, you don't mean this. Please don't talk in this awful sort of theatrical way. Of course you'll forgive him. I'm sure there were faults on both sides. After all you hit him too, you put your monogram on his cheek.»
«Ach-« Her exclamation expressed harsh, almost vulgar, disgust. «Never,» she said, «never, never. Oh I am-so unhappy-' The whimpering and the spilling tears began again. Her face was flaming hot.
«Stop, please. You must rest. Do take some aspirins. Try to sleep a little. I'll get you some tea, would you like that?»
«Rachel, don't, don't, don't, I won't listen, you don't mean any of this rigmarole. Don't say such things to me. You'll regret it later.»
«I'm just as clever as he is. He wouldn't let me take a job. I obeyed him, I've always obeyed him. I haven't any private things. He owns the world. It's all his, his, his. I won't save him at the end. I'll watch him drown. I'll watch him burn.»
You don't mean it, Rachel. Better not say it.»
«And I won't forgive you either for having seen me like this with my face bruised to pieces and heard me talk horribly like this. I'll smile at you again but I won't forgive you in my heart.»
«Rachel, Rachel, you are upsetting me so!»
«And now you'll go downstairs and talk about me vilely to him. I know how men talk.»
«I fill you with disgust. A broken whimpering middle-aged woman.»
«1VT> No-«Ach-« Again the horrible sound of aggressive violent disgust. «Go away now, leave me, please. Leave me alone with my thoughts and my torture and my punishment. I shall cry all night, all night. Sorry, Bradley. Tell Arnold I'm going to rest now. Tell him not to come near me again today. Tomorrow I will try to be as usual. There will be no recriminations, no reproaches, nothing. How can I reproach him? He will become angry again, he will frighten me again. Better to be a slave. Tell him I will be as usual tomorrow. Of course he knows that, he won't worry, he's feeling better already. Only let me not see him today.»
«All right, I'll tell him. Don't be cross with me, Rachel. It's not my fault.»
«Oh, go away.»
«Shall I get you some tea? The doctor said tea.»
«Go away.»
I went out of the room and closed the door quietly behind me. I heard a soft bound and then the key turning in the lock. I went down the stairs feeling very shaken and, yes, she had been right, disgusted.
It had become darker, the sun no longer shining, and the interior of the house seemed brown and chill. I made my way to the drawing-room at the back of the house where Arnold and Francis were talking. An electric fire and a lamp had been turned on. I noticed broken glass, broken china, a stain on the carpet. The drawing– room was a big over-patterned room with a lot of pseudo-tapestries and bad modern lithographs. Arnold's two big stereo loudspeakers, covered with a sort of fawn gauze, took up a lot of the space. Beyond glass doors and a veranda was the equally fussy garden, horribly green in the sunless oppressive light, where a great many birds were singing competitive nonsense lyrics in the small decorative suburban trees.
