I reminisced the great miracle. Ours was a match that never should have been. A match neither ever regretted for an instant, yet one created by a force so slight as the unspoken whim of an old woman cursed with hysterical, unreliable precognitive visions.
I thought both sanely and crazily and commenced the process of beatification that is inevitable after any untimely death. I slept. But even in Nod I could not escape the pain. I dreamed cruel dreams I could not reclaim when I awakened. It was almost as if Kina herself were mocking me, telling me that triumph was a costly deception.
Sarie was gone when I awakened, my head throbbing with a medicinal hangover. I stumbled around until I ran into Mother Gota. The old woman was fussing over some tea and talking to herself exactly the way she talked to the rest of the world.
“Where is Sahra?” I asked. “Tea. Please. What happened to her?”
Gota looked at me like I was mad. “She is dead.” No pulling punches for her.
“I know that. Her body is gone.”
“They have taken her home.”
“What? Who?” Anger began to rise within me. How dare they...? Who was they?
“Doj. Thai Dei. Her cousins and uncles. They have taken Sahra and To Tan home. I am here to watch over you.”
“She was my wife. I ...”
“She was Nyueng Bao before she was your wife. She is Nyueng Bao now. She will be Nyueng Bao tomorrow. Hong Tray’s fantasies cannot change that.”
I gained control before I exploded completely. Gota was right, from a Nyueng Bao point of view.
Also, there was not a lot I could do about it right now. Not without coming up with a lot more ambition than I had this morning. All I really wanted to do was sit around feeling sorry for myself.
I went back to our room with my tea. I settled on our bed, picked up the jade amulet that had belonged to Hong Tray. It seemed very warm this morning, more alive than I. I had not worn it for a long time. I slipped it onto my wrist now.
I could work my anger out on Uncle Doj when he got back.
If he came.
87
Not one Strangler attack team achieved its tactical objective, but even so their raid was successful psychologically. It stunned the city. It shocked the leadership. It generated terror out of all proportion to actual damages. Croaker grabbed it and turned it around.
Next morning, while most of us were still wrestling with our emotions, he went to the Taglian mob and spoke in his old guise as Liberator. He announced a new and furious era of total, relentless warfare against the Shadowmaster and tooga although he divulged few real facts about the Palace raid. That set rumor running wild through the alleys and byways and fueled fresh anger. For years the war had been a long way away, in the old Shadowland, and so had become emotionally remote to most of the people. The Deceiver raid brought the war back home. The old enthusiasm resurfaced.
The Liberator told the crowd that the years of preparation were over. It was time to carry justice to the wicked.
But moving immediately meant a winter campaign. I asked the Old Man if he really intended that.
“Damned straight. More or less. They have their feet up down there. You know that. You’ve been riding Smoke. I mean, who would be crazy enough to take a crack at the Dandha Presh when the snow is flying?”
Who indeed? “It’ll mean some major hardships for the soldiers.”
“If an old fart like me can take it they all can take it.”
Right. Only some of us can take it better than others. Some of us are obsessed.
Hell. Us Black Company guys have obsessions and hatreds enough for everybody.
Work became my all. I was past the evil time. No longer did I fall back into cruel yesterdays in order to escape crueler todays that I could detect. But I did not sleep well. Hell still lurked beyond sleep’s wall. I lost myself in the Annals, rerecording everything the fire had claimed. I ran away by riding Smoke out into the past, where and when I could, to check my recollections.
One-Eye’s arsenal increased its production. The Old Man drove the ruling class crazy trying to get money to pay for everything.
Word of the new stage spread through the Taglian territories as fast as horses could run.
Lady began gathering her forces and training them to deal with the darknesses that had given the Shadowmasters their name.
I became aware that Goblin had dropped out of sight, completely, but that only weeks after the actual event. I feared that he had been murdered. But Croaker did not seem concerned.
One-Eye was fussed. He was desperate to get his sidekick connected with my mother-in-law but he could not unearth a trace of the little toad.
88
House of pain? Mocking laughter. She is beautiful. Yes. Almost as beautiful as I. But she is not for you.
The woman tucked a child in for the night. Her slightest movement bespoke grace.
I ... There was an I, suddenly. NO! Not for you! She is mine!
Nothing is yours but what I give you. And I give you pain. This is the house of pain. No! Whatever you are... GO!
89
“Ouch!” I opened my eyes. Uncle Doj and Thai Dei crouched beside me, one to either side, looking concerned. I rolled my head, surprised to see them back so soon.
I was on the floor in my workroom. But I was dressed for bed. “What am I doing here?”
“You walked in your sleep,” Doj told me. “Also talked, which alerted us.”
“Talked?” I never talk in my sleep. But I do not walk in my sleep, either. “Gods damn it! I was having another spell!” And this time I remembered. Some. “I have to get this down. Right now. Before I lose it.” I scrambled across the room. In moments I was scratching away.
And when I was done I realized I did not have a clue about anything. I threw my pen down.
Mother Gota appeared. She carried a pot of tea. She poured for me, then for Doj and Thai Dei. Sahra’s death
