Le knows you're with me?»
«He sent me to you.»
It was the next morning and Rachel and I were sitting on a bench in Soho Square. The sun was shining and there was a dusty defeated smell of midsummer London: oily, grimy, spicy, melancholy and old. A number of tousled and rather elderly-looking pigeons stood around us, staring at us with their hard insentient eyes. Despairing people sat on other benches. The sky above Oxford Street was a sizzling unforgiving blue. Though it was still quite early in the morning I was sweating.
I said thoughtlessly, «Poor Rachel, oh poor Rachel.»
She laughed with a kind of snarl, tugging at her hair. «Yes. Poor old Rachel!»
«Sorry, I-Oh hell-You mean he actually said to you, 'Go and see Bradley'?»
«Yes.»
«But what words exactly did he use? People who aren't writers never describe things exactly.»
«Oh I don't know. I can't remember.»
«Rachel, you must remember. It can't be more than two hours since-«Oh Bradley, don't torture me. I just feel I'm being cut and scratched and ridden over by everything, I feel I'm under the plough.»
«I know that feeling.»
«I don't think you do. Your life is perfectly O. K. You're free. You've got money. You fuss about your work, but you can go away to the country or go abroad and meditate in some hotel. God, how I'd like to be alone in a hotel! It would be paradise!»
» 'Fussing about one's work' can describe a kind of hell.»
«All that's superficial, what's the word I want, frivolous. It's all-what's the word-«Gratuitous.»
«It's not part of real life, of what's compulsory. My life is all compulsory. My child, my husband, compulsory. I'm caged.»
«I could do with a few more compulsory things in my life.»
«Rachel, I think you're raving. A striking simile, but really I never heard such tosh.»
«Well, perhaps I'm just describing how it is with me and Arnold. I'm just a growth on him. I have no being of my own. I can't get at him. I couldn't do so even by killing myself. It would interest him, he'd have a theory about it. He'd soon find another woman he could get on with better, and they'd discuss my case.»
«Rachel, these are very base thoughts.»
«Bradley, how I adore your simplicity. As if I understood that language any more! You're talking to a toad, to an earthworm cut in two and wiggling.»
«Rachel, do stop, you're upsetting me.»
«You are a sensitive plant, aren't you. And to think that I saw you as a sort of knight errant!»
«Such a bedraggled one-«You were a separate place. Do you understand?»
«A wide plain where you could set up your tent? Or are these similes getting out of hand?»
«You mock everything.»
«I don't, it's just a habit of speech. Surely you know me by now.»
«Yes, yes, I do actually. Oh I've messed everything up. I've even spoilt you. Now Arnold has taken you over too. He cares for you far more than he cares for me. He takes everything.»
«Rachel. Listen. My relation to you is not part of my relation to Arnold.»
«Brave words. But it is now.»
«Please try to remember what he said this morning, you know, when he asked you-«
«Oh how you do hurt and annoy me! He said something like, 'Don't feel you can't go and see Bradley now. In fact you'd better go and see him straight away. He'll be in a frenzy to see you and discuss our conversation. Why not go and see him and have a frank chat, have it all out. He'll talk more to you than to me. He's a bit sore and it'll do him good. Off you go.' «
«God. Does he think you'll report your conversation with me to him?»
«Maybe.»
«And will you?»
«Maybe.»
«Is Arnold having an affair with Christian?»
«You're in love with Christian.»
«Don't be silly. Is Arnold-«
«I don't know. I'm getting bored with that question. Possibly not in the strict sense. But I don't care. He acts as a free man, he always has. If he. wants to see Christian he sees her. They're going into business together. I couldn't care less whether they get into bed together too.»
«Rachel, now do try to be mqre precise. Does Arnold really believe that I'm just pestering you against your will? Or did he invent that to smooth things over?»
«I don't know what he believes and I don't care.»
«Please try. Truth does matter. What exactly happened yesterday after Arnold arrived back and we were- Please describe the events in detail. I want a description beginning, 'I ran down the stairs.' «
«I ran down the stairs. Arnold had gone out onto the veranda. So I dodged through the kitchen and into the side passage and then came into the garden as if I'd just seen him, and I took him down to the end of the garden to show him something and I kept him there and that seemed all right. Then about half an hour later Julian turned up and said she'd met you and you'd said you'd been at our place.»
«I didn't say it. She assumed it and I didn't deny it.»
«Well, that comes to the same thing. Then Julian started to talk about the boots you'd bought her. I must say I was rather surprised. You are a cool customer. Anyway, Arnold raised his eyebrows, you know the way he does. But he said nothing while Julian was with us.»
«Wait a moment. Did Arnold notice that Julian was wearing my socks?»
«Ha! That's another thing. No, I don't think so. Julian went straight on upstairs to try the boots on. I didn't see her again till after Arnold had gone to see you. Then she explained about the socks. She thought it was a great joke.»
«You see, I just shoved them in my pocket and-«All right, I imagined it all. Here they are, by the way. I washed them. They're still a bit damp. I told Julian not to mention you to Arnold for a while. I said he was so cross about that review. So I trust the sock incident is closed.»
«He asked me why I hadn't said you'd been.»
«What did you say?»
«What could I say? I was completely taken by surprise. I laughed and said you'd annoyed me. I said you'd been rather emotional and I'd turned you out, and felt it would be kinder to you not to tell Arnold.»
«Couldn't you think of anything better than that?»
«No, I couldn't. While Julian was there I couldn't think, and then I just had to say something. My head was full of nothing but the truth. The best I could do was to tell half of it in a garbled form.»
«You could have invented a complete falsehood.»
«So could you. There was no need to let Julian assume you'd been visiting us.»
«I know, I know. Did Arnold believe you?»
«I'm not sure. He knows I'm a liar, he's often enough caught me in lies. He lies too. We accept each other as liars, most married couples do.»
«Oh Rachel, Rachel-«
«You grieve over such an imperfect world, do you? Anyway he doesn't really mind. If I have some sort of thing on it eases his conscience and leaves him more free. And as long as he's in control and can bait you a bit it may even amuse him. He doesn't take you seriously as a threat to his marriage.»
«I see.»
«And of course he's quite right. There is no threat.»
«Isn't there?»
«No. You've just played along out of vague affection and pity. Oh don't protest, I know. As for Arnold not taking you seriously as a libertine, that can hardly surprise you. The funny thing is, Arnold does care for you a lot.»
«Yes,» I said. «And the funny thing is that though I think in some ways he's a real four-letter man, I care for
