the lamps in the drawing-room, and as she did so she glimpsed herself for a moment in the big mirror. She had put on a summer dress instead of her usual blouse and skirt, and the unexpected image startled her. She seemed another person.
'Come in, Felix, come into the drawing-room. How very nice to see you. Would you like the electric fire? It's getting rather chilly now. I've got some brandy for you, I hope it's the right kind. You have dined, haven't you?
Felix came stooping through the doorway. He looked, she thought, terribly respectable in his dark suit and outrageously immaculate shirt and narrow tie. Ann, even in her best cotton dress, felt shabby and tousled beside him. She smiled at the thought.
Felix accepted the electric fire and the brandy, said he had dined, and answered questions about Mildred's welfare. Then silence fell between them.
They were sitting in armchairs on either side of the fireplace. The electric fire sat a little forlornly in the big grate. Aim could feel him looking at her and tried quickly to think of something to' say. It struck her suddenly as extraordinary that she should be sitting here so late at night alone with Felix: extraordinary and pleasant and alarming. Then she was amazed to find herself feeling tearful. She said quickly the first thing that came into her head. 'Oh, everything is such a mess here. I do wish I could catch up. I just get into more and more of a muddle. I still haven't sent out those catalogues.’ Felix said, 'I wish you'd let me help you. Couldn't I do the catalogues?
'No, of course not! It's only a few hours' work really. It's just that I've got so terribly tired.
'You certainly look' tired, said Felix. 'You ought to have a holiday. Let me drive you to Greece.
Ann was startled. Instantly she had a clear almost magical vision of herself flying southward with Felix in the very dark blue Mercedes. With this there came a very odd and unfamiliar feeling, and she said with frightened vehemence, 'No, that's quite impossible I'm afraid.
'Ah well, said' Felix. He inhaled his brandy. He said, 'Have you heard anything from Randall? I hope you don't mind my asking.
'No. She looked blankly at the electric fire. For some reason Felix's presence was making her feel dreadfully sorry for herself.
'I'm sorry I came rushing over last week, said Felix. 'I realized afterwards that it was impertinent and tiresome to intrude at such a time. But I was getting rather tired of cooling my heels at Seton Blaise.
'I didn't even know you were there, said Ann. 'You should have come over sooner.
Felix bowed his head, looked intently into his brandy, and muttered something about' didn't know if you wanted to see me'.
'You know I'm always glad to see you, said Ann. The words, although true, had a casual lying ring. It was not like that. She was speaking as if she did not know things which she did know. She was talking to him as if he were just an old friend. But was he then not? Ann felt confused. She found herself thinking that through sheer tiredness and blankness she might kill something in the conversation, and she recalled Randall's taunts: she killed gaiety and spontaneity, she banished life. The spirit that says no. But why did it matter so, much now?
'Ann, forgive me, said Felix, straightening up, 'but will you give Randall a divorce if he wants one?
Ann took a quick breath. She was not ready for this directness. But she felt immediately more alert. 'He does want one, and if he goes on wanting it long enough I suppose I'll give it to him. But I'm not going to do anything about it at the moment.
'Do you think Randall will come back?
Ann felt the touch of something deadly. She wanted to cry out with wild tears, 'I don't know, I don't care! Catching herself she said coldly 'I really can't say, Felix, I've no idea. She added, in spite of herself, in a tone of bitter bad-tempered weariness, 'I've no idea. I've no idea. I've no idea.
'Well, quite. I'm sorry, said Felix. He seemed discouraged.
'I do apologize, said Ann. 'I'm in a rotten state of mind tonight. I'm not fit for human company. I think perhaps you'd better go now, Felix. She could not think why she felt so wretchedly nervous and cross. She didn't really want him to go.
'Let me stay a little longer, he said gently.
Ann replied with a weary gesture and went on staring at the fire.
Her body felt strange.
'I hope I didn't — offend you last week, he said suddenly.
'No, when?
'When I —’ he fell silent.
She looked at him quickly. 'No, no, of course not. ; Ann thought, I must gather my wits. Something is going to happen. Something is happening.
'Oh, Ann — he said. He put the brandy down on the floor. It was a declaration of love.
Ann sat quite rigid for a moment. Then she turned her face full to his and they looked steadily into each other s eyes. Such gazing is crucial; and Ann did not even see the barrier until she had sped far beyond it. Nothing now, between them, could ever be the same again.
'Well- she said, and looked away. Her cheeks were burning, her throat was painfully constricted and she shivered with something which was like terror.
Felix leaned back in his chair, stretching out his long legs, rotating his brandy and looking at the ceiling. He said 'Mmm. It was scarcely an eloquent scene, but much happened in those minutes.
'I'm sorry, he said at last. 'I really didn't mean to spring this on you tonight. It's damned unfair. Though I suppose you've known it in a way for some time.
'Yes, said Ann. 'I've known, in a way. But knowing in a way was very unlike knowing like this. She felt a little sick and concentrated on the electric fire while Felix continued to look at the ceiling.
Felix went on, 'You needn't pay any attention, of course. I mean, I don't want you to worry about this for a second. I'll have to ask your help over just one thing, and even that's not urgent. I'm still not quite fixed about my next job. If you feel later on — I'm not asking you anything now — that you'd prefer me off the scene I can clear off to India. But if you don't say that, I'm sure you know that I wouldn't ever be a trouble to you. I'm in love with you, and there's no point in saying I'm not. But I'm good at being kind and reasonable and quiet. If you thought even that I could be of any help to you, practical help, or as a friend, I'd be very glad, I'd be very very happy to be allowed to stay around. And of course I wouldn't expect anything. It will be months, years, before you get over what's just happened here. What- ever happens in the end. All I'm asking is to be allowed to see you a little and help you. I can't tell you, Ann, what a joy that would be to me. I'm glad, after all, that I've come out with this thing. And I can't help saying, please don't send me away. I assure you I expect nothing.
He spoke with more feeling than she had ever heard him display.
After his normal muteness, it was almost terrible to her to see him so moved, although he spoke quietly and with averted eyes. Yet the next moment she was wondering: why does he expect nothing?
'I hardly know what to say, Felix, she said, wanting to slow things down while she got her thoughts in order. It was very important what she said to him.
Felix, interpreting these words as some kind of negative, said hastily, 'Forgive me, forgive me. Let us drop the subject if you will. I should not have troubled you. And of course I can perfectly well go to India. Yes, really, it would be more sensible.
'Felix I' said Ann. 'Stop it I You really exasperate me I'
He gave her his eyes again, his wide' blue puzzled scrupulous soldier's eyes. He did not know what to make of her reaction. She hardly knew herself.
'I'm sorry, she said, ready for nervous laughter or tears, 'but you are so foolish! Of course we must talk about it now that it's come up. And of course I don't want to send you to India. But I must see what I'm doing. Could you be quiet for a moment instead of bounding around like a frightened horse?
Felix looked at her gratefully, entreatingly, and opened his hands towards her.
'You put me in a difficult situation, she said. 'You know I'm very fond of you. What more can I say? I can't tell you either to stay or to go. Don't you see? Oh dear — she floundered. She must not let him see what she really felt. So there was something which she really felt? She added suddenly and as if irrelevantly, 'Randall might come back: tomorrow. It had a cold dreadful sound. She felt her face harden in response to Felix's changing look.
'And if he came back tomorrow you'd take him back?
'Of course.
'And if he came back next year or the year after you'd take him back?
