«That's correct,» I said. «When I told you I was going to the garage I went to telephone Francis and he told me.»
«And you didn't tell me? You hid it-and then we-all the afternoon we were-«Ach-« said Arnold.
Julian ignored him, staring at me and drawing my jacket closer about her, its collar turned up enclosing her tousled hair, her hands crossed at the neck. «Why?»
I rose. «It's hard to explain,» I said, «but please try to understand. There was nothing more I could do for Priscilla. And for you-I had to stay-and bear the burden of being silent. It wasn't callousness.»
«Lust might be its name,» said Arnold.
Tears overflowed Julian's eyes and dropped down onto the lapels of my jacket. «Oh Bradley-how could you- how could we-oh poor, poor Priscilla-what a terrible thing-«He is irresponsible,» said Arnold. «Or else he's a bit mad. He's totally callous. His sister dies and he won't leave his lovemaking.»
«Oh Bradley-poor Priscilla-«
«Julian, I was going to tell you tomorrow. I was going to tell you everything tomorrow. I had to stay today. You saw how it was. We were both possessed, we were held here, we couldn't have gone, it had to happen as it did.»
«He's mad.»
«Tomorrow we'll go back to ordinary things, tomorrow we'll think about Priscilla and I'll tell you all about it and how much I am to blame-«
«It was my fault,» said Julian, «it was because of me. Otherwise you would have been with her.»
«One can't stop people from killing themselves if they're determined to. It may even be wrong to do so. Her life had become very sad.»
«A convenient justification,» said Arnold. «So you think Priscilla is better off dead, do you?»
«No. I'm just saying it-at least could be thought about like that-I don't want Julian to feel that-Oh Julian, I ought to have told you.»
«Yes-It's-I feel a sort of doom on us-Oh Bradley, why didn't you say-?»
«Sometimes one has to be silent even if it hurts awfully. I wanted your consolation, of course I did. But something else was more important.»
«The sexual gratification of an elderly man,» said Arnold. «Think, Julian, think. He is thirty-eight years older than you are.»
«No, he isn't,» said Julian. «He's forty-six, and that's-Arnold gave a sort of laugh and there was the same spasm in his face. «He told you that, did he? He's fifty-eight. Ask him.»
«He can't be-«Look him up in Who's Who.»
«I'm not in Who's Who.»
«Bradley, how old are you?»
«Fifty-eight.»
«When you are thirty he will be nearly seventy,» said Arnold. «Come on. Surely this is enough. We've kept this quiet and there's no need for shouting. I see Bradley even removed the blunt instrument. Let's go, Julian. You can have your cry in the car. Then you'll start feeling what an escape you've had. Come. He won't try to stop you now. Look at him.»
Julian was looking at me. I covered my face.
«Bradley, take your hands away. Please. Are you really fifty– eight?»
«Yes.»
«Can't you see he is? Can't you see he is?»
She murmured, «Yes-now-«
«Does it matter?» I said. «You said you didn't mind what age I was.»
«Oh don't be pathetic,» said Arnold. «Let's all keep our dignity. Come, Julian, please. Bradley, don't think I'm being unkind. I'm doing what any father would do.»
«Quite,» I said, «quite.»
Julian said, «I can't bear it, about Priscilla, I can't bear it, I can't bear it-«Steady,» said Arnold. «Steady. Come now.»
I said, «Julian, don't go. You can't just go like that. I want to explain things to you properly and alone. Al. l right, if you now feel differently about me, that's that. I'll drive you anywhere you want and we'll say good-bye. But I beg you not to leave me now. I ask you in the name of-in the name of-«I forbid you to stay,» said Arnold. «I regard this relationship as a defilement. I'm sorry to use such strong language. I have been very upset and very angry and I am trying hard to be reasonable and to be kind. Do just see this thing objectively. I cannot and I will not go away without you.»
«I want to explain to you,» I said. «I want to explain about Priscilla.»
«How can you-?» she said. «Oh dear-oh dear-« She was crying now helplessly, with trembling wet lips.
I felt agony, physical pain, total terror. «Don't leave me, my darling, I should die.» I went to her and reached out towards her, touching the sleeve of my jacket timidly.
«Julian, I can't let you go now, I'd go mad please don't go-you must stay with me long enough to let me defend myself-«You are indefensible,» said Arnold. «Why argue? Can't you see it's over? You have had a caper with a silly girl and now it's over. The spell is broken. And give me that spanner. I don't like to see you holding it.»
I gave him the spanner, but I did not move from the door. I said, «Julian, decide.»
Julian, making an effort with her tears, pulled herself quickly but firmly away from her father's grip. «I'm not going with you. I'm going to stay here with Bradley.»
«Oh thank God,» I said, «thank God.»
«I want to hear what Bradley has to say. I'll come back to London tomorrow. But I'm not going to leave Bradley alone in the middle of the night.»
«Thank God.»
«You're coming with me,» said Arnold.
«No, she isn't. She's said what she wants to do. Now please go away. Arnold, think. Do you want us to fight about this? Do you want to crack my head with that spanner? I promise I'll bring Julian to London tomorrow. Nobody shall force her, nobody can force her, she'll do what she wants to do, I'm not trying to kidnap her.»
«Please go,» she said. «I'm sorry. You've been kind and-quiet, but I must just stay here tonight. I promise I'll come to you and listen to everything you want to say. But please be merciful and leave me now to talk to him. We've got to talk, do understand. You can't really do or undo anything here.»
«She's right,» I said.
Arnold did not look at me. He looked at his daughter with a very concentrated desolate stare. He gave a sort of gasping sigh. «Do you promise to come home tomorrow?»
«I'll come and see you tomorrow.»
«Do you promise to come home?»
«Yes.»
She suffered this embrace for a moment, then gently freed herself and went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. I followed and tried to put my arms round her, but she thrust me away with little gentle half- unconscious gestures.
«Oh Julian, we haven't lost each other, have we? I am so deeply sorry I lied about my age, it was stupid. But it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, we're beyond where it matters, it can't matter. And I couldn't go back to London this morning. I know it was a crime not to. But it was a crime that I committed because I love you.»
«I feel so confused,» she said, «I feel so awfully confused-«Let me explain how-«Please. I can't hear, I just wouldn't be able to hear-Everything's been such a shock-like a-destruction-I'd rather-I think I'll just go to the lavatory and then I'll try to go to sleep.» She went away, returned, and took off her dress and put on her dark blue silk night-shirt over her underclothes. She seemed already like a sleepwalker.
«Julian, thank you for staying. I worship you with gratitude for having stayed. Julian, you will be kind to me, won't you. You could break my neck with your little finger.»
She begun to get heavily into the bed, moving stiffly, like an old person.
«That's right,» I said. «We'll talk in the morning, won't we. We'll sleep now. If we can just go to sleep in each other's arms we'll be so much helped, won't we.»
She looked up at me sombrely, the tears dry on her face.
